Bible Heroine Ruth is Like a Modern Military Spouse

RUTH, THE MODERN MILITARY SPOUSE
     One early morning some years ago, Jessica was enjoying some quiet time before the kids woke.  She was spending time in the Bible, and decided to re-read one of her favorite books, Ruth.  As she pored over the familiar story about Naomi living in a foreign land with her devoted daughter-in-law, Ruth, a new meaning became clear to Jessica for the very first time.  “When I recognized that our journey in this military life was so familiar to Ruth’s and Naomi’s throughout the book, the hair on my arms stood up …”  She’s referring to the severe sacrifice and loneliness both women experienced after their husbands and Naomi’s sons died, and as each lived – at different times - in a land without the support of family and friends.  “Those feelings so achingly matched my own life as a brand-new military spouse that I could feel that weight of loneliness, an unmissed old friend, trying to drown me once again,” Jessica says.  “Military spouses are often told that we knew what we signed up for.  But that’s an under-informed statement.  It doesn’t matter how many seasoned spouses share their experiences with you prior to your own military marriage or what you research to steel yourself for what’s coming – you’ll never know how deeply the military life will impact you until you start wading through it.”     

OLD WOUNDS
     Jessica is no stranger to hurt and loneliness, starting when she was just three years old.  “My early years weren’t picture perfect, despite being surrounded by a loving and very loud Italian family.  Though my mother tried desperately to shield both my sister and me from our father’s battle with alcoholism, there was no escaping it.  I have cloudy memories of those years and of him, but the first one I can recall is visiting him while he was in drug and alcohol rehab,” she shares.  “My second memory of my father was of him fighting with my mother.”  Though Jessica and her sister had many wonderful, loving relatives, including father figures, there’s no none like your own parent.  “I ached for him even though I didn’t really know him.  It would take me years to work through the issues his absence created in me.”  Their relationship was up and down, and actually quite good when he remained sober for a number of years in her early twenties.  In the fall of 2022, her father died of cancer, but she had the chance beforehand to speak to him, tell him she loved him, and express forgiveness for all the hurt he had caused her.  
     Another significant source of hurt and loneliness for Jessica came when she was a young military wife in her early twenties.  “When my husband, Scott, was deployed and had to leave me in a strange city where I knew no one and had no support, I was so lonely it manifested into quite obvious physical symptoms of distress.  I couldn’t eat without feeling sick, nothing in life gave me pleasure or joy, and I felt endlessly fatigued.  That was loneliness morphing into a clinical episode of depression.”

SURVEYING THE DAMAGE
     As a Licensed Master Social Worker who practices marriage and family therapy, Jessica is well-versed on the detrimental effects of loneliness.  “It was Frieda Fromm-Reichmann who first began considering loneliness as a mental health issue back in 1959.  She described loneliness as overwhelmingly painful, disintegrative, and paralyzing,” Jessica cites.  “Loneliness is a feeling and state of being that slowly eats away at us internally until it manifests physically.  It is a powerful feeling.”  She goes one to state that there are different types of loneliness:

•    Situational – relating to interpersonal conflicts, disasters, or moving to a new place.
•    Emotional – relating to lost connections with close friends due to broken relationships or moving.
•    Social – having no sense of belonging or feeling valued.  “As creatures of God who were intended to thrive in families, groups, or communities, missing support and connection socially is perhaps the most harmful.  
     “Experiencing any of these three forms of loneliness can bring about depression, feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and physical symptoms such a reduced appetite and inability to sleep.  While all this is occurring, our brains are shooting off stress hormones like cortisol, which is shortening our lifespan and making us physically ill.  Academic studies have even identified loneliness as a predictor of suicidal ideation and eventual attempts.  When I say loneliness can be deadly, I mean it.”  

WHAT’S THE SOLUTION?
     Jessica returns to the book of Ruth for help and hope in dealing with loneliness.  She says it’s found in the lovingkindness of God, shown through people, reminding us that He is always with us.  “God used a pagan woman with no blood ties to Naomi in order to restore her faith in Him, love her, and show the true meaning of lovingkindness.  Despite your internal ache of loneliness, you are never alone.  God is always with you, ready to bring you through your despair.”  
     Jessica also points to other Scripture passages:  

Peter 5:10 – And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.  “God is with you, friend,” Jessica assures others.  

Matthew 28:20, Behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.

Romans 5:1-5, Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,  through whom we also have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we celebrate in hope of the glory of God.  And not only this, but we also celebrate in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

COMMUNITY MATTERS
     Much has been spoken and written about the effects of the Covid pandemic on mental health.  Jessica adds her two cents: “We don’t realize how much ordinary interaction with people in restaurants, grocery stores, church, or just out and about impacts our overall mental health and day-to-day well-being.  When every sense of community was stripped from me, I felt it.  Deeply.”  And she offers this advice: “If you are starting to feel unattached or disconnected, reach out to your neighbors, talk to your local businesses or church, and find your community.  Wherever they are.  Life wasn’t meant to be lived alone, and when you are struggling or experiencing a lonely season, there are people just waiting to step in and help carry you through it, just as God planned all along.”