Your Kids Want Rules
Believe it or not, kids want rules. I discovered that strange truth as a twenty-something, teaching seventh and eighth graders in a rural Oregon town.
I can still see skinny Davis asleep at his desk, temple on his forearm, mop of straight brown hair flopping over his face. Everyone at school whispered about the marijuana. He didn’t deny it. He didn’t have to; he was the “cool kid.”
Davis would rouse from his fog to shrug or mumble an “I dunno” whenever I directed a question his way, but he rarely volunteered to participate in class discussions…except for the day I took a vote in class. “Raise your hand if you want rules and you want your parents to enforce them.” I thought maybe one lone student would have the courage to raise his or her hand. Maybe.
Instead, a large majority of the thirteen-year-olds immediately lifted hands indicating they did want discipline, including Davis. It shocked me. Who knew teenagers would admit to something like that in front of peers?
Still, what Davis did next surprised me even more. He sprang to life, pacing and gesturing as he spoke. He wanted rules and resented that his parents wouldn’t discipline him. Oh, his mother would get mad and chase him with a broom occasionally, he said, but he pretty much got away with doing whatever he wanted. He admitted it made him feel as though his parents didn’t care about him.
I consider that day one of the most astonishing of my twelve-year teaching career. I couldn’t believe a teenager, especially the school’s “cool kid,” would share so openly. I always thought kids wanted boundaries and discipline somewhere deep in their psyches, but I had no idea they were aware of it.
Davis knew he wanted rules. But you can bet he never told his parents.
What Parents Can Do
- Boundaries make kids feel loved and secure, so set firm limits.
- Formulate your rules from God’s Word, and let your children know they are his rules. They are responsible to him.
- Explain the purpose for your rules and invite discussion about them. That doesn’t mean you give in. It’s OK if the chat ends with your saying, “I understand your point of view. (Parrot their thoughts back to them here.) But God made me responsible to do what I think is right for you, and as long as you live in my house you still have to abide by my rules.” If they have a good point, change the rule.
- Start early. Once kids reach Davis’s age, they will fight all attempts to guide them, even if it is what they want down deep.
Prayer for Myself
Give me the wisdom to set boundaries and the courage to discipline my children when they cross them.
Pray for my Children
Jesus, give them soft hearts and the willingness to submit to you.
Copyright © 2007 by Jeannie St. John Taylor. Excerpt taken from Culture-Proof Kids: Building Character in Your Children, published by Living Ink Books, AMG Publishers. Used by permission.
About The Author
Jeannie launched her writing career in 1998 with a co-authored children’s book from Multnomah Press that was a finalist for the Gold Medallion Award. Since its release, she has signed contracts with eight publishers, and her writing has appeared in several magazines and short story collections. You can find fourteen books by her – adult-level books on the subject of prayer, children’s picture books, and a youth novel – in bookstores around the world. Three more books are already completed and waiting at the publisher for a 2006 release and she is currently preparing to fulfill another six book contracts.
In 2003 Jeannie’s focus took an unexpected turn when two publishers asked her to illustrate for them. Her first written and illustrated children’s book Am I Praying?, Kregel, August 2003, was a finalist for the 2004 Gold Medallion Award. Kregel featured a miniature golf course based on the book’s characters at the 2004 Christian Booksellers Convention in Atlanta. Jeannie has illustrated eleven books and is currently working on her twelfth.
Early in 2004, a series of brief radio spots on prayer that Jeannie wrote and recorded began airing on an American Family Radio station in Dothan, Alabama.
Gifts she designs for Mt. Baker Trading Company can be found in Christian bookstores and on the Internet. Her Prayer Stones have been reordered several times and all royalties from them go to an orphanage in Mexico.
In February 2006 she wrote and illustrated No Ordinary Woman, a make-you-cry booklet intended to convince women of their incredible value. Because she self-published it to keep costs low, it is available only by contacting her directly.
A professional artist as well as a writer, illustrator, and teacher, Jeannie’s paintings have hung in several galleries in Oregon and even traveled to Texas for a special museum show. Jeannie travels around the states speaking to women’s groups and schools. She also teaches at writers’ conferences and works as a freelance editor -- most recently editing eight books for Kregel and a two fantasy novels for AMG Publishers. In her spare time, she works as a private investigator for Taylor Made Financial Investigations, a company owned by her husband Ray, a retired Federal Criminal Investigator.
Born and raised in the Midwest, Jeannie earned a degree in Elementary Education from Olivet Nazarene University in Illinois, then moved to Oregon to teach art and English in the small town of Yamhill. Jeannie’s education continued in Portland, Oregon with a Masters Degree from Lewis and Clark College as well as an extra year of art credits from Portland Community College and Portland State University. She lives with her husband of twenty-nine years, ten minutes from downtown Portland, Oregon on a five-acre cattle farm surrounded by subdivisions. She and Ray have three grown children.
