Robin

Luftig

It was during a five-hour distraction-free drive to speak at a women’s conference when I heard God’s voice in my heart ask me a four-word question that changed my life forever.

Do you trust Me?

I wish I could say I answered with a resounding, Yes, of course, I trust You, but I didn’t. Instead, I pondered God’s provision, and honestly, what I perceived as the lack of it. While I had entertained the idea of a living God early in life, bad choices had filled my young adult years. But my life changed course when I met Jesus. I chose to move beyond my darkness and share the Good News with others.

I was prepared to give examples of the grace and mercy He offered me and tell these women at the conference how God offered these same gifts to them as well. Yet, as I continued my drive, I answered the Great I Am’s question, Do you trust Me? with a big, I don’t know.

Instead of answering His question, I tried to divert the conversation by asking my own question.

Can’t we keep our relationship as it is; me talking about Your grace and mercy and You watching my back?

I knew God’s heart from studying Him for the past few years and should have realized the question he posed had a purpose. Three weeks later, that purpose revealed itself when I suffered a grand mal seizure and was told I had ten days to live. As I lay crying in an emergency room bed, I heard that familiar voice in my heart once more.

Do you trust Me?

Often we find ourselves in moments that seem unsurmountable. During my moment — those ten days — I pondered over my past and choices I had made that drove my life’s trajectory from one catastrophe to another. During that assessment, God showed me through scripture, prayer, and meditation, how He had kept me safe, even though I hadn’t seen Him. Through family suicide, abusive relations, and great loss, He never left me. Sadly, the distractions of each calamity had stolen my focus. Instead of seeking Him, I acted as if I had everything under control.

But God loved me enough to allow me to run away from my pain. In my moment, I realized I couldn’t run anymore. That realization forced me to face down the demons who had haunted me. I needed to ask myself, Do I trust God?