The Key To Eliminating Anxiety

THE UNTHINKABLE

On February 21, 2021, Megan’s husband of ten years, Randy, died of a heart attack at age thirty-six. Suddenly, she became a young widow with two small children (ages 2 and 5 years old). A few months after his death, Megan noticed she took pride in not needing anything or anyone. To make repairs around the house, she watched a few YouTube videos and took pride in the fact that she was able to fix her cabinets, change her windshield wipers, and fix her sprinkler. Like many other widows, she did not want to be dependent on others. Megan says, “Humanity at large has similar tendencies.”

JOURNEYING WITH GOD

Independence is a virtue that is often praised in our culture but can be a hindrance in the Christian faith. “Autonomy (self-reliant) is the tendency to live our lives, even our faith, trusting in ourselves alone,” shares Megan. Whereas faith is nothing more than dependence on God. She says, “It is acknowledging that God is God, and we are not, and that we need Him for absolutely everything. It is relying on God for what we are tempted to rely on ourselves for. The struggle of dependence is not a matter of who is in control, for God is the one truly in control. It’s about what kind of relationship we want to have with the one who is in control, a choice between a competing or submitting relationship.”

Over the past few years, Megan has been traveling and teaching while raising her sons. She has also been grieving the loss of her best friend and partner. Yet even in the midst of her grief she has found gratitude (longing for God like she has never longed for Him before). Her pain has allowed her to relate to the pain of others. Her first sermon after Randy died was difficult to say the least. Her message was on trials. After she ended the sermon, she felt self-conscious, empty, and held her breath. The lead pastor walked towards her still on stage and said, “You’ve going to be moving from being really impressive to really impactful because pain is relatable.”

Trials are inevitable so keep your eyes on Jesus and reach out for Him in the pain. “This journey (grief) is not solitary; it’s a shared experience within a community of believers.”

IMPOSSIBLE MATH

A week after Randy’s death, Megan was talking with her friends about how after ten years of marriage, they were really starting to live into the truth of two becoming one. Then the unthinkable happened. Megan recalls saying to her friends, “I was finally beginning to understand the crazy math of marriage two becoming one. But what happens when one loses one?” A year later her friend addressed the question Megan proposed. She said, “Megan, I’ve watched you over the past year, and it seems as though half of you is in heaven.” Just as Megan and Randy became one on their wedding day, the same is true of our faith and trust in God as well. “The journey God is taking us on in our relationship with Him is intended to develop our oneness with Him as we rely on His guidance and faithfulness,” reveals Megan. Over the years in their marriage, Megan got to know Randy better, but she also got to know herself more. The same is true in our relationship with God. We are not meant to journey this life without God. Instead, we are to trust His sovereignty more and our autonomy less.

HOW TO WALK WITH GOD

Just like Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” (ESV) Using these scriptures as a guide, Megan reminds you how to walk with God in your everyday routines:

• Trust in the Lord (with all your heart) – God is in control, relieving you of the burden of trying to be. Our job is to be open to His ways. Don’t try to hide anything from Him. Go to God with everything, even your anxiety. You don’t have to ignore your worries, instead speak to Him about your concerns and the way you don’t trust Him. Be truthful. He will grow you and transform you when you open up to Him. This is a process, and it requires vulnerability and time spent with Him.
• Lean not (on your own understanding) - Don’t rely on yourself. Instead, acknowledge God everywhere and He will align your desires with His. In different seasons of life, Megan equated the health of her spiritual life with how good she was at spiritual disciplines (praying, reading the Bible, and serving others). Although the disciplines are a conduit, the transformation within you is a matter of grace, not your work. Another example Megan shares from her personal life is a wandering mind in prayer. “I used to think a wandering mind was a distraction from prayer. The problem was I didn’t know my wandering mind was a gift. It brings my mind to the topics that already have my heart, the very things God is interested in talking to me about because they are most interesting to me,” reveals Megan.
• Submit to Him – Grief is one of the ways that can be submitted to God. For the first two weeks after Randy’s death, Megan didn’t pray with words, “My heart couldn’t speak a coherent sentence. I trusted that the Holy Spirit was praying for me with groans.” She believes her grief has drawn her closer to God and she has gained two superpowers: (1) she now knows she can’t do this life alone and (2) she cares a whole lot about the things that really matter and is finally beginning to care a whole lot less about all those things that really don’t.
• He will make your paths straight – God will guide you and align your desires with His. All you have to do is open your heart to Him and trust that He is there. For example, Randy and Megan used to live downtown and walk everywhere. Randy would always remind his son to hold his hand tightly over every alleyway. The truth is even if his son forgot to hold his hand tightly, Randy was already holding his hand.

For more information on Megan Fate Marshman click the Link! 

To purchase her book Relaxed click the Link! 

CREDITS

Author, Relaxed, (Zondervan Books, 2024); Teaching pastor at Willow Creek Community Church; Director of women’s ministries at Hume Lake Christian Camps; Women’s pastor at Arbor Road Church; Received a B.S. degree in communication studies from Westmont College; Pursuing Doctorate of Ministry from Biola University; Two sons, Foster and Jedidiah