THE UNTHINKABLE

On February 21, 2021, Megan’s husband of ten years, Randy, died of a heart attack at age thirty-six. Suddenly, she became a young widow with two small children (ages 2 and 5 years old). A few months after his death, Megan noticed she took pride in not needing anything or anyone. To make repairs around the house, she watched a few YouTube videos and took pride in the fact that she was able to fix her cabinets, change her windshield wipers, and fix her sprinkler. Like many other widows, she did not want to be dependent on others. Megan says, “Humanity at large has similar tendencies.”

JOURNEYING WITH GOD

Independence is a virtue that is often praised in our culture but can be a hindrance in the Christian faith. “Autonomy (self-reliant) is the tendency to live our lives, even our faith, trusting in ourselves alone,” shares Megan. Whereas faith is nothing more than dependence on God. She says, “It is acknowledging that God is God, and we are not, and that we need Him for absolutely everything. It is relying on God for what we are tempted to rely on ourselves for. The struggle of dependence is not a matter of who is in control, for God is the one truly in control. It’s about what kind of relationship we want to have with the one who is in control, a choice between a competing or submitting relationship.”

Over the past few years, Megan has been traveling and teaching while raising her sons. She has also been grieving the loss of her best friend and partner. Yet even in the midst of her grief she has found gratitude (longing for God like she has never longed for Him before). Her pain has allowed her to relate to the pain of others. Her first sermon after Randy died was difficult to say the least. Her message was on trials. After she ended the sermon, she felt self-conscious, empty, and held her breath. The lead pastor walked towards her still on stage and said, “You’ve going to be moving from being really impressive to really impactful because pain is relatable.”

Trials are inevitable so keep your eyes on Jesus and reach out for Him in the pain. “This journey (grief) is not solitary; it’s a shared experience within a community of believers.”

IMPOSSIBLE MATH

A week after Randy’s death, Megan was talking with her friends about how after ten years of marriage, they were really starting to live into the truth of two becoming one. Then the unthinkable happened. Megan recalls saying to her friends, “I was finally beginning to understand the crazy math of marriage two becoming one. But what happens when one loses one?” A year later her friend addressed the question Megan proposed. She said, “Megan, I’ve watched you over the past year, and it seems as though half of you is in heaven.” Just as Megan and Randy became one on their wedding day, the same is true of our faith and trust in God as well. “The journey God is taking us on in our relationship with Him is intended to develop our oneness with Him as we rely on His guidance and faithfulness,” reveals Megan. Over the years in their marriage, Megan got to know Randy better, but she also got to know herself more. The same is true in our relationship with God. We are not meant to journey this life without God. Instead, we are to trust His sovereignty more and our autonomy less.

HOW TO WALK WITH GOD

Just like Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” (ESV) Using these scriptures as a guide, Megan reminds you how to walk with God in your everyday routines:

• Trust in the Lord (with all your heart) – God is in control, relieving you of the burden of trying to be. Our job is to be open to His ways. Don’t try to hide anything from Him. Go to God with everything, even your anxiety. You don’t have to ignore your worries, instead speak to Him about your concerns and the way you don’t trust Him. Be truthful. He will grow you and transform you when you open up to Him. This is a process, and it requires vulnerability and time spent with Him.
• Lean not (on your own understanding) - Don’t rely on yourself. Instead, acknowledge God everywhere and He will align your desires with His. In different seasons of life, Megan equated the health of her spiritual life with how good she was at spiritual disciplines (praying, reading the Bible, and serving others). Although the disciplines are a conduit, the transformation within you is a matter of grace, not your work. Another example Megan shares from her personal life is a wandering mind in prayer. “I used to think a wandering mind was a distraction from prayer. The problem was I didn’t know my wandering mind was a gift. It brings my mind to the topics that already have my heart, the very things God is interested in talking to me about because they are most interesting to me,” reveals Megan.
• Submit to Him – Grief is one of the ways that can be submitted to God. For the first two weeks after Randy’s death, Megan didn’t pray with words, “My heart couldn’t speak a coherent sentence. I trusted that the Holy Spirit was praying for me with groans.” She believes her grief has drawn her closer to God and she has gained two superpowers: (1) she now knows she can’t do this life alone and (2) she cares a whole lot about the things that really matter and is finally beginning to care a whole lot less about all those things that really don’t.
• He will make your paths straight – God will guide you and align your desires with His. All you have to do is open your heart to Him and trust that He is there. For example, Randy and Megan used to live downtown and walk everywhere. Randy would always remind his son to hold his hand tightly over every alleyway. The truth is even if his son forgot to hold his hand tightly, Randy was already holding his hand.

For more information on Megan Fate Marshman click the Link! 

To purchase her book Relaxed click the Link! 

CREDITS

Author, Relaxed, (Zondervan Books, 2024); Teaching pastor at Willow Creek Community Church; Director of women’s ministries at Hume Lake Christian Camps; Women’s pastor at Arbor Road Church; Received a B.S. degree in communication studies from Westmont College; Pursuing Doctorate of Ministry from Biola University; Two sons, Foster and Jedidiah

“Look at you. You think you've got everybody fooled, but you know what you are, you're not a good father, you weren't a good husband, you're an alcoholic.” Jamie Vaughn remembers the dark thoughts that plagued his mind. “You're, you're an addict. You're all these things. And if you really want, do your daughter and the world a favor, you'll end it right now.”

Jamie was abandoned by his parents after his birth. He was adopted by his grandparents and at a young age he found self-worth and a sense of control in martial arts. He says, “I totally allowed this to shape my identity 'cause I didn't have one, you know, I grew up without a, a dad in my life. I didn't have that male influence, living with a sense of that abandonment from your parents, especially a father that really hurt a lot. ‘Why doesn't he love me?’ Right? ‘Why doesn't he accept me?’”

His grandparents took him church, but his identity and purpose came from his time in the dojo. His commitment there turned into a successful career which led to coaching MMA fighters and his induction in the us martial arts hall of fame. “I put my identity in success of whatever I did.” Says Jamie, “And every time I would get what I was looking for, it didn't fulfill me. So I was constantly looking for something else. I couldn't be successful enough. I couldn't have enough money in the bank. I had everything I had ever really wanted, had security, I had all that. And then when the whole world crashed it, none of it was worth anything to me.”

His world crashed in 2011 when his wife Amanda, who had a long term heart condition told Jamie to call 911. He says, “I was in the middle of the call, and she fell on me. And at that point, I'm on the phone with 911, performing CPR on her, my daughter was standing there with her mom's Bible praying over her mom, begging God to spare her. And I'm trying to do everything I can do. I've trained my whole life everything from, you know, martial arts to military, to just everything, to have this world that I control, I couldn't save my own wife. I couldn't save and protect my daughter from that pain. In that moment I felt completely out of control.” Amanda died in his arms. Jamie’s illusion of control perished with his wife. Over the next year he began abusing alcohol and prescription drugs. Anything to dull the pain. Jamie says, “I was so dependent on this stuff. I became a person I never thought I would become. I didn't even recognize that person. I had my daytime self. I'm a mentor to these kids that I teach martial arts to. I'm a coach to these guys that fight for me. But then there was another side to me. I don't even know what I've become. But here's the big deal. I didn't know how to get out of it. I didn't know how to stop.”

He did his best to hide his vices while living a double life and struggling with addiction.  Then, one day while out on his property target shooting, his mind was flooded with guilt and thoughts of condemnation. He remembers his thoughts, “Look at you. You think you've got everybody fooled, but you know what, you are, you're not a good father, you weren't a good husband, you're an alcoholic. You're, you're an addict. You're all these things.  You're right. I'm just, I'm just a miss. I'm a failure. I am. I don't need to be here anymore. And that's when I took the weapon and I put it in my mouth and I pulled the trigger, And I'll never forget this, when I pulled the trigger, it clicked. And when this thing clicked, something in my head clicked. I was like, I, I don't, I don't want to die. And I dropped on my knees. I'll never forget that. And I’ve done all the sinner’s prayers and all that other stuff. But in that moment, I really talked to God and I was like, God, I'm a mess. I'm, I'm just jacked up, messed up. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. And it's a wreck. But if you can do something with it, you can have it. 'cause I can't live like this by myself anymore.”

Jamie says God met him in his moment of surrender. “I fell on my knees, a broken wreck of a person. But I got up a child, of the living God, peace flooded, joy flooded. Something happened inside of me. And I can't explain it, you know, it's, it is way beyond emotions and feelings. Something just happened that I was like, this is real. And I never really experienced that in my life. I experienced religion, but not the Holy Spirit. He gave me real life in that moment. It was joy that I had not really ever experienced. It was a fulfillment I've not ever experienced.”

A moment later, as he cleared the gun the shot fired. Jamie knew God had miraculously spared his life. That day, he found freedom and a new identity in Christ - as he put his future in God’s control. Jamie says, “And so everything just became alive, you know? So as I began to just walk with God and it was like, it just, these changes began to fall off one after the other, after the other. What I found in him was what I really wanted. And this other stuff, except this was real, it wasn't counterfeit. So there's no going back for me. When he gave me a new purpose, it gave me new desires. And not that I don't love and appreciate everything martial arts has given me, but man, I wanted to serve God full time.”

He has since remarried and now works in ministry - encouraging others to find their peace, purpose and identity as a child of God through Jesus Christ. “If you want real peace, you gotta meet Jesus. He's the one that brings peace. He's the prince of peace, all that stuff. But you really gotta meet him and you really have to trust him, and you really have to obey and walk with him on a regular basis to really get that.” He says, “The stuff that I tried to get peace from and cover up and feel for all those years, I found it in him. He really is my father. When I pray, I'm praying, like Paul said, Abba, like little children like daddy. That's how I look at him. Because what I found in him is like, man, is this what it's like? I'll stay right here forever. This is good.”

6-year-old Erron struggled to keep up with other kids his age in his remote village in Cambodia. When he played, he got tired, and his stomach ached from a hernia that had developed after he was born.  "I felt pain in my lower stomach, especially when the weather was cold. I also started eating less,” he said.

Erron's family lives off of rice farming and fishing.  "I tried everything I could but nothing worked. I took him to the local clinic, but they couldn't help. We are Christians so we prayed,” said Srey Lan, his mom. 

The doctor diagnosed the boy’s condition and said surgery was his only option. “I borrowed money to take him to the city hospital,” his dad, Chorn Chum told us. “They said his surgery would cost hundreds of dollars.  I was heartbroken and we went home without hope." 

Then an Operation Blessing medical team came to their village. That’s when YOU made it possible for Erron to receive free surgery to repair his hernia.  “God answered my prayers!” declared Srey Lan. “After the surgery, my son said he doesn't feel any pain. He’s eating and playing like all the other boys.”

“After my operation I felt like a superhero!” declared Erron. “I can run, ride my bike, and have epic games with my friends.   I love you all, and may God bless you!” 

What a beautiful example of how CBN partners share the love of Jesus around the world with people in need! If you’re not yet a partner, we invite you to join us today. Help bring God’s love through initiatives like clean water wells, medical missions, feeding programs, and so much more—all in the name of Jesus! Join us today and become a part of what God’s doing through CBN partners.

LIFE CHANGES

 After dealing with her disintegrating marriage publically for a decade, Lysa TerKeurst sought a divorce from her husband of 29 years, Art TerKeurst, in December 2021.  In a January 2022 interview with The Christian Post, Lysa says, “Over the past several years, I have fought really hard to not just save my marriage, but to survive the devastation of what consistent deception of one spouse does to the other.  It’s brutal and heart crushing to constantly fear the hurtful choices of someone you love. I’ve had to learn the hard way there’s a big difference between mistakes (which we all make) and chosen patterns of behavior that dishonor God and the biblical covenant of marriage.”  Since then, Lysa says she’s worked hard at healing and focusing on her own health, and is surprised by how far she’s come.  In early 2023, Lysa met author and ministry leader, Chaz Adams, and says on Church Leaders.com, “As the pages kept turning last year, we knew what we’d found in each other was love. A beautiful love that requires work like love always does.  But a togetherness that is safe, honest, fun, funny and surrendered to the sacred way God tells us to love and care for each other.”  Engaged last fall, the couple married in early January 2024, amidst their families in the French Alps. 

Though her new marriage has helped to heal her deeply-wounded heart, Lysa says that marriage itself isn’t the real Healer; that role will always be filled by God alone.  “I think people assume that all is well and my struggles are gone because, after ten years of heartbreak, I have a new man in my life who loves me and loves Jesus.  But I still have to fight against the deep ache inside me that longs to see justice, not just for what happened in the death of my marriage, but what continues to happen.  Just a few months ago, out of the blue, a sheriff’s deputy showed up at my door to deliver papers informing me I have to go to court and face him again.  Right when I thought everything was finally settled, a new battle began.”   She says she’s learned to cope with such things with a perspective change, wrought by God.  “Slowly, I have realized I cannot attach my hope to God making things feel fair.  And I certainly can’t attach my hope to the outcomes I desperately want.  I have to attach my hope to who God is.  He is good.  He is faithful.  He is my Father who loves me.  So, my challenge now is not to tie my hope of a better future to this new man.”

RED FLAGS

“When I think about red flags, I think about the ones that are put up at the beach when there are conditions that shouldn’t be ignored.  If you jump in that ocean, completely ignoring the clearly posted red flag, you may suffer severe consequences,” Lysa states, proposing a shift from “blind trust to wise trust.”  She explains: “Some people believe that when you love someone, you must give them unconditional trust.  But we all know that’s not possible on this side of eternity.  So instead of shooting for unconditional trust where we are blind to. 

red flags and expected to overlook them, we need to shift from blind trust to wise trust.  Wise trust requires us to take an honest look at reality.  While people sometimes lie with their words, the truth eventually emerges in their actions.”  She cites and explains eleven different red flags in character that are signs of relational warning.  A couple of those:

• Insecurity.  “This person lacks confidence in themselves so much that it creates a deep-rooted fear inside of them that you’ll leave them.  This person can be jealous even though there isn’t a legitimate reason.  They need incessant encouragement to feel more stable in their relationships.”  Examples:  “They tend to need you in unrealistic ways and are too dependent on you to help stabilize them or make them feel better about themselves.  They get upset at you for talking with other people instead of them when you attend a party together, because they are unsure of themselves and their ability to branch out on their own.”
• Immaturity.   “This person acts childishly.  They don’t think through the consequences of their choices.  When they get caught, it’s always someone else’s fault.  When something hurts them or they don’t get their way, they have temper tantrums or pouting episodes.”  Examples:  “Their regular behavior tracks with someone much younger and less emotionally developed than their actual age and stage of life.  They lack self-awareness and seem emotionally tone-deaf.”

CAN WE TRUST GOD WHEN WE DON’T UNDERSTAND?

“There’s a lot I don’t understand.  I don’t understand why good relationships sometimes go very, very badly. I don’t understand why two people can look at the exact same situation and have two very different interpretations of what happened,” Lysa confesses.  “I’m realizing that I attach a great deal of my trust in God to my desire for things to turn out like I think they should.  I want the goodness of God to compel Him to fix things, change minds, prevent hurt, punish the bad, and vindicate the good on my timeline.  I want the goodness of God to make people who do hurtful things say they are sorry and then act better, do better, be better.”  Through prayer, God has helped her to see differently.  “I must acknowledge God’s version of making my path straight most likely will not line up with what I expect.  He may have a completely different definition of straight. Another way to understand straight is that God is able to see into the future and to make sense of it.  My understanding will never allow for this.  We press into Him by doing what we already know to do: get into His Word, pray, listen to Him, look for evidence of His goodness, and remember times when He was so very faithful in the past.  What if a big part of our exhaustion and anxiety around hard circumstances is that we are constantly trying to remove faith from our relationship with Him?  When we trust people, we are looking for evidence we can see with our physical eyes that trusting them is safe.  Faith doesn’t work that way.  Faith will always make us anxious and unsure unless we are confident in the goodness of God.”  

TRUST VS. CONTROL

“Life . . . it’s not what I expected.”  Life sometimes works like a surprise party.  Other times like a surprise attack.  The only thing certain is that it will be filled with the unexpected.  I know this, but I still have this driving sense inside me that if I just know enough, worry enough, research enough, plan enough, arrange enough, talk things through enough, stay ahead of things enough, and make sure everyone else is on the same page as me, then I can keep life going like it should go.  Humans who break our trust do not have the power to break apart God’s good plans for our lives.  They may have enough influence in our lives to hurt our hearts and make us feel derailed.  But people are never more powerful than God.”  Lysa recalls her constant striving to control the responses of others and outcomes of situations.  “In the end, it didn’t work.  Trying to control and manage situations and people left me with patterns of thought, doubts, and triggers that I am still trying to undo.  I am having to retrain my thinking that a different plan doesn’t mean a bad plan.”

For more information on Lysa Terkeurst click the Link!  For more information on Proverbs 31 Ministries click the Link! 

CREDITS

Seven-time New York Times bestselling author, written 21 books.  Her latest: I Want to Trust You, But I Don’t (Thomas Nelson, 2024) / Chief Visionary Officer, Proverbs 31 Ministries / Popular conference and cruise speaker, including Women of Faith events / Media: Focus on the Family, Fox News, CNN, The Today Show, Good Morning America, Oprah etc. / Newly married to Chaz Adams, 2024; mother of five grown children, three grandchildren