Running Away from a Devastating Family Secret

“I just was like, ‘I'm just a tomboy,” said young Frances confidently, “I would rather play sports, I would play football with the guys or play basketball.”

But growing up, Frances Payton felt it was the color of her skin, not sports, that set her apart even more.

“Everybody that would meet me, they'd be like, ‘What are you mixed with,’ and I’m like, ‘I’m black,’” defended Frances. “And I was just like, ‘I’m a lighter version,’ or I would make excuses but I knew that I was kinda the oddball in the family.”

Yet her mom always assured her that her husband Frank was Frances’ father.

“I heard people asking me, ‘is Frank your father? He's your real father? Are you sure,’” Frances recounted. “And I'm like, ‘yes, that's my real father.’"

Pushing her doubts aside, Frances focused on things most important to her: basketball, family, and her Christian faith.

“My relationship with God, at that point,” said Frances, “I think it was deeper than the religion part of it. I think I was really seeking after God when I was that age.”

Then at 17 while looking through family pictures, she found her birth certificate. The name listed as the father, wasn’t the man she had always called ‘dad.’

“I went to my mother and I was like, ‘who's this guy,’” Frances questioned. “And I remember she snatched it from me and she said, ‘he's not important.’ And I was like, ‘he's not important? He IS important, cause I need to know this.’ (But) she would not talk to me about it, she said ‘one day we’ll talk about it,’ and I could not get anything from her.”

Frances became depressed as she tried to grasp that her whole life had been a lie.

“I was very emotional. I cried a lot,” said Frances. “At that point, I just felt betrayed by everybody. I just felt lost. And I was like ‘this does not make sense, Lord. I’m angry.’”

During this time, a girl asked if the two could hang out. A friend was exactly what Frances was looking for.

“I was very vulnerable at that point. I think it was the comfort, that I was like looking for,” said Frances. “People didn’t understand me or what I was going through and I kinda felt like I was alone. So I’m thinking, ‘oh, I have a friend. Cool.’"

“From there, things got physical,” continued Frances. “And I remember the first kiss, I was like, I think this is weird.’ but then, on the other hand, I was like, ‘Oh, I like this kinda.’"

Frances knew it was wrong, but couldn’t ignore her feelings.

“I was literally like waging war. I was like, I love god, but then I have this comfort here,” debated Frances.

The relationship was short-lived, but Frances had found a place to belong. After high school she joined the Air Force and eventually was stationed in Texas. For the next five years, she embraced her identity and place in the LGBT community.

“I really felt accepted for who I was,” told Frances. “Well God, nothing makes sense to me right now, so I’m just gonna kinda, do what I want. So I’m just going wild. I'm living it up! I'm not going to church. I don't even want to even step in the church because I’m like, ‘they're gonna judge me.’”

But deep down she knew that something had to change.

“I had no peace. I'm going against everything I was raised to be, everything that God called me to be. It was tearing me up,” admitted Frances. “I was just playing tug of war constantly and it had me really depressed 'cause I didn't see a way out.”

By 23, Frances was in a long-term relationship. One morning, they got into a violent argument.

“And I remember her picking up a glass cup from the dresser and she tried to hit me with it,” Frances recounted, “And we just start fighting, wrestling and I had blood all on me.”

She managed to get away and later moved out. Finally, Frances turned to God.

“I looked in the mirror as tears ran down my face, I was like, ‘Lord, if you get me out of this, like I’ll change. I'll change,’” Frances pleaded. “And that was my prayer of desperation, at that point.”

A week later, Frances received orders for Korea. A new start in a new place was the change she needed.

“I remember God just beginning to work on the inside and I started to be kinda turned off to the things that I was used to,” said Frances acknowledging a change. “And ‘Lord, You are my peace, I’ll do anything to get right with You. And I love you more than anything.’”

As Frances began rebuilding her relationship with Christ, her desire to be with women faded. But she still struggled to forgive her mother. Until she learned the truth.

“My godmother told me, she said, ‘you know your mom was raped,’” Frances said emotionally. And I was like, ‘I didn’t know that, cause she didn’t tell me.’”

She also learned it was a white man who was a stranger.

“So I was like, ‘I understand, you didn't know really how to tell me,’” Frances said to her mother. “And I told her, I said, ‘mom, I love you regardless. And you gave me life. You chose to keep me 'cause you could have aborted me. But I’m here. And I thank you for that.’"

Today Frances still serves in the military, as a medic, and hopes one day to have a husband. For now though, she’s content to share her story on social media, and encourages others to become who God made them to be.

“I was rejecting that for a long time, I was playing that tug of war, still,” remembered Frances. “And, you know, looking back at it, I’m like, ‘Lord, you were trying to get my attention so long to let me know, like, ‘I care. Like, I love you.’"