Shaunti Feldhahn is a ground-breaking social researcher, best selling author, and popular speaker – but a wife and mom first. After receiving a graduate degree from Harvard, and working on Capitol Hill and Wall Street, Shaunti now uses her analytical skill to investigate the most important surprises about the most important people in our lives. She focuses on digging out the little changes that will make the biggest difference in our lives, relationships, families, and workplace relationships.
Because each of Shaunti’s books is based on a multi-year, nationally-representative research study, they have become staples for both personal and professional relationships around the world, as well as for the therapists and clergy, corporate coaches and HR departments that serve families and organizations.
Not long ago, I tried on a pair of jeans at a consignment store that didn’t look so great in the shadowy dressing-room mirror. I was taking them back to the rack when I saw a newer mirror in the main room outside, and decided to take a quick second look. Score! The jeans looked completely different once I looked in a better mirror. The mirrors in the dressing room were older and darker, giving a distorted reflection that almost fooled me.
We’ve all looked at ourselves in distorted mirrors. What we may not realize, though, is that we often see everyday life—especially our challenging circumstances—through a similarly distorted lens. Oh, if only such-and-such was different, I’d feel better, is a common refrain. If only my husband realized what I have to deal with every day is another. The view through that lens makes us discontented and tempts us to grumble. We try to change our discontentment by changing what we think has led to it. We try to amass more money to get out of that tiny apartment. We try to change how our kids appear to the outside world. We try to force our spouse to do things our way (“The right way!”).
The result? Exhaustion. Leading right back to disappointment and discontent.
Or perhaps instead we just grumble a bit about the inconvenience or injustice of the situation. Once those emotions start taking root in our hearts, they often leak out onto our classmates, kids, spouse, coworkers, or friends.
The result? Yet again, exhaustion. Further discontent.
No matter what is going on, we can set aside our “right” to be discontented. Instead, we can take God’s challenge to find contentment in every situation. Instead of looking through the lens that shows the most unflattering perspective, let’s choose the one that changes everything. That lens is called gratitude. Gratitude for everything God has allowed us to have that is good (that we might not be focusing on right now) and gratitude that He is sufficient. Not just sufficient to get us through what is difficult—and bear up both us and the scowl on our face—but sufficient to get us through difficult times with a joyful heart!
Try practicing gratitude today. The facts of the situation won’t change, but your perspective on them will. You may not be able to control your circumstances, but every day you do have control over how you view them.
Questions to Consider:
Every season of life has its challenges. What can you be grateful for in the challenge that you are going through right now? How can you maintain that perspective over time?
Used with permission of iDisciple Publishers from the book FIND REST by Shaunti Feldhahn.
It gets me every time—my eyes well up as I watch the video of Olympic sprinter Derek Redmond, who massively injured his hamstring midway through his race in the 1992 Barcelona games. He started hopping toward the finish line, his pain palpable as he boldly tried to finish the race, even though he had no hope of winning a medal. Even more touching is what Redmond’s father did next. Jim Redmond leapt out of the stands and shook off security guards as he ran to help his son reach his goal. The picture of a father holding up his son as he wept in pain and disappointment makes it one of the most inspiring moments in Olympic history. It’s such a clear visual of the raw, messy, beautiful lengths to which we go to serve and love someone we care about.
We like to identify with the father in that story because we can probably imagine doing something similar for someone we love. But if we’re honest, there are times in our busy, stressful lives when we are more like the injured runner. It sometimes seems as if we cannot take one more step forward without falling on our face. Whether it’s a troubled relationship, a bad diagnosis, our child’s behavioral issues at school, job insecurity ... it all weighs heavy on us, and sometimes it feels like we can’t go on.
Of course, we women like to limp along and pretend we can handle it on our own. We actually do a banner job of it. But you know what? There are people in our lives who want to leap the railing, run to our side, and grab hold of us as we try to reach the finish line. People who would consider it an honor to walk alongside us and be our companions during the difficult parts of our race.
We need to let them grab our arms and help.
Yes, it means being vulnerable. It means the secret will be out that we cannot handle everything on our own. It feels risky, even embarrassing, to ask for help. But the beauty of allowing someone to help us as we limp toward the finish line brings tears to the eyes—a display of love (both in the giving and the receiving) that reminds us that we are never, ever alone.
Question to Consider:
Have you ever come alongside someone as they struggled? Think about how honored you felt to help them. Now think about someone who has offered to help you. Pray for God’s help to set aside your pride and allow them to take hold of your arms and help you across the finish line today.
Used with permission of iDisciple Publishers from the book FIND REST by Shaunti Feldhahn.
