'Bishop Lazarus': TD Jakes Makes Big Comeback to the Pulpit After Stroke Sent Him to ICU

“When I would do the drugs, I wouldn't think about things. But when I started coming down is when everything would start hitting me. The guilt and shame was just eating at me. It was eating me alive.” At 39 years old, Sheila Rice wasn’t sure if meth would destroy her life, or she’d do it herself. She recalls, “I felt like I wanted to take my life. I would even entertain thoughts of how can I get somebody to kill me today? I just felt so unworthy.”
 
Sheila had started smoking weed in junior high. It escalated when she was 17 and lost her dad to lung cancer. However, at that time, she had her drug use under control.  By her mid-twenties, Sheila was married with two kids, she’d quit using altogether and even started going to church with her family, though pursuing God was never a priority. She says, “I knew God, I prayed, but I really just wanted to do what I wanted to do.” Then at 28, she let drugs back into her life after her husband’s job moved them from Tennessee to Iowa. She recalls, “We had no family there. Um, met some friends, met people, and I started smoking pot again. Um, just to have something to do.”
 
By the time, she and her family moved back to Tennessee five years later, they had stopped going to church. For several years Sheila and her husband were constantly fighting, and she was struggling with her self-esteem.   Pot was still Sheila’s ‘drug of choice’, until a coworker convinced her to try meth. Sheila recalls, “I liked it and it gave me energy, made me feel young. I was losing weight, but I wanted to do it every day.” It wasn’t long until meth had total control of Sheila’s mind and body. She says, “I just wasn't myself. I wasn't like the loving mother that I was before. I brought all this guilt and shame and, um, embarrassment to my family that I deserved. I was damned and I deserved to be that way.”
 
Despite her husband’s efforts and support, Sheila continued to drown in addiction. After two years she and her husband separated, and their children were living with Sheila’s mom.  By then, Sheila was shooting up meth daily. She says, “I was homeless, staying here and there, and crying every day, for my family. I didn't know how to get back to them. I don't think I wanted to quit though. 'cause I liked the energy and the feeling of it.” The only time she talked to God was to ask Him to end her life. She recalls, “The guilt and shame was just eating at me. It was eating me alive. I would really scream at Him, and I would say, please kill me today and get me outta my misery, I was thinking that I just wasn't worthy to breathe air.”
 
Then, on July 21, 2014, the now 41-year-old Sheila was arrested on drug charges. While sitting in her cell that night, she says the fear of God came over her. She recalls, “The feeling of it was, was like how powerful He was and how all knowing and all, all wise, and it was a, a feeling of like, I had respect for Him that I'd never gave Him before. My life started flashing before my eyes. And those flashes was my daughter's faces. That's all I could see was their faces. And I was like, what have I done? It just, it was like everything hit me all at one time. How I'd been living, how I was separated from God was separated from my family. I said, please forgive me for what I've done for the way I've done my family. I completely and totally surrendered to you now. I don't wanna live like this anymore. I can't do this anymore. I released it all to God in a complete surrender to Him.”
 
Since she had no prior arrests, Sheila was ordered to rehab and released to her mom’s custody to await trial. She says, “I was able to go home, hug my daughters, asked for their forgiveness, and they forgave me so easy. They were so happy to have me back. We were going to church. And while I was at church, rededicated my life to the Lord and got baptized.” Sheila would spend almost 5 years in prison -- free from drugs, and free to pursue her relationship with God. She says, “When I went to prison, I took God right with me. There we went hand in hand, and I just continued reading the Bible, Genesis, the Revelation, over and over. And I would just fill my head, my mind with, um, with God, with his word. The Lord paid a big price for us. And if He could do that for me, who am I to feel unworthy and hopeless and helpless? That's not from Him. He loves us and He wants us to, to be the best that we can be.”
 
In that time Sheila reached out to her husband who had also rededicated his life to God.  When she was released, he welcomed her with open arms, something she says only happened through God’s forgiveness and love. Sheila says, “He gave back my marriage better than it had ever been before. I have a really good husband who loves me, who never gave up on me, who tried to help me.” Today, Sheila loves to share the grace that anyone can have when they surrender their life to God. She says, “If you will draw near to God, I promise you everything in me, He will draw near to you. He loves us even when we don't love ourselves. And He's just waiting with His arms open.”

A man's journey into skydiving as a way to strengthen his faith turned into an incredible story. It starts with a mid-air collision caught on video that you must see and ends with a miracle.  

Dana was born with a cleft lip. His mother, Thoeun, was heartbroken and said she felt like a failure as a mom. “I wondered what I did to cause this to happen. I went for ultrasounds during my pregnancy. The doctors said everything looked normal. I wondered what I did wrong,” recalled Thoeun. 

After Dana's birth his dad said he had no idea where to turn for help for his son. All he knew was that he would always be there for his little boy and take care of him. “I felt hopeless,” he said. “I couldn't control my emotions. Sometimes I wanted to cry because of his cleft palate because I couldn't afford to help him."

Then a relative told Thoeun about Operation Blessing. Thanks to you, we arranged and paid for Dana to receive free surgery to repair the cleft lip. That surgery was successful.  

“Seeing his smile makes me feel stronger and more motivated,” said Dan his father. “Every day, I bathe him and look after him. Thank you to everyone who helped my son."

“His health has improved,” added Thoeun. “And he has gained weight. Even though we don't have much, we have happiness in our family thanks to the people who support Operation Blessing!”

“I remember, being locked in my van, in the van, I was so small, I was still in the car seat. So being in the garage being locked away. Just feelings of darkness and not wanting to be there.” Justin says his childhood was marked by severe mental abuse.  He was often locked in a dark garage for hours at a time as a form of punishment. Deep emotional wounds inflicted on him by his mother distorted his mental state daily.

He continues, “She would threaten to kill herself, hold knives up to her body, just graphic ways. She would always tell me and my siblings how dangerous like the world was, I think I gravitated to that, um, and adopted that into my life. being afraid to leave the house, and ultimately that led to me being diagnosed with, um, panic disorder agoraphobia, if I went outside, I just feel like I couldn't breathe.
The only time he really felt safe was when his father took him to church. Justin says, “And I remember being in a parking lot with my dad at after church, and him leading me in a prayer of believing in Jesus and hearing the gospel at church. So at an early age, Jesus, became my Lord. And so throughout the abuse and during these dark times, I would sense the love of God.”
 
Still, thoughts of hopelessness and suicidal ideation filled his mind. “And those feelings of depression kind of grew ultimately until, I just didn't wanna live anymore.” He says, “I started, having thoughts of suicide at 11 years old, 12 years old. And that grew until, all the way up through my early twenties.”

He drank alcohol daily and smoked marijuana in an attempt to dampen the mental darkness that consumed his thoughts. It only made things worse. Justin decided he would take his own life. He says, “The day leading up to it. I, it was kind of, I was completely blacked out. Like I, I wasn't even concerned with living anymore. Ultimately my plan was to wrap my car around a tree and end my life.” He mixed pills and alcohol and began driving, looking for a place to crash. Then, police lights interrupted his mission. He was arrested for drunk driving and spent the night in jail. The next day as he prayed and repented, he says God did a miracle in his heart and mind. “Just realizing God had allowed me to live and seeing how life is a gift from the Lord, I, I just was so grateful. That morning after being saved, I began to experience the, glory and the peace of the Lord Jesus. And Jesus saved my life that day.” He says, “And since then, I never looked back. All the feelings of hopelessness and suicidal thoughts were gone. And He replaced that with his peace, his joy. It's like I once, I didn't wanna live, now I want to live, you know, and the Lord did a miracle in my life.”

He found his confidence through worshiping Jesus. Fear and depression no longer had a place in his life.  He says, “After that I was able to leave my house I was able to go to church now and do worship services. Immediately when the worship started, I would just feel, I would just feel like this wind and God's presence would just wash away the anxiety. His spirit was there and the despair was gone.”
Justin says God helped him forgive his mom and has restored the relationship with his family, all while building new friendships through his church community. “The Lord helped me to forgive my mom and forgive my family. It says in Joel that he will restore the years the locusts have eaten, you know, the crawling those things that the enemy came in to eat up. The Lord comes in to restore. God has added to my life more than what was taken away previously.” Justin continues, “I now lead worship at my church when I can. And that his Holy Spirit never left. He's still there, and he's still leading me today. It feels good, it feels good yeah. I have never been the same since. God, never the same like God, He gave me a purpose, and he restored those things in my life.”