From Rock Bottom to Redemption

“I was consciously drinking to die. That was my intention. So, every time I did wake up, I would be so angry because that meant I was gonna have to deal with everything that I was trying to run away from.” Sheri Palmer’s life wasn’t always so miserable. In fact, up until her early 40s she had a nice job, great home, and everything was good. Sheri recalls, “I felt great. I felt like I had arrived and did exactly what I wanted to do with my life.”

Sheri grew up in church and had rededicated her life to God by 30. However, five years later, she bought a condo which began to take priority. About that time she says, “I wasn’t going to church as much. I wasn’t doing devotions. I was thinking about decorating and traveling, and that’s what happened. So, it was a subtle, subconscious walking away from God.” Independent and proud, 42-year-old Sheri was enjoying her life. Then, over the course of 18 months, that all changed. Sheri recalls what went wrong. “Job loss. My brother had come down with a rare disease. My dad was losing his eyesight and walking with a, starting to walk with a walker. I started having seizures. I was finally diagnosed with epilepsy on disability. I lost my driver's license.” As her independence was eroding, the lack of control sent Sheri into an emotional spiral. She recalls, “I was scared. And then I became angry. What was gonna be the next thing that was gonna happen, you know, what was expected of us. So that's when I was unable to sleep, and I had never had that issue before.”

She started medication for her epilepsy and a few months later got a new job. Nothing Sheri tried helped her insomnia until one day, while grocery shopping, she passed through the liquor aisle and grabbed a bottle of tequila. She recalls, “Took a couple shots and I slept like a baby. So, I thought, this is the answer. I can go to work, come home, take a couple of shots, and I can sleep like a baby. And that worked for a while.” Within a few months she went from a drink before bed… to drinking all day. Sheri says, “I did not wanna feel, I was afraid of pain. I did not wanna feel pain. I was afraid of losing my brother. I was afraid of humiliation. I was afraid of having to lose everything and start all over again. I didn't go back to God because at some point I became angry I wanted God to heal and to make everything better. I wanted him, I wanted him to do something, and it wasn't happening.”

She lost her job and went back on disability, staying at home to hide her drinking. She explains, “That was part of protecting my image. I didn't want people to know how bad things were. One of the biggest issues was the financial struggle, not being able to pay my bills. Here. I was a person that always paid my bills, and here having to file bankruptcy, that caused me to drink more. And I just did not wanna wake up to those issues anymore. So, then I had made an agreement with myself to start drinking enough to die so that I didn't have to wake up and deal with any of the issues. Every time I did wake up, I would be so angry because that meant I was gonna have to deal with everything that I was trying to run away from.”  Over the next several years the cycle continued. Sheri got blackout drunk every night and woke only to drink again. She couldn’t hold a job and lost her condo. Occasional stints in rehab only reinforced her feelings of failure when she picked up the bottle again. She recalls, “I was ashamed because at this point, I knew I was addicted to the alcohol, and I wasn't sure how I was gonna be able to stop or if I even wanted to stop.”

Then one day in April 2013, after getting drunk at a bar, Sheri went home with a man she didn’t know. The next morning, she woke up hungover and ashamed. She recalls, “I had to ask him what we did, and he helped me piece together what we did. I did not even remember that we had sex. That was enough. That was enough. So, I surrendered to God at that point. I told God that if He gave me one more chance, He could do whatever He wanted to do. And that’s when God showed up. When I finally cried out, He was right there. I felt relief because I knew that that was the step that I needed to make.”

She quit drinking, found a church, and was able to secure a new job. Then Sheri says she heard God tell her to ‘leave her four walls’. So, she packed up her apartment and stored her belongings with her mom. Though her church never knew, Sheri lived in her car for 10 months, sleeping in the church’s parking lot.  She was learning to lean on God and overcome her control and fear issues. About living in her car Sheri recalls, “I could go to work, I could go to AA meetings. The building where I worked had a gym, so I could work out, take a shower and park my car in front of the cross and go to sleep.  Letting go of everything that I knew, letting go of everything that was comfortable, letting go of the control, all of that was very, very scary. But I knew that I had to learn how to trust God.”

After those 10 months, Sheri found a new apartment and focused on growing closer to God as she pieced her life back together. Five years later, tragedy struck again when her dad, mom, and younger brother all died within 11 months. This time she turned to God instead of the bottle. She says, “I learned that fear causes me to run away from God, He wants me to move closer to Him so that when these issues are still occurring, I'm looking at Him. I'm looking at a big, huge, loving God that will take care of the issues that are around me.” Sheri no longer lives in fear because her confidence is in God, which is something she shares with everyone she meets. She says, “No matter what is going on in your life, no matter what you are struggling with at this moment, on this day, that ask God to help you, He is right there and He's waiting for you. Trust Him. The journey is worth it.”

To find out more about her newest book F' Fear: Footsteps through Fear toward Freedom, click the LINK! Or to purchase her book click the LINK!