God Healed Her Fear — Now She Helps Others Heal

“He hit me, threw me to the ground and began to rape me. And here I am. I'm 12 years old and I'm screaming and crying and fighting him off. My thought process was, I am going to die today.”

Valerie Carter’s abuse began at just five years old. Her innocence was stolen long before she could understand what was happening, leaving her trapped in a life of constant fear

She remembers, “I was fearful to go to sleep. Rest wasn't safe for me, I would have terrible nightmares and rest actually tormented me.”
Throughout her teen years, family friends and neighbors had taken advantage of her. The only place she felt safe was church. Valerie continues “I knew that I had Jesus in my heart, and so I ended up marrying a phenomenally great man, who was always very patient with me. I got pregnant within seven months of us getting married. That’s when torment really began to take over. I have this fear that something bad will happen to my child if I don't protect her. My husband is a fireman. He slept at the fire station two, three, four days in a row. And when he would be gone, I did not sleep.”

For years nothing worked to help her sleep.  Her fear consumed her day and night.

“I began to have anxiety attacks where my chest would get really tight, and it feels like someone was pinching my airway,” says 
Valerie. “So I just had a little air and I would begin to hyperventilate, fall to the ground, weeping and crying because I was so terrified. And I really hid that from a lot of people, including my husband.”

Although Valerie prayed and studied her Bible, she struggled to trust 
God's word

“The Bible says, “do not fear” over 365 times. So, we can read a scripture daily, “do not fear.” She contemplates, “but it's not that I didn't think it applied to me. I thought maybe and all the shame from all the trauma and the abuse that I experienced, that I didn't deserve it.”

Being home alone always made her uneasy, and when she heard a sudden crash in the house, her heart pounded, “I fall to the ground shaking, terrified, and having that cyclical thought process run through my head, whoever is in this house is here to kill you, but first they’re going to rape you. Then they're going to cut you into a million pieces and mutilate you. And that is what your husband and your children are going to come home to. I couldn't breathe. And I'm shaking and I must have laid there for an hour or two just crying.”

She realized there wasn’t anyone else in the house. Valerie then knew she needed to confess her struggle with a friend at church.
Valerie reflects, “The person that's hearing my story says, “Valerie, don't you know that fear is your idol?” And I thought, wow, I'm the most Christian, Christian, Christian you can get. I pray, I read my Bible, I teach Bible study, I serve at church. I am not making fear my idol. So, I go home and I'm standing in the very spot that the worst anxiety attack that I've ever experienced happened. And I ask the Lord, “Is fear my idol?” And the Holy Spirit clapped back as fast as I asked it and He said, “yes, fear is your idol.” And I'm on my knees and I'm repenting. And I'm saying, “God forgive me. You are first and you are King in my heart. Help me.” I look over my left shoulder and there is this black, venomous, fanged thing screaming. And it was so malevolent and so evil, and I knew it hated me so much. And it began to scream. And then it just disappeared. And for the first time in my life, I took a deep breath. And it's like I could breathe, and it was as if someone removed an anvil from my neck. And now I can stand up straight. And I thought, I have never known this freedom or this peace before that really, truly surpasses all of my understanding.”
That night, while her husband was a work, Valerie slept and woke refreshed for the first time in 40 years. Delivered from fear, her life has never been the same

She smiles, “I don't operate out of fear anymore and actually, I pray for my abusers. I pray for them by name. Freedom came in. My repentance and freedom came in me offering forgiveness that God offered me.”

Today Valerie ministers to women who are coming out of sex trafficking, addiction, and deep trauma. She states,  “the Word of God says, heal the broken hearted. And the greatest reward in my life is all this stuff that the enemy meant to destroy me. God is used for his glory. And I get to walk through healing, restoration, redemption. These ladies and sometimes men, they're rescued, they're redeemed, and they're transformed.”