Robert L Segress, Ph.D., Th.M., served as a college professor (full-time and part-time) and psychotherapist for 25 years. He was the Director of Psychological Services of The Riverton General Hospital in Seattle, Washington and is an ordained minister who served as an interim pastor. He wrote The Biblical Approach to Psychology in 1974. After retiring, he became a prison minister at Shelton Prison in Washington State, in which capacity he has served for 15 years.
Later in life, mother’s one remaining eye was going blind.
After a long life of serving Jesus, my mother had been robbed of sight in one eye by a nasty strep infection. Surprisingly, she kept serving the Lord in the jails of Central California as the first female chaplain in Fresno County’s history. Fear often overwhelmed her, but she placed it in Jesus’ hands and pressed on.
Later she lost my father to heart failure and again pressed on. Having become one of the founders of The Valley Mission of Central California, my dear one-eyed mother pressed on and spent hours each day on her knees praying in our small bathroom.
My mother’s prayer life frightened me. A few times I came home from high school just as she would come out from praying and she had a glowing light surrounding her. Living with my mother taught me about the reality of the Holy Spirit’s presence and healing ability.
Years later, this dear handmaiden of the Lord was in danger of going blind in her one remaining eye. She was frightened, primarily because she would no longer be able to read her Bible. My mother could no longer see clearly yet continued to teach me even in this circumstance. She taught me that her soul was not blind but full of light as when she passed on, with my three professional sisters in attendance, the room filled with golden light for several blessed moments. Then, Mom made it safely to her heavenly retirement home and the room became as it was before.
Because of my Mother’s struggle with blindness, I tried to write what she had taught me:
“A woman blind to there being a one true God is a person who trips and falls. She uses walls to hang onto as she tries to make her journey safely. A woman who refuses to look up into the heavens is a nearsighted woman blind to what is coming. This woman is blind from birth and cannot imagine a sunrise. She tries to lift burdens without a Divine fulcrum. Those without faith’s light live a life without God’s power and grace. They are blind and trust nothing more than what they can see.”
You have become blind when what you see as good contradicts what God has said.
Keep looking up and pressing on with your eyes on Jesus’ beautiful face and the things of earth will grow strangely dim.
My wife was angry at God yesterday because a dear friend “Just can’t get a break.”
She was overwhelmed by yet another medical disaster that our tender-hearted sister in the Lord had experienced just that day. The woman was having a reaction to medication that had turned her foot into a dead lifeless looking appendage. My first thought when I saw the picture was her foot was going to have to be cut off.
Our friend is a Godly handmaiden of the Lord and had not forsaken the fear of the Almighty. Yet, after a lifetime of medical issues, now she had this scary reaction. My wife showed her overwhelming worry in a brief anger attack.
I was proud of my wife having an honest tender heart instead of the self-righteous attitudes of Job’s friends. They were quick to assume if a person was allowed by God to suffer it was because they were not righteous enough. And Job called them out about that hard-hearted attitude in today’s reflection verse. A friend is to “show kindness to our friends that are afflicted,” which will demonstrate to them they are not alone during overwhelming times. Then, deep trusting prayer for help can take over and the peace that passes understanding through Christ our Lord can result as we are taught in Philippians 4:6-7
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
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“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (NKJV)
Summarizing Job’s message to God’s children about pain and patience:
The Bible has a lot to say about pain. One of the key lessons found in Job is the Lord God is Sovereign during times of overwhelming trials.
Satan is heartless and mean in pursuit of his goals. Remember the evil one’s schemes, terrorizing, and murder.
Satan often uses self-righteous people when we are at our lowest. Aloof, judgmental people make things worse.
Job overcame and found a better future by holding onto his belief that the Father knows best no matter what happens. This attitude is a trusting heart’s strength and is often necessary to survive overwhelming trials.
The Lord understands when we get angry at Him. He “pities His children as He knows they are dust,” Psalms 103:13-14
The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust.
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. He understands that we are weak and human.
We become stronger through pain or we are crippled by it when we blame the Father. Only our Father knows the big picture and the future. Our Father knows best.
Pain comes to both the righteous and the wicked, permitting opportunities to develop relationships with God Almighty. Pain is not our enemy as it provides a chance to learn and grow.
The New Testament agrees with Job:
Tribulation brings about patience. Romans 5:3.
God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God. Romans 8:28.
God will never leave or forsake you. Hebrews 13:5
“Dear Father God, help us to hold on to You and Your promises during periods of fear, doubt, loneliness, and pain. In Your Son’s name, Amen.”
My wife asked me one day as we were driving, “Have you ever wondered how you are going to die?”
I tried to ignore her as the traffic was nasty, but as usual, once she gets something in her mind she wants an answer, so I mumbled something trying to distract her. You’d think after all these years I’d know that wouldn’t work, but at least it got me a brief reprieve.
When we came to a stop sign she turned her beautiful determined face toward me and said, “Well, have you?”
I stayed quiet as I knew from experience she had something on her mind she wanted to say.
After a few moments, she told me what was on her mind, “I think I’d like to die the way your Dad did. He was reading the paper in their backyard having breakfast under his grapevines and just fell forward with his head on his paper. Your mother had gone in to get him another cup of coffee, but suddenly a white dove bumped into the kitchen window and flapped its wings to get in. Mom was so startled that she went outside to look for the dove and found Dad had died. As she looked up she saw a dove with a broken wing fly away. That brings goosebumps every time I think about Dad’s home going.”
Again, by letting my better half answer her own questions, I’d heard an insightful answer that caused me to reflect on what she was saying.
I remembered how my Dad had been saved after my Mom had prayed for him for 25 years. He was a mean alcoholic who ran a carpenter union as its president. He had nasty habits such as throwing people down the stairs if they made him angry at the union hall. Still, my mother prayed and believed. She wasn’t going to divorce him because she knew someday he would be saved.
One evening while I was home from college, I told Dad, with a bit of fear, that I was afraid he wasn’t going to heaven with Mom, me, and the girls, and we would miss him. His answer surprised me, “If you’re afraid for me Bobbie, let’s go into the bathroom right now and settle this with God.”
We went into our little bathroom and I followed his lead and knelt beside him. Dad then asked the Lord to forgive him and save his soul despite all the evil he had done. As he repented tiny tears rolled down his face. I had a new father. The monster who had run Carpenter Local 701 was born again and Psalm 23 became his treasured prize.
He poured all the expensive crystal decanter liquor that contractors had given him to remain in his good favor down the drain. Yet, he had to conduct business in bars. He started wearing a cross on his tie and drank Coke instead of his preferred Irish Whiskey. For several years, he listened to Vernon Magee teach the Bible during lunch hour out in his car in front of the Union hall, and he even took notes.
I had a new creature father. He still had flaws but was on the potter’s wheel from that day in the bathroom when Mom’s prayers were answered. He experienced “absent from the body is to be present with the Lord” that morning the dove broke his wing and flew away.
My loving wife told me: “Honey, you are cutting yourself off from the Holy Spirit’s comfort and healing hands. Our friends at church miss you and want to hug you and share their love with you."
I thought, “Look at me, I should be by myself.”
Tears came to my eyes because I was different. But, my gentle, tender wife still looked at me through the eyes of love.
I had been home from the hospital for a few weeks after a two-month sequence that included: blood spitting pneumonia, a massive stroke and then extensivepulmonary embolisms in both lungs. Two of my attending physicians told me that I had been given: “a Divine reprieve to a death sentence, enjoy it”; “a miracle”.
I wasn’t doing much enjoying. I felt more like a damaged vegetable and looked like something you wouldn’t take home from the market.
My wife felt I was isolating myself too much as I felt better being alone and just passively watching T.V. Without knowing it, I was falling into one of the devil’s schemes, but my angel wouldn’t give up. She came to me and laid my head on her lap. Then, I felt Jesus’ warm presence as I had in the Valley of Death. I felt Him say: “It is alright my son, I cried too.” As my wife kissed my face, His love filled my broken heart with peace and gratitude.
The story behind this tender moment between my wife, myself and my Lord happened after she had watched me for several weeks after coming home from the hospital.
It is a surprisingly new experience when your heart, lungs, and hearing stop and you discover how quiet things really are without your heart and lung sounds anymore. I discovered a beauty, silence, and peace that I didn’t want to leave.
I’m glad my Shepherd brought me back from the Valley of Death where I went blank. He brought me back so that my dear wife and my children didn’t have to grieve yet. I feel another reason He brought me back is so I can tell His children what it is like to die. In death we are blank and can’t think, pray, quote verses, or move a muscle. We only feel the presence of our Shepherd and that’s enough.
I began to lose my blankness after a few days in the hospital. Miraculously, I’m back to my writing ministry, which is a miracle in itself, as after my stroke I couldn’t put two sentences together. I learned that death is nothing to fear as He has conquered death. “Oh, death where is your sting? O grave where is your victory? (1 Corinthians 15:55
O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?*"
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God’s injured children need different degrees of isolation as a part of recovering from trauma. Whether it be divorce, death, or disease — time to heal is necessary.
However, I learned that isolation that cuts a person off from our Lord’s healing hands is a scheme of the devil. Jesus told His sheep to “Come unto Me you who are burdened and heavy laden and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28
Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
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. We need the Holy Spirit’s healing love that flows through the touch and prayers of God’s children and the words found in the bread of life.
Bring your broken and lonely heart to Jesus and His children and allow them to touch you, as I did. You will find the love and confidence you have lost. Thankfully, pro-active Love imparts the cure to desiring “isolation” and “seeking our own desire.”
It is often said that to forgive one's self is harder than it is to accept God’s forgiveness. But that is not the whole story. We never forget anything without organic damage and living memories can just turn into bad memories — as many prisoners have found.
Some experiences are so traumatizing that for the rest of our lives we have a broken heart every time we remember them, but by God’s grace, we can live with them.
One day, when I was still a prison minister, a Russian man stood up after accepting Jesus as his Savior. As tears streamed down his face he sobbed, “I can’t forget what I’ve done to so many people.” Pictures of terrible things he had violently done to many flooded his mind. Confessing his sins to Jesus had opened a floodgate of pain and pictures of blood.
I helped him the best I could by urging him to put the pain and pictures in the hands of the Lord who died a terrible death on the Cross for all his sins. This calmed him down a bit and his sobbing lessened, but I could tell there was still an ocean of pain straining to be set free.
I then remembered something I had learned during my career as a psychologist. Pain often must be released the way we deal with an onion, by unpeeling layer by layer. Cutting abruptly through an onion will often overcome us by what is released.
I still pray for that prisoner that he has learned to not bury those memories when they come up but admit them and place them each time in his Lord’s loving and forgiving hands while living a Psalm 51 life.
Claim the answer to living with painful memories, don’t bury them or they will continue living inside you. A broken and contrite heart that has an honest and humble spirit brings pleasure to God and strength to a servant; this is part of walking in The Spirit and finding contentment.
Dear Father, please help us to understand that no matter our experiences, the answer to living with painful memories is the same as for prisoners: no matter the crime, one layer at a time. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
I was walking in my backyard among our palm trees on a beautiful sun-filled Arizona morning. Worry had stolen thankfulness from my heart because I didn’t know how to protect my much-loved trees from what I had read about that morning: voracious beetles were eating the famous palm trees of Pasadena.
Even though we live surrounded by farms and agriculture in the northern part of the Phoenix valley; I was worried about our little grove of palm trees. I was lost in concern that those nasty Pasadena beetles might be planning a trip over the mountains from California to Arizona.
Strangely, I began to hear, “Talk to Me.”
I had heard the same words several times last week as I was intently struggling to write monthly articles for publishers I’m committed to. I had begun wondering whether I was having brain issues. Having experienced a massive stroke and two other life-threatening medical problems within the last year, I thought perhaps I had more damage than I was aware of. Then, it dawned on me that maybe the Lord was trying to get my attention, so I started to pray.
I explained my concern and asked Him to take care of my palm trees. I felt at peace and trusted Jesus as I prayed in His name, as John 14:13-14
You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!
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had told me. I felt confident because Jesus had promised that if I would ask Him directly for “anything in His name,” He would do it. Feeling free to ask for protection for my palm trees, I claimed the power of Jesus’ name.
To be honest, I felt a bit childish in talking to Him about such a small concern. But, I’ve discovered that being childlike in Jesus’ presence brings comfort and relaxation.
I came to understand that my Lord wanted me to stop getting lost in intently being concerned about how to change things by myself. Spending a good part of my life isolating from my emotions and how much I needed both Jesus and other’s help has caused the loss of much joy for both myself and my family. Having been raised to never show anyone when you are hurt, or afraid; I had thought my heavenly Father also expected this of me.
My palm trees taught me that I usually didn’t talk to Jesus as a good, trustworthy friend (John 15:14
You are my friends if you do what I command.
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) who was concerned about what was bothering me. I was afraid of bothering Him with small things because He is so important and deals with such important things. My talking about beetles seemed to be a self-centered attitude.
Then, my heart opened in a new way to Jesus —I felt He loved me and wanted to talk to me about everyday life. He wanted to know what was bothering me, even if was beetles. With this understanding came wonderful warmth and relaxation.
I learned that if God’s children will talk to Jesus about what tightens them up and leave it with Him, they will start learning about what prayer really is. We will find a peace and relaxation that nothing in this life provides. Our families will stop missing out on a lot of joy and peace that we forfeit when we don’t talk to Jesus personally about our strain, worries, and fears.
Claiming the power of Jesus’ name during our prayers, we are strong in the trust that Jesus is in charge and will deal with what is bothering us. Talking to Jesus about everyday life is a recipe for satisfaction.
A young mother’s frustration often found release by shouting.
She had good reason for being frustrated as she was living like a single mother with several active and strong-willed children. With her husband always away for work, the children were slow to obey her and she often could not bottle up the pressure. Her loud and terrifying screams were often heard by the neighbors, who were worried about her mental health.
One day, she tried to study the Bible to find some help as she felt she was coming apart at the seams. She began to look up verses about patience. She had always felt she loved her children more than herself but came to see that she wasn’t loving them. She was very shocked by this discovery.
When she read: “Put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience” in Colossians 3:12
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
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, she felt even more pressure and started screaming. This caused her children to go and hide and a neighbor lady friend to come over wondering whether she had finally had a breakdown.
She felt she just couldn’t put on anything more.
The neighbor was a devout praying lady who came to hold her hand and pray with her, letting her know Jesus understood her needs and tenderly loves His lambs when they are overwhelmed. After a few minutes, the pressure seemed to lift as comfort and peace filled her young heart.
Things became clear when the sisters sat down together and the neighbor turned in her Bible to 1 Corinthians 13 and they read together: “Love is patient and kind” and “If I have all faith and knowledge and have not love I am nothing.” She began to understand that if she wasn’t patient and kind, she wasn’t loving her children. Right then and there she gave up on trying to understand how to be a good mother and opened her heart to Jesus and His Spirit. She began to feel the love, forgiveness, and patience that He had given to her was all she needed to share with her children to be a good mother.
She started obeying Jesus who had said: “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28
Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
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) She came with an open heart.
She gave up on having to run everything and chose to relax and love with a patient and kind heart for her home and children. She accepted Proverbs 16:32
Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city.
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“Whosever is slow to anger is better than the mighty;” and, its sister Ecclesiastes 7:9
Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool.
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“Be not quick in your spirit to become angry.” She remembered that perfectionism got the devil kicked out of heaven when he wanted to run things. She didn’t have to be the “big momma” anymore. She decided that she wanted to be a Mary resting at Jesus’ feet and fellowshipping with Him and not a Martha who had to take charge and expect others to do as she said or else. Actually, she felt she had to be a Mary girl first so she could be the right type of Martha girl who ran a well-ordered home that would please both her loving Lord and her hard-working husband.
Frustration is a part of raising children, any mother can testify. The answer to frustration is not bearing down but is coming to the Lord’s comforting and waiting arms.
One Sunday, I was sitting in an easy chair in my back yard watching my fountain’s bubbles pop instead of going to church; I began to feel a bit guilty. Even reminding myself that my wife was sick with serious bronchitis didn’t take the lazy bum feeling away.
I let my mind go as if I was at a resort surrounded by palm trees and the sound of the ocean, and suddenly Paul’s voice seemed to intrude and say: “I learned to be content.” Trying to block out the peaceful musical sounds from my fountain, which were hypnotizing me, I thought: “How did Paul learn to be content?”
Still semi-hypnotized, a memory appeared in my mind and caused me to take a step back in time:
My wife and I were celebrating our anniversary in Mexico. We were staying at the Mayan Palace Resort in Rocky Point, Mexico. We had been blessed by receiving an unexpected upgrade to the Grand Mayan section of the luxurious resort. We were happy campers.
As I stood on our balcony looking down at a miles-long private beach owned by the resort, I was very awed. But, I was also concerned by what I had read in Luke 6:24
"What sorrow awaits you who are rich, for you have your only happiness now.
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(NASB): “But woe to you who are rich, for you are receiving your comfort in full.” As I’ve always been a bit uncomfortable with riches, I wondered if we needed to jump in our car and burn rubber away from the Palace.
When I calmed down, I realized that any verse taken out of context is a pretext. Thinking about the context of Luke 6 made me feel much better. Jesus had said that when we have abundance, we must be on our guard as our life does not consist of our possessions or pleasures. God loves us. Giving is a natural desire for anyone in love. However, gifts can be dangerous.
Then He said to them, “Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions.” Luke 12:15
Then he said, "Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own."
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NASB.
Then, the Holy Spirit answered my question and told me how Paul learned to be content.
Paul first said:
“I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.” Philippians 4:12
I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.
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And then pow! He tells how contentment is possible by saying in the following verse: “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
For I can do everything through Christ,* who gives me strength.
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Paul’s relationship with Jesus put everything into perspective and was satisfying enough to strengthen himinto contentment.
After I told my wife what I’d learned, we held hands and went on a long walk on the beach and picked up shells normally found in seashell shops. The sounds and mist from the waves seem to be a living motion picture we had walked into. We felt our Lord’s warm presence as the three of us walked and enjoyed being together. We were content.
I was very thankful to have been shown what the Holy Spirit taught Paul about contentment. He had said that:
Jesus and contentment are partners. Don’t reject His loving gifts to you; accept them with gratitude and use them humbly. Hold on tothe love in Jesus’ tender hands and this will be a verygood day.
