Perfection, Suicide, and Acceptance

CBN.com - He was the epitome of the high achiever. He rose to the top of his class in a prestigious high school. He got a perfect score on his first college board test. He became a star wrestler on the school team. But a serious depression took Bob Boyd to the edge of suicide.

He was the type of young man who always excelled. He focused on practicing for the wrestling team. He worked out all year long until he began to win every match, and soon he was undefeated.

"I was on top of the world. I had it made," says Boyd.

But that all changed the summer of his sophomore year when Bob encountered a swim instructor at camp who held lifesaving courses in the lake at night.

"And when I went out to find him in the darkness, he grabbed my head and shoved me underwater and held me there. He was a former Green Beret from Vietnam, and he was stronger than I was," says Boyd. "As I struggled for my life, I finally tore free and burst to the surface, and I realized I could have died down there."

That happened over and over again that summer. The experience broke something in Bob. He drifted away from his childhood faith in Jesus Christ, and when he returned home from camp, his life began to fall apart. He began to push himself to be better, stronger. He held his breath for minutes to prove he could take the pain of being under water. He beat his own body until he was black and blue.

"The nights were the worst of all. I found that I was all alone and slammed my fist through walls and my body up against the walls and doors to see how much pain I could take. I screamed out every night for hours for someone to help me," says Boyd.

Bob's parents reacted as most parents would and sent him up and down the East Coast to the very best counselors, psychologists, and even psychiatrists, but no one seemed to be able to help him.

"I found myself in a locked cell, and I remember collapsing in a heap and saying, 'Oh, God, let me die, because it's not even worth living.'"

Saved by his strong academic record, Bob was accepted to the College of William and Mary. But his problems followed him from the hospital room to the frat house. He lived in 11 different places during his college years and was kicked out of them all because he was so loud as he screamed at night for hours at a time.

Then came Christmas Day when a bitter fight with his parents and girlfriend pushed him to make a terrifying decision. 

"Even though there was the beautiful tree and the bright lights and the shiny presents, Christmas that year was like a gift-wrapped box that was empty inside," says Boyd. "I thought, 'If this is as good as it gets, what use is it to go on?' I decided that the greatest thing I could do for myself and others would be to take my own life."

That night Bob walked toward the river that ran near his home. He was planning to tie a stone around his neck and drown himself in the river. Then the Light of Christmas came to him.

"As I prepared to throw myself in, I felt an invisible hand on my shoulder and a voice that said, 'That's far enough. You belong to me.' "

Bob returned to his room to see if God was really there, and as he did he broke down and began to weep.

"I said, 'Lord, if you're there, I'll follow you the rest of my life, but I have to know.' And at that moment, Jesus Christ burst into that room and into my life in such a powerful way that I've never had any doubt since that He's real."

The next morning his brother saw such a profound change over Bob's persona that the family knew Bob's problems were over.

Bob did spend most of his first year as a Christian in the hospital, but God transformed him as he read the Word of God. He found added strength in reading the New Testament writings of Paul and learning of that apostle's struggles with temptation and illness.

"'My strength is made perfect in weakness,' and that was the key," says Boyd.

And his strength has been made perfect in Bob's life. Bob attended seminary, became a pastor, and then was invited by Campus Crusade for Christ to speak at colleges across America. Today he leads a ministry in Norfolk, Virginia and is writing a book to share his struggle and the answer he found in Christ.

"God has done a miracle in my life," says Boyd. "He's given me a magnificent woman of God as my wife, four wonderful sons, and an international ministry, seeing people's lives touched all over the world. And when I contrast what I used to be and what I am now, well, there's only one person who can get the credit.

"God can change anyone's life if they will say, 'Lord, here is my life. Do with me whatever you would. I trust my life to you.'"