A Love Worth Dying For

The new year began with so much promise that I never expected the next several months of my life to be overshadowed by fear and doubt. To combat this indescribable gloom, I reached out to my Bible study teacher, clung to specific verses, sought advice from peers, and prayed—yet I couldn’t shake off this heavy cloak of darkness. I felt like Job in the Bible who had been enjoying life until a period of deep distress made him want to question everything he knew about God. Perhaps you can relate when he cried, “Behold, I go forward, but he is not there, and backward, but I do not perceive him; on the left hand when he is working, I do not behold him; he turns to the right hand, but I do not see him. But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold” (Job 23:8-10 ESV).

My faith began to waver until one night I was engrossed in the pages of a novel set in the Regency era. The tale described a humble weaver who fell in love with a woman well above his class. Her father, a duke, had gambled away the family fortune, and their only hope was to marry his daughter off to a gentleman of means. What no one knew was that this self-made tradesman was an orphan who had worked his way to considerable wealth. Set on marrying the girl of his dreams, the mill worker offered the duke 75,000 pounds to make her his. Although his sincere proposal appeared more like a monetary transaction, the man was nothing more than patient and kind toward his rebellious heroine, who grudgingly accepted his offer to avoid a position as a governess or lady’s companion. 

It struck me that 75,000 pounds was an extravagant sum of money back then, and I admired how the hero was determined to save his love from penury. In that moment, I realized that Jesus paid more than 75,000 pounds for my heart—He offered me His life. I spent the rest of the evening receiving—rather than earning—His unconditional love. For years, I had believed that God was either angry with or disappointed in me based on my inability to please my earthly father, but that feeling had finally dissipated. My heart, which I believe to have been purified through months of testing, had become lighter than a feather. Like Dr. Seuss’s Grinch, my heart—my faith—grew three times that day. The Gospel was no longer a historical fact but a personal revelation. For the first time in my life, I felt completely whole and fully secure in the Savior’s love.

Are you in a silent season of life? Have you ever been trapped by circumstances and couldn’t understand why? Trust God even when you don’t perceive a way to move forward. As you persevere, you will come out like gold—knowing that He never leaves or forsakes us.

Pray with me: Dear Lord, thank You for not giving up on us even when it seems we have given up on You. Although Your love for us is more than we can comprehend, help us realize it is far greater than anything on this earth. Thank You for not leaving us where we are, and please refine us like gold so we can be all that You want us to be. In Your glorious name, amen.

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Scripture is quoted from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®). ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. The ESV® text has been reproduced in cooperation with and by permission of Good News Publishers. Unauthorized reproduction of this publication is prohibited. All rights reserved.