Softening a Hardened Heart 

“I was arrested for assault one, felony possession of a firearm, burglary, drug possession, shoplifting, drinking and driving, assault with a deadly weapon a couple times. I was arrested for quite a bit of stuff.” By the time he was 42, Jerry De Voe of Portland, Oregon had been arrested 28 times. It was a cycle of crime and chaos that started early.

Jerry was two when his father went to prison and his parents divorced. Jerry and his older brother were raised by their mom who had a string of abusive boyfriends. He recalls, “I watched my mom get stabbed. I watched my brother get stabbed. I was drug down the hall by my hair by one of her boyfriends. I was scared. I was confused. I didn’t know what was going to happen from one moment to the next.”

For years Jerry lived in chaos and poverty. He and his brother learned to survive on the streets: foraging through dumpsters for food and stealing to get by. Adding to the confusion, Jerry was molested when he was 8, and soon he found drinking and drugs helped him escape. He says, “It gave me that sense of relief like all my worries were gone. Living in fear and worry, you know, what we would have to do next. It just gave me core beliefs, you know, ‘I'm gonna hurt you before you hurt me.’ And everybody is out to get me.”

Jerry was 15 when one night his mom’s boyfriend attacked her. Jerry intervened and stabbed the man in his hand. That landed Jerry in juvenile detention, giving him his first taste of life behind bars. Jerry recalls, “I felt good. I felt like I was something, you know, and I could brag about what I did.”

Less than 6 months after being released he was back in “juvi” for stealing a car. Getting a taste of the criminal lifestyle left Jerry wanting more. He says, “Victimize somebody by breaking into their house or stealing their car, you know. That was pleasure to me. I felt like I was above them, I felt like I had control over them.” 

Crime, prison and substance abuse would define Jerry’s life for more than 25 years. During that time, he had one stint in jail where he got a glimpse of a different life. It was 2008 and Jerry was serving a 42-month sentence. Looking for something to break the boredom, he asked his aunt for a Bible. Jerry recalls, “I was curious. What is this God, what does this Jesus have for me? I believe that when I read bits and pieces of it would stick to me.”

After his release Jerry tried to change, but quickly fell back into his pattern of dealing and using drugs, committing crimes, and getting locked up. Now, however, a new feeling had surfaced. He says, “I was very ashamed of how I had went back. So, I wanted to cover up that shame by making other people feel that, by victimizing other people, making them feel hurt.”

Unable to change, Jerry spent the next 8 years either on the streets committing crimes or in prison reading his Bible, trying to find hope and a way out of his tortured life. He says, “I could relate to these men that were in the Bible. You know I read some of their stories, man, being abused, you know, being persecuted, being hated. How were they able to go through all this hurt and all this anguish and all this abuse and still continue to thrive.” 

Then in 2017 at 42 years old, sitting in jail again for driving while intoxicated, Jerry knew his days as a criminal and a drug addict had to stop. He says, “The street life had taken its toll on me. I was grateful to be in that county jail. I was away from chaos. And I picked back up my Bible and I didn't put it down. I read, and I read, and I read, you know, and as I read, I prayed, you know, ‘Lord, if you're real, you know, and if you have a will for my life, help me to understand it.’"

Over the next several months, Jerry read his Bible daily and prayed. He started repenting for his sins and finally, fully surrendered his life to God. Jerry recalls, “It just seemed to happen every day. As I started to confess my wrongs the shame lifted, you know, the guilt lifted. You know, the hate that I felt towards myself that I was, you know, portraying onto other people, lifted. Through the sacrifice of my Savior Jesus Christ, I was forgiven.”

Now a changed man, Jerry surrendered to God daily. By the time he was released, the lure of the streets, drugs, and crime had long since faded. He says, “It was now my duty to share the love of God that He had given me.” Today he is happily married with his own cleaning company. Jerry tries to share God’s love with everyone he encounter. He says, “God is a forgiving God. God is a merciful God. God laid down His life for me. He laid down His life for you, that we may be forgiven. No sin is greater than the other. No sin is less than the other. They're all equal, and they're all forgiven through the blood of Jesus Christ.”