The Terrifying Night That Brought Her to God

“I just loved it right away. It talked about like worshiping nature and respecting animal spirits. And like it was the first thing where I had this outlet where I could be like dreamy and sensitive and a child.” Alyssa explained. 
 
Alyssa Leone’s journey into new age didn’t start as an adult trying to “find her inner child”. she was 13,  looking for a way out of the nightmare of sexual abuse from a “friendly” neighbor. it had started when she was five.
 
“I'm thinking my only value is sex. I remember just getting depressed. I remember getting anxiety. I- I couldn't rest because even when I did try to sleep, I would have these nightmares of this guy.” She continued. 
 
The nightmare would get worse. Alyssa’s mom not only dismissed her daughter’s claims about the abuse, she married the abuser. They attended catholic mass regularly. Hearing about god’s love rang empty.

"I thought first maybe he doesn't exist. And then I thought, well, if he does exist, he doesn't love me. Like he's not for me. He loves those kids over there that have like a mom, a dad, a house, a normal childhood.” Alyssa reflected. 
 
As a teenager, with her depression and anxiety growing, Alyssa had one question. Why? in her mind, meditation and eastern mysticism, held the answers to peace and understanding. 
 
"And that's the point where I'm like, ding, light bulb moment, I'm on the right track because I always just wanted to know why. Like why did I grow up like that? Why do other people grow up normal? Why? And I felt like karma and reincarnation was my answer to that.” She continued. 
 
By the time she moved out at 18, Alyssa was immersed in new age and witchcraft.
 
“It really makes you believe that you're in control. 'Cause it's this idea that like we're all gods, I'm gonna make my life better, my own way, on my own accord in my own way." Alyssa further explained. 
 
“it felt like a fulfillment of prophecy. I was like, this is where I'm supposed to be. This is what I'm supposed to be doing.”
 
In the coming years, Alyssa would marry and have two children. She continued practicing witchcraft meditating, using healing crystals, and calling on spirits just trying to find peace. After thirteen years she realized it wasn’t coming, and she wanted out.

“I'm getting worse. Like my depression is worse. My anxiety is turning into panic attacks. Nightmares I've always [00:14:30] had are turning into sleep paralysis. And at that point I was like, there is a darkness here and I don't understand it.” She admitted.

At the recommendation of a coworker, Alyssa decided to see a trauma therapist, …who happened to be a christian. When she talked about god’s love, Alyssa still wasn’t buying it.

“I thought to myself, I'm in 'cause I need help. And even though my, the therapist was a Christian, I, in my new age belief system, I believe the Christian God didn't love me, but I thought all paths led to the same source or the same God.” Alyssa further explained.

One night in bed, she had a terrifying episode of sleep paralysis.

“And this time it's different because I'm levitating about four feet out of my body and I can't move. I see my child just being horribly abused and I can't look away. I can't move, I can't do anything. . I'm turned to look to my other side. I see my other child being horribly abused and I can't do anything.” She recalls fearfully. 

It was then Alyssa remembered something her therapist told her to do.
 
“I knew that I needed to call on the name of Jesus. But I'm paralyzed. I can't do anything. So I get out in my head, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. And the second I do two opposing forces meet. And that force that's ripping me out is still there, but suddenly a more powerful yet gentle and loving force meets it and is slowly bringing me back down into my body. when I get back into my body, I can move, I can breathe. And I know two things for certain that changed my life. I know that Jesus is Lord of everything. The next thing I know for certain is the darkness. The demonic bows down to the name of Jesus.” Alyssa confessed. 
 
“in that moment I was like, I've screwed up basically my entire life up to this point. Like, Jesus, I don't know what I'm doing. I know you're Lord of everything. Like take it, like take my life, take my kids, take my like, take whatever you wanna take from me. Like I will drop everything and follow you.” She reflected, 

 
A lifetime of anxiety, depression and nightmares were gone. The next day, Alyssa threw away her crystals, tarot cards, everything associated with the occult.  

Today she and her family are committed, faithful followers of Jesus Christ.
 
“if you're ready to like give up the control, like there's a more peaceful life. Um, Jesus wants to take it over for you, you know, like he wants to heal it. He wants you to give it over to him. And that feels so much better than trying to fix it yourself.” She concluded.