After Every Loss, She Found Her Healer

When her son was nearing the end of his life, he tried to comfort his parents.

He said, “Mom and Dad, I don’t want you to worry about me, because Jesus is going to come for me really soon. And I have to go. But I’m going to be okay.”

It was one of the hardest goodbyes Maribeth Ditmars would ever say.

Her 14-year-old son, Chris, had been fighting leukemia for four years. Despite countless prayers for healing, Chris passed away. When the miracle she had hoped for didn’t come, Maribeth’s grief quickly turned into anger and despair.

“I felt like my whole world collapsed,” she said. “I consumed a lot of alcohol. It numbed me. It numbed my grief and it numbed my negative feelings.”

For two years, she struggled under the weight of loss. Self-medication and constant anger consumed her life. But one morning, everything changed.

“I was driving to work one morning, and it was 8:30. I was already bargaining with myself. Am I going to drink today? I’m not going to drink today. No, I can’t go through the day without a drink. I’ll have one, I’ll have two, I’ll have three. What time should I start drinking?”

Then something unexpected happened.

“All of a sudden, the Lord was with me in my heart and in my head, saying, ‘Mary Beth, normal people don’t think like that on the way to work.’”

In that moment, she realized she had a serious problem.

“I said, ‘Help me, Lord.’ And my whole attitude changed in that moment.”
Maribeth rededicated her life to God and made the decision to get sober for her husband and her two children.

“The Lord removed my obsession to drink,” she said. “I started actively working on a relationship with God, and my life got so much better. I was flooded with warmth, that peace that surpasses all understanding.”

Over the next 14 years, Maribeth slowly came to accept the loss of her son. Even though she didn’t fully understand God’s plan, she reached a place where her grief no longer consumed her. The anger she once felt toward God faded.

Then, on July 4, 2015, tragedy struck again.

“I was in New Jersey visiting family when I got a phone call from Rob,” she said. “He was crying and said, ‘You have to come home. Jared’s been in an accident, and they don’t think he’s going to survive.’”

Desperate, she prayed.

“I kept saying, ‘Lord, please don’t take another son from me. Lord, please.’”

Jared had been spearfishing when a tragic underwater accident occurred. Another young man’s spear gun discharged and struck Jared in the head. He never made it back to the surface.

“We relived every parent’s worst nightmare,” Maribeth said. “We lost our second son, our only surviving son. Everything fell apart again.”

This loss was even more difficult than the first.
“His death was even harder than Chris’s because we didn’t have the same closure. With Jared, he was healthy, happy, and active, and then he was gone.”

Maribeth feared what might happen next. Would she fall apart again? Would she return to drinking? Would grief consume her life once more?

This time, the answer was different.

Instead of turning to alcohol, she leaned into the faith she had built years earlier.

“I had learned to fill that God-shaped hole the way it was supposed to be filled,” she said. “When I was tempted, I had tools. I had developed a new toolkit: prayer, support groups, and my daily time with God.”

Each morning began the same way.

“I put on the armor of God. I get on my knees as soon as I get out of bed, and I ask God to keep me away from the desire to drink and the desire to do anything harmful.”

After Jared’s death and their daughter moving out, Maribeth and her husband struggled to find direction in life. Eventually, they decided to start over.

They sold everything, bought an RV, and moved to the mountains of North Carolina.

There, surrounded by nature, Maribeth experienced God in a deeper way than ever before.

“It was a time where God really revealed Himself to me in nature,” she said. “It was quiet. I connected with recovery groups near the campground where we lived, and I found other women with strong faith to go hiking with. That was a powerful way for me to heal.”

In 2018, a nonprofit organization built a playground to honor both of Maribeth’s sons, creating a place where children can play and families can remember Chris and Jared.

Today, Maribeth is an author who shares her family’s story of loss, faith, and healing. Through her writing and speaking, she hopes to encourage others who are walking through grief and hardship.

“My whole purpose now is grounded in my faith,” she said. “Jesus is my mentor and my Savior. There are days when I’m not really feeling it, but I realize that faith is a choice. It’s not always a feeling. And I know that when I need comfort, I will receive it.”

Her message to others is simple: surrender to God and trust that He will carry you through even the darkest seasons of life.
Link to Maribeth’s Book: Dancing in the Minefields: One Woman's Faith Journey through Child-Loss, Addiction, and Adversity
Social Media: https://www.facebook.com/maribethditmars/