Wendee

VanOrder

For most people grief is a feeling they experience when someone near and dear to them has died. Others may consider grief a process they go through when they've lost something meaningful, such as their home to a fire or their health to a disease. Still, some may say it's related to something more abstract such as the loss of one's innocence or desire in life. All these definitions have a common denominator: a person actually possessed something before losing it.

In speaking with friends, I'm beginning to see grief and the process one goes through very differently. Grief also involves the absence of something one never possessed in the first place. One can grieve over not having what others naturally experience in life. Take, for instance, a woman unable to bear children. She never had the experience most women do. Or what about a single woman who never marries? She never knew and loved a husband to even experience what losing one is like, yet her pain is no less valid. She, too, must come to terms with grief when years have passed and age hinders her likelihood of ever marrying and having a family of her own. Perhaps she will have an unconventional family, but the traditional milestones women undergo in forming a family are beyond reach. This, too, is something one mourns, especially when there is a daily reminder that hundreds around her have experienced this "normal" rite of passage.

It's important to recognize that grief may not necessarily take the usual route, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It's important to acknowledge grief's presence in one's life. Then and only then can you be open and honest with your emotions. This provides an opportunity to consider God's perfect plan for your life, that despite it looking different than what you anticipated, you still hold significant purpose and value on this earth.

Validating your own experience is necessary, but being thankful for it can help turn your grief around.