Done Living a Life Without Purpose

Tim’s story -
“I was addicted to everything under the sun. At least 75-years old, I’m still doing meth. I don't care. I didn't care. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. You know, drugs, the fast cars, the women, pornography, the sex, the violence is super violent. My answer to every situation that came up was a punch in somebody's face. That's how I dealt with everything. Had to be the best. I always had to drink the most. I always had to do the most drugs. I always had to stay up the most nights in a row, you know? And along with that just came all. All of the pitfalls of alcohol and marijuana. I really don't know what it was before, but I know I was looking for something because I was trying everything, doing everything.”

“I wasn't happy with myself. So I was trying to, you know, self-medicate. I was trying to escape my reality on the outside. Everyone thought, you know, I was going on it when, you know, I was the envy of all my friends around me. And I was completely lost. It didn't matter how much drugs I did, I always wanted more. That stuff wore off, you know, be cool for a minute, but then it would wear off and I'd be searching for something else again. And the hole in my heart was still there. Probably selling a half a pound of meth a week and a gram is enough to get a meth addict high for at least a day or two.”

Tim continues, "So, I was putting that out constantly, all the time, mailing 5 pounds a week to Texas every couple of weeks to supplement my income. I went to county jail a lot, a lot of time building up. I probably did three or four years worth of county time just for drugs, drunk driving, possession of meth. So I went to three years the first time, did 18 months to the day, went to San Quentin, which was quite the eye opener. Just completely hardened. And it was the hardest, knowing I didn't care about anybody except myself. I mean, all the poison I pushed out on the street. I never, ever thought for a minute that I could be forgiven. You know, I certainly believed there was a God. I just didn't think that I was worthy of His love. You know, it seemed like it made sense that there was a God. I just didn't think you want anything to do with me.”

In 2021 Tim met a street preacher who told him God loves him and can forgive his sins.

Tim remembers, “I was just crying. I just felt all the weight, all these chains come off me, all the weight off my shoulders. All those years of searching for something. I just felt like, I just felt like I was being washed clean. I just knew something had shifted. Something was different and it was amazing. And super, super scary at the same time."

Tim recalls, "I had no idea what was going on. The Holy Spirit was just rushing through me, all through me, and it changed me completely. Changed me, changed me, changed my heart immediately. And after that, I didn't, I didn't want anything else to do it. I still had drugs. I still had weed, we still had alcohol, and I didn't want nothing to do with it after that, you know."

"Now I'm completely fulfilled, happier than I've ever been. That is what I've been looking for all my life. The love of Jesus. And I haven't even craved drugs, or drinking, or alcohol or anything since, you know. I completely, 100% completely changed me from the inside out.The only thing that enters my mind about drugs is getting that guy on the corner off of them and get him in the treatment."

"You know, I see these people on the freeway, off ramps, on the street corners with the cardboard. And I am drawn to them every single time. I'm super drawn to them. And I think that's part of the Lord's plan for me. I think, you know, it's probably my purpose. He loves each and every one of us so much."

Tim continues, "There it doesn't matter what we've done in the past. He does not care. He loves us. And He will love us right where we are. And He loves us just the way we are. Of course, He refuses to leave us that way. But He will come in just the way you are. You don't have to, like, clean up your sins to come to God. I was such a sinner, and I know the Lord is pleased now that I've changed my ways and I'm on His team because I was not on his team for so long."