Garrett

Ellis

When I think of what an awesome treasure I have in the woman I married, it leaves a taste in my mouth that is beyond comparison. The woman that I love is more than just a partner or friend; she is a mirror image of the love that God has for me. He must have been extremely happy with me the day He sent her. I am truly blessed to have her in my life.

Marriage in general is the biggest, singularly most important commitment that a man and woman can make to each other. Contrary to popular belief, it represents two aspects of love: Eros or emotional affection as well as the legal contract that true commitment constitutes. It is not to be taken lightly and when practiced in its fullness, it is the most beautiful state of being that a couple can experience. Believe me, I know.

The sanctity and sacredness of marriage is tied up in the unfathomable love Christ shows man. The most tangible picture we have of this is the love and union between a man and woman. Again, marriage between these two is meant to be a mirror image of the unending adoration and affection that has Christ has for us. I know that my wife loves me because she puts my needs before her own as I do the same for her. This is exactly what Christ does for us all. Although it hurt Him to die, He did it anyway out of love.In

, the Scripture says that

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up.” (KJV)

Love suffers long. Marriage and love is sacred in the eyes of God because it is meant to be a long term, unending union of commitment. And in no way inferior to that thought is the fact that submission, self sacrifice and a modeling of Christ’s love are all aspects of marriage that are absolutely necessary ">(

).

These thoughts sound good in theological theory but are better experienced in day to day practice. I have seen them alive and in action when I’ve fallen short of being the model husband. And through all of those shortcomings, my wife still models Christ’s love. She asks for corrective action but still makes it clear that she is committed to the relationship; one fumble doesn’t constitute divorce because we are committed to that idea of self sacrifice and long term commitment. In our wedding vows, we stated that in the name of the Lord Jesus, we would share our lives with each other, forsaking all others as long as we both shall live. And regardless of character flaws and mistakes, we are committed to doing just that. We have to. Christ does that for us.

In today’s world, the idea that marriage is a legal, emotional union designed to last forever can’t be stressed enough. Divorce rates are skyrocketing and a large number of marriages end in less than 2 years, if not 2 months. But we see in

that the original plan for marriage was for it to be FOREVER. And not only was it not meant to end, but it was meant as a model of the compatibility of a man and a woman, of the responsibility couples have to reproduce godly family units and of the true dedication that real relationships need if they are going to be of any value.

Christ views us as His bride (

). He loves us enough to want to present us to God without a single, solitary blemish ">( ). He views our relationship to Himself as a marriage. Shouldn’t we do the same? Shouldn’t we treat our earthly marriages in the same manner and our heavenly one with even more intensity? Shouldn’t we treat God with the love and respect a redeemed bride would give her groom? The answer to those questions is a resounding yes, we should. Especially because when we do treat them such, we experience the most rewarding, most beautiful, most VALUABLE state of love imaginable. We experience the love of God.

The other day, someone at church asked my wife a rather serious question. They asked her if I was using drugs. While I never have been and never will be a drug user, the question seems to be quite understandable given my current situation. Let me explain why.

I suffer from bouts of serious depression and tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve. When I am not in the right state of mind emotionally, people tend to be able to see it. At the time I am writing this, I am in one of those valley experiences that I have come to know fairly well. To the outsider looking in, I must look pretty haggard and worn down. Fortunately, that concerned church member has prompted me to remember a biblical principle I realize I need to be using right now.

reads “The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me…to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of Joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness…”(NKJV)

In times of heaviness and depression, we have to remember to wear praise like a designer jacket or a good pair of jeans. Christ’s job description in Isaiah tells us that heaviness, depression and times of emotional negativity are spirits that weigh us down. But praise for His infinite blessings and awesome nature is what God wants us to exchange all of these things for, because praise wipes out negativity.

I have had to use this concept in the past and see the need for it now. I’ve let my present dark days block my view of God’s greatness. On days when life’s trials made me not want to get out of the bed, I often had to physically “put on” my praise by forcing myself to remember His goodness, the ways He helped me to overcome in the past and the assurance that He would do the same in the future. I had to remember that He is both the strength of my life and my strength in times of trouble (

and ).

But being an imperfect individual, it is not always easy to do this. Even now, it’s hard to do, because until I actually put on the garment of praise, that spirit of heaviness does its job of weighing me down. It often feels as if I am fighting for my life; fighting to pull off that heaviness that wants to cling to my shoulders. That’s why it’s good to realize that in God’s eyes, the process is an exchange. If I would get past the sadness and the tears, if I would just let it go, if I could pull off the heaviness in order to trade it for something better, giving it completely over to God, He will supply a garment that was designed to for life abundantly.

So as a person learning to dress myself in the goodness of God, to any depressed or hurting person I would say this: the joy of the Lord is your strength (

). In God’s presence, joy is at its fullness ( ). When the darkness around us gets to be too much, we have to remind ourselves of all the light that is God. Wrap yourself in the garment of praise. If we don’t, we’ll walk around defeated for the rest of our lives and the good Lord knows that would be a major waste. I thank Him that He is such a concerned parent, not wanting us to freeze out in the cold, but wanting us to zip up and put on our praise.

My brother used to hate my wife. And when I say hate, I really mean hate. He adored her before we got married; but when we announced our new found faith in God and our engagement, he let it clearly be known how much he disliked her and our decisions. He loudly cursed both of us, and although he came to the wedding, he said absolutely nothing to me the entire time.

Choosing between my brother and the woman God had given me was the hardest, most hurtful thing I had ever been made to do. Here I had two people I loved dearly; the brother I had known and loved all my life and the godly woman who had stolen my heart. The ultimatum to choose one or the other was not an easy task.

After a lot of tears, prayer and anger, I chose my wife. I married her despite the opposition. Although I was confused and hurt, I decided to place my trust in the fact that God was the center of my life and this marriage, and that I was making the right decision, even if that meant losing my brother forever.

The scriptures I depended on during this time were

which talk about Christ’s dividing of mother and daughter, father and son, and of our need to make Him first priority even over family members.

But what really got me was verse 38. After talking about all of this division, it says:

“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (NIV).

Well, in humility, I let the Lord know that I was definitely losing my life (or at least a major part of it) for His sake, and that if He would, I needed His help to find it.

Here’s the testimony: about a year and a half into our marriage and after seeing how whoever this God that we served was prospering my wife and I, my brother came around. He lost all of his hostility and let me know how scared he was, that I had made a rash decision and that it was hard for him to let me go. He even apologized (something my brother does not do), to both me and my wife. Today, they spend more time talking than him and I do. He is constantly telling her how glad he is to have her as a sister-in-law and how she is the best thing that ever happened to me.

This is what can happen when God becomes the radical priority in our lives. I lost time -  a year and a half of a relationship - because I wasn’t willing to compromise my faith or love for my wife. But because of that dedication to Christ, He helped me to “find my life,” giving me the relationship with my brother I desired.

Now every situation may not conclude like this one, but the Word of God says that if we put God and His Kingdom in the forefront of our lives, He will supply all the things we need (

).

Wow. Losing a life in order to find one. Putting Christ first in order to gain the righteous desires of my heart. Amazing concept. How do I know it works? Because I can now keep my faith, my wife and still give my brother a call.

 

Because we serve a risen Savior who cannot be seen visually at this moment in time, the Lord uses Christians as conduits to show Himself to this world. The adage, “we may often be the only Jesus that a fallen world may ever see,” is completely true. God wants to heal, encourage, save and comfort non-believers through His Son Jesus being indwelt (living) in us.

That is why it is important for us to be conscious of what we say and do. As leaders, ministers and believers, we have to be aware that this world is constantly watching us, studying us even, in order to see if the Jesus we preach is real, not only in His own right, but in our lives as well.

Ecclesiastes 10:1 Close Ecclesiastes 10:1 As dead flies cause even a bottle of perfume to stink,  so a little foolishness spoils great wisdom and honor. OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nlt)

says this: “Dead flies putrefy the perfumers ointment, and cause it to give off a foul odor; So does a little folly to one respected for wisdom and honor.” (NKJV)

As young parents, with first one and then two small children, my wife and I spent Saturday mornings cleaning the house from top to bottom. Outside of work and parenthood, this was the only time we had to freshen the house and put in some elbow grease. But we learned early on not to make this mistake: cleaning the bathroom with all types of nice smelling, fresh cleaning supplies and then put a dirty diaper into the bathroom wastebasket.

Putting that soiled diaper into the basket in the midst of a clean bathroom defeated all of the fresh smells in the room and infected it with bacteria. It was like we hadn’t cleaned anything. Our walk in Christ as we live in this world is the same. He is the perfumer and our tendencies to act out of unrighteousness makes the aroma of Christ escape the noses of those who need Him most. Just like not placing that diaper in the outside trash may have been a very small, innocent mistake, we can make small, innocent mistakes that affect how people view Christ. Not treating people with Grace, not viewing them as people God loves, being legalistic; these things among others can really damage a person’s view of God. Regardless of whether we know it or not, the more we honestly live by God’s word, the more we are looked at as having some measure of wisdom. We need to be mindful of this.

Also, it is not always how we live in front of non-believers damaging their view of Christ; it can also be what we do to our brothers and sisters who are already a part of His body. Lying to one another, being greedy for what our brother or sister has, being reckless with each others feelings, not being consistent in our worship; the non-believer sees our actions and may think that the God we serve acts the same way. We can injure God’s reputation by exhibiting our own fleshly foolishness. We should always be cognizant of the fact that they will know us and know God by the love we show one another (

).

Now, I don’t want it said that I am trying to promote legalism. We all know that none of us, believers included, are perfect. We are going to make mistakes until the day that Christ returns. But, when mistakes happen, we must apologize to believers and non-believers alike for our faults; pray, repent and ask God how we should rectify the situation if possible and how He can get the ultimate glory out of the circumstances. We have to be humble, always ready for reconciliation and transparent enough to let someone know that even though we are imperfect, God is perfect and doesn’t act the way we sometimes act.

The main point: represent God well, as best as we can. Try our best to prove to others by the repentant lifestyle we live and by the care we devote to loving others that God is real; that He loves the world and that a decision to grow in relationship with Him is the most important decision one can ever make.

In the midst of our imperfection, we should always be trying to improve our character. And when a fly does show up in our perfume, the God- inspired aroma we give off, remove it with grace and humility and then move forward. We never know if our actions will help someone to meet Christ face-to-face when He returns.

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CBN.com There was a time when I thought that my marriage would not last forever. After years of investment, my wife and I considered separation because of an addiction I had to sexual sin. And not only was I locked into a bondage that caused me to commit adultery, it was with members of my own gender.

This life of sin was so binding that after a lot of self-evaluation, I came to the conclusion that as my spouse, she did not deserve the pain and humiliation that I was causing her. So, after not being able to suppress my conscience, I told her about the current act I had committed and that because I loved her and wanted to see her happy, I wanted her to move on and build a life for herself where she did not have to be subject to this kind of hurt.

I was going to leave until I could get my life under control and if God was merciful, she would be willing and free to reconcile. It was at this point that I learned that Grace is more than unmerited favor. It is a demonstration of God’s love even when we Hs children, act extremely unlovable.

In the book of Romans Paul wrote these words:

For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly…But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (

Romans 5:6-8 Close Romans 5:6-8 When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nlt)

)

With my wife’s next words, she demonstrated to me the depth and reality of God’s love. She told me that even though she was in pain, even though logic was telling her to leave me for good, she loved me enough to bear the pain, maintain our marriage and see me come to the freedom that God would grant to me if I continued to seek Him. She told me that she loved God, she loved me, and that that love would keep her here as long as I was willing to try.

I was floored. Never before, even in my Christian walk, had I known such a selfless love. She was willing to endure the pain of knowing that her husband had an addiction that he could not control and that until God was able to penetrate his heart, his will and his sin, there was the chance that she may be hurt again. And she still wanted to stay. For God, for me and for our marriage.            

This is the nature of God. Even though we are ungodly, depraved sinners at best, He loves us enough to put up with us in the condition we are in. He knows that all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags (

) and without His Son’s blood paying the price for our sin, we are lost.

Everyone on earth has sinned. Not only does the Bible say so, but every one of us knows that if we would honestly evaluate ourselves, we all have been disobedient to God. No matter how hard we may try to be and do good, we can’t because our sin nature is in opposition to God’s plan for our lives.

Whether or not it is sexual sin, we all have something that if left unchecked, will build a wall up between God and us, thus, breaking fellowship and hindering our relationship.

We must accept the fact that without the God of the universe taking complete control of our lives and hopefully granting us pardon for our wayward ways, we will fail at being righteous in our own power, every time.

Fortunately, His Son’s blood and His Son’s pain covers our sins and makes the way for Grace to abound. Today, I am still married and free from sin and addiction, because of God’s Grace.

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