Nearing Death, Man Makes Plea for God
January 2018, 40-year-old Matt Hudson lie in a Pasadena, California hospital close to death. The lifelong drug addict had been diagnosed with an incurable disease. “I was really afraid to die at this point. I was really afraid to die,” said Matt. What frightened the self-proclaimed atheist even more was the feeling of being separated from God. Matt said, “And I felt this extreme separation and this extreme loneliness, you know?”
Matt was in high school when he turned from God and church. Although he grew up in a loving, Christian home, he identified more with the secular, atheistic ideas of a popular radio host. “I listened to him every day. Yeah. You know, and that was really the voice in my head,” said Matt. “Yeah. And he would talk about his insecurities and stuff, you know, so we lined up a lot. He doesn't believe in God and stuff like that, you know?”
Having left his faith behind, Matt filled the emptiness with drinking and drugs. He tried college, but when that didn’t pan out he went to work for the family business. For years, despite his growing addiction, Matt managed to function at work and in life. However, after a decade and a half, the drugs had taken over. That left his brother, who now ran the company, with no choice but to let him go. “I was so embarrassed, and I wanted my job back and stuff. And I was really angry at my brother,” said Matt.
Despite the heartache and troubles Matt caused, his family never stopped praying for him, namely his sister, Sarah. “I had to keep believing that God would turn his life around. And I spoke that out, just kept saying, you know, I know who Matt is. I experienced that growing up and we can't give up on him,” said Sarah.
Matt moved into a storage container on his parent’s property his dad had once used as an office. He called it “the bin.” Matt said, “You just keep using and you just stuff it down, stuff it down, stuff it down. But there was so much shame. And I was afraid of, of where I would go if I died, but I still couldn't quit.”
Then, in December 2017, Matt, almost 40, had gone back to the bin after spending time with his family for Christmas. He began to see how he’d wasted his life. “I would have these massive panic attacks. Like, oh my gosh, what am I going to do with my life? How am I ever going to stop?” said Matt. “I got on my knees and I cried out to God and I said, 'God, I give you my life. I’m so sorry. I messed everything up, you know?'”
Even then Matt couldn’t stop using. Two weeks later he started feeling ill. He developed a rash on his arms and legs and breathing became difficult. He went to the ER and was admitted to the hospital where he continued to decline. Doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong. When Matt’s dad came to visit, he was told his son was dying. Matt said, “And I saw the fear. I could see the fear on his face, you know? And he just hugged me and I cried to him. I said, 'Dad, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for messing everything up.'”
Then, Matt developed pneumonia and doctors decided to put him into a coma and on a ventilator. As the family continued to pray, Sarah held on to a word she had received from God. “God is going to rise him up and he's going to go and share his testimony and he's going to go share the, the word of God to everybody,” she said.
Finally, doctors had a diagnosis - dermatomyositis, an auto immune disease that, while not curable, is treatable with blood transfusions and medication. When they brought Matt out of sedation, he carried a memory he says drove him into the arms of God. He said, “I experienced this blackness, I experienced like my own personal hell and I felt this extreme separation and this loneliness, you know.”
After two months in the hospital, Matt was released and moved in with his brother’s family. Now rebuilding his life, he got off drugs, found forgiveness with his family, and began discovering God’s love for him. “I spent, you know, six months crying just these big soul healing tears, crying and everything. Cause I just realized how much the Father loved me. I realized that even in all my addictions and all that time, He was with me the whole time,” Matt said.
Four years later in June 2022, Matt says God answered their prayers again. Still on medication and receiving infusions, he went to his doctor for a recurring appointment and blood work. Matt said, “Wow, he goes, 'all your levels are normal.' And I said, 'whoa.' And he said, 'Wow, this never happens.' And I said, 'Doctor, is this a miracle?' And he said, 'this never happens.' And he said, 'you're doing construction?' I said, 'yeah, I’m working two, three days a week and stuff.' And he just couldn't believe it. And he took me off my infusions and started to wean me off medication, and he was right I wasn’t like I was before I’m actually better than I was before.”
Today Matt is still in good health. He’s also attending bible school at Bethel in Redding, California preparing for the ministry… just as Sarah predicted. “God does these things in your life, in my life, it was so amazing. But to be used to pour in other people and see the, you know, like the 'Jesus light bulb' go off and people that see them, I can see when they get, when they start to receive the Father's love, and He starts to pull that out of them. And, I have so much hope,” said Matt. “I really have hope. I know what it's like to have God change your mind about everything. About everything, you know?”
