Dr. Laura Says: Stop the Whining!
CBN.com Dr. Laura Schlessinger agrees that there are things worth whining about. A certain amount of whining allows for some venting of reasonable pain, disappointment, fear, frustration, or frank rage. However, staying stuck in whining mode can become a life-long problem. This is where Dr. Laura steps in with Stop Whining, Start Living to help folks conquer the temptation to retreat from living life to the fullest.
As she reveals in her introduction, "No matter what you've suffered or continue to suffer, while you are alive you have the opportunity to get something from this life, and I'm going to do my best to help you with that. I know of what I speak, as this has been my torturous journey also."
Building on the principles developed during her long career as a licensed marriage and family therapist, and addressing the chronic struggles of so many of her listeners and readers, Dr. Laura issues an important message: If you don't like your life, quit talking about your unhappiness and try to fix it, no matter how difficult or impossible your situation seems.
While it is healthy to vent occasionally, endless rumination on the negative only keeps you paralyzed in misery, reinforces hopelessness, and demoralizes those around you who feel helpless to bring any happiness into your life. Instead, Stop Whining, Start Living encourages "whiners" to reject negative thoughts, emotions, and attitudes, shift perspective, open up to gratitude and goodness, and embrace obligations to loved ones and the world in general. Before long, just doing what you're supposed to be doing, instead of moaning about why you can't or won't or shouldn't fulfill your responsibilities will have you feeling better about yourself and will uplift your interactions with family, friends, colleagues, and even complete strangers in incredible ways.
GOOD AND BAD WHINING
Discussing problems as a means of finding a deeper understanding or solution is exceptionally healthy. Perpetual rumination is only destructive. Over talking about problems enforces the focus on the negative aspects of the problem(s) and deepens feelings of anxiety, depression, and hopelessness.
In other words, there is effective complaining and ineffective complaining. Ineffective complaining has an intent other than solving the problem. This type of complaining is to get other people to feel sorry for you, take care of you or cut you slack – in other words, get babied because that just feels so good. Whining in this case may give some degree of comfort, but it loses you respect.
A certain amount of whining is okay. It is a normal human reaction to vent. Dr. Laura allows herself 2-3 days, a maximum four days to whine about something. Giving yourself a time limit for whining can be helpful. Why you are whining is the real issue. Whining can be an impassioned cry to God or we are only reacting to events that happen to us in life. If we are only focusing on the issues we are dealing with in life, that is not healthy.
It is important to get a plan to remedy a situation. Whining is an alert that something is wrong. If the whining persists, it is time to do something about it. If one is destructive, it is not good. It is important to clearly communicate to others if you are in pain, so you don't take your pain out on them. Also, you need to be careful what you share and who you share with. It is good to talk to a neutral, trusted person. Be careful when sharing delicate things with family members or those closest to you, because some things that you say can't be taken back. When people get angry, things can be exaggerated. It is hard to be careful when you're whining.
CHANGE IN PERSPECTIVE
Perspective about how people see things is very important. Sometimes people will see the manure before they see the grass. Self-defense is a reflex. Purpose is the best antidote to despair. What do you do for someone else? It is good to be needed by someone. No matter how hurt or angry you are, it is good to feel needed. For Dr. Laura, there is no such thing as being depressed and on the air, she won't let a bad day keep her from doing her radio show. When you are in a bad mood, it is good to do something, like a hobby or listen to music. Dr. Laura turns on oldies music and does hobbies.
"This generation has an entitlement mentality. People no longer do things to find fulfillment in morality in Jesus alone. People need to be reformatted, although repetitive things are difficult. We need to ask ourselves if we are going to focus on the negative or the positive. The brain goes back and forth between the two. It is a person's choice where he or she will stay. Your day is only as perfect as your attitude," she says.
When Dr. Laura has a bad day she counts her blessings. She reminds herself that she is healthy, alive, has a good job, etc. We must remember that hardship is a fact of life and we must decide how we will handle it.
TURNING POINTS
Dr. Laura says people will stop whining when any of the following four points happens:
* They'll get tired of being unhappy.
* The shock of recognition – when they are faced with problems just like theirs and see the reality of it.
* They hear it from others – people will tell them that they're sick of hearing them whine.
* When they realize that they are whining because they don't know what to do in the situation – they will realize that there are some things they can't change and they will learn to stop fighting it and find acceptance.
DR. LAURA’S MISSION
With a career in radio that spans 32 years, Dr. Laura says as a role model she takes her responsibilities very seriously.
“When you take on a role and breach it, you turn so many people off,” says Dr. Laura.
Her radio program, “The Dr. Laura Schlessinger Program,” is internationally syndicated and can be heard everyday on XM Satellite Radio on hundreds of stations and the Armed Forces Network. The program is also stream-linked and podcast on her Web site.
In print, Dr. Laura is the author of several New York Times best-sellers: Bad Childhood, Good Life (2006), Woman Power (2004), The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands (2004), Ten Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships (2002), Parenthood by Proxy: Don’t Have Them if You Won’t Raise Them (2000), The Ten Commandments: The Significance of God’s Laws in Everyday Life (1998), How Could You Do That?! The Abdication of Character, Courage and Conscience (1996), Ten Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives (1997), and Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives (1994).
She has also written books for children: But I Waaannt It! (2000), Why Do You Love Me? (1999), Growing Up Is Hard (2001), and Where's God? (April 2003).
Dr. Laura has appeared on the following TV programs: The 700 Club, The Oprah Winfrey Show, A&E Biography, Larry King Live, 20/20, The Today Show, Hannity & Colmes, CBS This Morning, 48 Hours, Dateline, among others.
She has also been featured in Time, US News and World Report, People, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, The Wall Street Journal and others.
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