Getting Past the Hurdles of Addiction for a Bright Future

TRACY’S STORY

Brought up in a Christian family, Tracy says there were many seeds of God’s Word planted in her heart. Sadly, there were many ungodly seeds, too. When she was just eight years old, a neighbor molested her, scarring her developing view of herself. By late junior high, she started drinking and experimenting with drugs and boys -- the beginning of her fifteen-year cycle of addiction. 

Tracy married at twenty, gave birth to three boys (including twins), and was divorced after a year and a half. Marrying again at twenty-seven, that relationship ended in less than a year. That’s when Tracy decided to get herself together and attended AA and NA meetings. For a year, she white-knuckled her way to sobriety, though she still hadn’t dealt with the underlying hurts which led to substance abuse in the first place. 

After a year, the temptation was so strong, Tracy was ready to trade sobriety for the familiar comfort of alcohol and drugs. That’s when some Christian friends prayed over her. Tracy sensed something break spiritually, and put her trust in Christ. While sobriety continued to be a challenge, she found strength in Jesus, and a reason to live. Still, her lowest point was yet to come. 

When Tracy’s son, Omar, was nine, and her twins, Austin and Evan, were eight, she lost custody of them to their dad, and was utterly devastated. Though she’d been clean nearly two years, and regularly went to church with the boys, her addictive history outweighed the recent changes in the judge’s eyes. “I had fervently prayed that God would grant me custody of the boys by court order so we could continue to grow together in our newfound relationship with Jesus. At thirty years of age, I thought I was too old to make up for all my mistakes. I had fallen too far. I had destroyed too much. My heart felt like it was broken beyond repair,” she sadly remembers.  

THE WAY OUT

Though losing custody of her beloved boys was the lowest time in her life emotionally, Tracy had already made the choices which eventually would take her from despair to hope. She emphasizes that true freedom is a journey, not a destination, and identifies the process she used to deal with underlying hurt and patterns of dysfunction.

1. Stop the blame game and dig deep within yourself.  For Tracy, this meant admitting she was an alcoholic and drug addict.
2. Learn to recognize truth from lies. Tracy reminds us that Satan lies all the time to try to destroy us, and admits that she also lied to herself, through denial and codependency. 
3. Choose hope and help. Tracy started attending AA and NA meetings, and when she came to faith, attending church. 
4. Accept who you were created to be. Tracy bathed her mind in God’s Word, which reminded her that she was made in His image, and for relationship with Him. 

THE FREEDOM OF FORGIVENESS

With all the ups and down of her life, Tracy says she’s had to extend and receive much forgiveness. “Forgiveness is one step on the pathway of freedom within the healing journey,” she says. “It also demands an understanding that rebuilding trust with those who have offended us and those whom we have offended can be painful and requires time to achieve. We did not accomplish forgiveness ourselves, and therefore it is not ours to withhold or reject from ourselves or others. Forgiveness comes through the complete and finished work of the cross of Jesus Christ alone.” Tracy adheres to three principles of forgiveness which will challenge wounded feelings, strengthen faith, and set one up for finding freedom.

1. Forgiveness is not optional … if you want to be free. 
2. Forgive now so that a root of bitterness will not grow.
3. Forgive – and keep forgiving – to keep your heart cleansed and healthy.

Tracy also identifies a number of misconceptions about forgiveness that confuse many people, such as: Forgiveness does not excuse or condone what happened to you, it does not leave room for personal vengeance, it does not always mean reconciliation, and forgiveness does not mean a broken relationship will be magically repaired as if nothing ever happened. 

HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

Part of healing from woundedness, Tracy says, is learning how to protect oneself from being hurt, or inflicting hurt on someone else. That often means boundaries are needed between parties. “Once you have forgiven them, it will be necessary for you to put healthy boundaries in place while the healing process continues.” She says there are several important guidelines for boundaries if they’re to work. 

• Make the boundaries clear and specific. Tracy is candid about the struggles she and Darryl had when they first married. He continued to struggle with old sinful patterns, so she was clear that she loved and forgave him, but until he dealt with certain behaviors, there would be changes. For them it meant separate bedrooms, bank accounts, and her refusing to engage in explosive arguments.   
• Stop dwelling on the situation and surrender it to God. Referring to that difficult time, she says, “I stopped obsessing over his behavior and ceased trying to change him. That meant I refrained from cleaning up his messes and left him to answer for himself and face his own consequences.” 
• Move forward with your own life. When things were difficult early on in their marriage, Tracy continued to work on her goals and refused to give in to defeated thinking. “I grew stronger and stronger as I lived my life for Jesus. I focused on the abilities God had given me instead of what I wasn’t receiving from Darryl or from anyone or anything else.”
• Stick to the boundaries you have set.