Living As 'Married Singles'
"Then when you get married and you have kids and you get caught up in the everyday things of the world and jobs," said Pete. "You just kind of lose sight of God."
"I started doing my thing, he started doing his thing," said Valerie. "We were like married singles. You've heard that phrase? That's what I felt we were. It got really sad, very depressing, and I said, 'Lord this is not what I wanted in my marriage.'"
Amazingly, to the outsider, they had a marriage and family that others admired.
"Our relationship was an example to so many people," said Valerie. "Not because we thought we were, but because people would tell us, 'Oh, you guys. we feel the Lord when we come to your home.'"
But on a much deeper level, their marriage was near an end.
"Well, things get so you're not communicating any more," said Pete. "You just don't want to be around that person any more. What's the reason to stay together? It's like you even begin to question, 'What did we even get married for?'"
Pete would often make excuses to get out of the house. The arguing, bickering, and monotony of daily life had destroyed his confidence as a husband and father. So, he would get in his car and drive, sometimes for hours. Sitting alone in an empty parking lot, Pete would think.think about how his marriage was over.
"I said, 'Lord why won't he pray with me?'" said Valerie. "Is it pride? Foolish pride? Or is it low self esteem? I didn't know why. I couldn't understand it. You know, why you take something that was so important and not exercise it with your family."
One moment, changed Valerie's perspective. In the days that followed September 11, she watched The 700 Club with greater interest. She found the avenue she was looking for to bring her family back to God. Her husband, who in her own words, had been put on the back burner, became the focus of her prayers instead of her criticism.
"So I just kept praying," said Valerie. "'Lord bring my husband back to where he needs to be, so at least we can handle our daily affairs and the crises we go through with our own children, so at least we can handle it together as a team.' A team with the Lord, a team with each other. That was my heart's desire."
Valerie didn't know it then, but a miracle was on the way.
"I just got tired of not being able to be with my wife," said Pete. "And I said, 'This has got to stop.' It was making me sick."
"My husband came up to the room that morning, and he put his arm around my waist," said Valerie. "My first reaction was, 'What is he doing? Why all of a sudden is he hugging me?' And I just tried to break the ice, so I said, 'Where were you, downstairs on the treadmill?' He said, 'No, somewhere more important than that.'"
"I went down in the basement," said Pete, "and I just prayed and asked God to help me. Help me be that father and that husband that I should be and just give me the strength to turn it around because I know it's my fault. This whole thing is my fault, I know it is."
"And he just started repenting," said Valerie, "and I forgave him right away, because I knew the Lord. I knew I had to forgive him, and I said, 'Lord only you can help me love him again.' But God has restored that loveit's just been a miracle, to me it's a miracle."
Through fervent prayer, faith, forgiveness, and a TV show that desires revival, God restored their marriage. So now, every morning, Pete and Valerie begin their day with prayer.
"We get up every morning about 6 and pray for a good fifteen minutes or more and that's something we never did," said Pete.
"And then I pray for him," said Valerie, "and he usually closes in a little prayer for me, that God will just watch over us and give us strength and keep our minds on Him for that day. It's a real blessing."
Best friends once again, Pete and Valerie praise God for what He's done in their marriage.
"Marriage can't work without God," said Pete. "It's just an impossibility as far as I'm concerned. That's the bottom line. You can't do it without the Spirit of God."
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