Overcoming Grief: God's Power in Your Life

Do you feel overwhelmed by grief and sorrow? Perhaps a loved one has died, or your spouse has left you, or you are dealing with some sort of trauma. No matter how deep your pain, God can help you find comfort and hope.

THE FACTS ON GRIEF

Understanding the nature of grief can help us better cope with loss. Grief is a natural, healthy process that enables us to recover from terrible emotional wounds. People may say, “Don’t cry; your loved one is in heaven.” That may be true, but it’s important to deal with the very real pain of loss. We should not feel guilty for grieving because it is a necessary part of God’s pathway to healing.

THIS JOURNEY THROUGH GRIEF HAS FOUR PHASES:

SHOCK: In the days and weeks immediately following a devastating loss, common feelings include numbness and unreality, like being trapped in a very bad dream.

REALITY: As the fact of the loss takes hold, deep sorrow sets in, accompanied by weeping and other forms of emotional release.

REACTION: Anger, brought on by feelings of abandonment and helplessness, may be directed toward family, friends, doctors, the one who died or deserted us, or even God.

RECOVERY: Finally, there is a gradual, almost imperceptible return to normalcy. This is a time of adjustment to the new circumstances in life.

These phases vary in duration for each person, so we should not impose a timetable upon anyone. Some people need a year or two, while others may take less time. Rushing the process can actually hinder our long-term recovery, like removing a cast before the bone is strong enough to bear weight. Grief that is left unresolved may trigger depression, alcoholism, drug abuse, or other serious problems.

GOD’S VIEWPOINT

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4CloseEcclesiastes 3:1-4 There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven-- A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance. OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nasb) says, "There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance" (NASB).

Many Bible stories demonstrate how God comforts His people in times of sorrow and loss. Job clung desperately to God, despite catastrophic loss and unhelpful friends. David, a man after God’s own heart, openly grieved the death of his son.

Jesus is our best role model for combining faith and grief, as revealed in John 11:1-45CloseJohn 11:1-45 Now a certain man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. It was the Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment, and wiped His feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick. So the sisters sent word to Him, saying, “Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick.” But when Jesus heard this, He said, “This sickness is not to end in death, but for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified by it.” Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He heard that he was sick, He then stayed two days longer in the place where He was. Then after this He *said to the disciples, “Let us go to Judea again.” The disciples *said to Him, “Rabbi, the Jews were just now seeking to stone You, and are You going there again?” Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. “But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.” This He said, and after that He *said to them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I go, so that I may awaken him out of sleep.” The disciples then said to Him, “Lord, if he has fallen asleep, he will recover.” Now Jesus had spoken of his death, but they thought that He was speaking of literal sleep. So Jesus then said to them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, and I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, so that you may believe; but let us go to him.” Therefore Thomas, who is called Didymus, said to his fellow disciples, “Let us also go, so that we may die with Him.” So when Jesus came, He found that he had already been in the tomb four days. Now Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles off; and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary, to console them concerning their brother. Martha therefore, when she heard that Jesus was coming, went to meet Him, but Mary stayed at the house. Martha then said to Jesus, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died. “Even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You.” Jesus *said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha *said to Him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” She *said to Him, “Yes, Lord; I have believed that You are the Christ, the Son of God, even He who comes into the world.” When she had said this, she went away and called Mary her sister, saying secretly, “The Teacher is here and is calling for you.” And when she heard it, she *got up quickly and was coming to Him. Now Jesus had not yet come into the village, but was still in the place where Martha met Him. Then the Jews who were with her in the house, and consoling her, when they saw that Mary got up quickly and went out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there. Therefore, when Mary came where Jesus was, she saw Him, and fell at His feet, saying to Him, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and was troubled, and said, “Where have you laid him?” They *said to Him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews were saying, “See how He loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not this man, who opened the eyes of the blind man, have kept this man also from dying?” So Jesus, again being deeply moved within, *came to the tomb. Now it was a cave, and a stone was lying against it. Jesus *said, “Remove the stone.” Martha, the sister of the deceased, *said to Him, “Lord, by this time there will be a stench, for he has been dead four days.” Jesus *said to her, “Did I not say to you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” So they removed the stone. Then Jesus raised His eyes, and said, “Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. “I knew that You always hear Me; but because of the people standing around I said it, so that they may believe that You sent Me.” When He had said these things, He cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come forth.” The man who had died came forth, bound hand and foot with wrappings, and his face was wrapped around with a cloth. Jesus *said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.” Therefore many of the Jews who came to Mary, and saw what He had done, believed in Him. OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nasb) . When He saw Mary and Martha in anguish over the death of their brother Lazarus, He wept and groaned. Although Jesus knew He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, He still allowed Himself to feel—and express—the depths of human sorrow.

We can take comfort in knowing that Jesus has experienced all of our pain, including loss, rejection, betrayal and dying. As our Savior and Redeemer, He took all our sins to the cross and forgives us when we ask. As our Good Shepherd, He leads us safely through "the valley of the shadow of death" (Psalms 23:4ClosePsalms 23:4 Even though I walk through the 1 valley of the shadow of death, I fear no 2 evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nasb) ).

Remember, a shadow indicates that there is a light on the other side! Deep faith in Christ does not prevent grief when a believer dies, but it infuses grief with hope! For Christians, death is a passageway to eternal life (John 5:24CloseJohn 5:24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life. OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nasb) ). Paul said, "To live is Christ and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21ClosePhilippians 1:21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nasb) ). He also said, "We do not want you to be uninformed ... about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14Close1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nasb) ).

If we don’t know whether our loved one believed in Jesus, we must simply trust God. The Bible says, "The Lord ... is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance" (2 Peter 3:9Close2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance. OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nasb) ).

The thief on the cross turned to Christ in the last hours of life (Luke 23:39-43CloseLuke 23:39-43 One of the criminals who were hanged there was hurling abuse at Him, saying, “Are You not the Christ? Save Yourself and us!” But the other answered, and rebuking him said, “Do you not even fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? “And we indeed are suffering justly, for we are receiving what we deserve for our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong.” And he was saying, “Jesus, remember me when You come in Your kingdom!” And He said to him, “Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise.” OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nasb) ). We do not know what happens in a person’s final moments between life and death, but God does—and He decides who enters His heaven.

The Holy Spirit—also called the Comforter—can give us God’s peace, even in the midst of suffering.Philippians 4:6-7ClosePhilippians 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nasb) tells us, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

The peace of God does not come from our circumstances, but from drawing close to Him. Jesus promised, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted ” (Matthew 5:4CloseMatthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nasb) ).

God beckons us into His loving arms so He can heal our wounded hearts.

MANAGING GRIEF

One of the most difficult tasks for a bereaved person is adjusting to the new environment without the loved one who has died or moved away. When is it appropriate to put away a loved one’s things, make lifestyle changes, or form new relationships? We will find the answers as time passes and recovery progresses. God will show us His timing and His direction as we seek Him.

HERE ARE THREE STEPS TO RECOVERY:

GRIEVE: Though grief is bitter, we must let sorrow run its natural course.Isaiah 53:3CloseIsaiah 53:3 He was despised and forsaken of men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; And like one from whom men hide their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nasb) describes Jesus as a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. Denying or repressing pain can lead to emotional problems.

BELIEVE: We need to put our faith in God’s promises, trusting that our heavenly Father knows best and that His understanding is perfect.Isaiah 55:9CloseIsaiah 55:9 “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts. OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nasb) says, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

RECEIVE: God desires to give us comfort, but we must reach out and accept it. Through prayer and meditation on His Word, we can find a place in God’s presence where He will wrap His arms around us.

HELPING OTHERS THROUGH GRIEF

The Bible says, "Blessed be the God ... of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God" (2 Corinthians 1:3-4Close2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nasb) ).

A silver lining in sorrow’s dark cloud is that God can use our experiences to reach out to others with compassion and comfort.

Everyone grieves differently—depending on personality, religious beliefs, maturity, emotional stability, and cultural traditions. Here are some general counseling guidelines:

• Ask God for guidance about when to speak and what to say. Encourage the bereaved person to share his or her feelings, then be a good listener and don’t judge what is said.Romans 12:15CloseRomans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nasb) says, Weep with those who weep.
• Avoid platitudes. Let the person feel sorrow without implying that he or she should “cheer up” or “be joyful in the Lord,” as this could give the impression you are questioning the person’s spirituality.
• Don’t push or preach, but if the person indicates an openness, pray and share meaningful Scripture verses.
• Do simple things without being asked, such as bringing a meal or mowing the lawn.

Grief will visit our lives many times because we love others, but the Lord promises to be with us forever, even in the midst of our darkest hours. God bless you.

Scripture is quoted from the NASB.