Strength in the Face of Alzheimer's
CBN.com Two weeks before Thanksgiving, Dad called to say he and Mom were coming to see me. Excitement swept over me because they had never spent this holiday in my home. At the same time, feelings of fear crept in. My mother was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease. Would she know me? Would she stay overnight in my home or want to return to hers? How would we manage?
Mom and Dad arrived, and I dashed out the door to greet them. We hugged. Mom recognized me, and I sighed with relief.
My relief soon fizzled as I realized how much Mom had forgotten. Although my parents visited me in my two-bedroom home many times, she couldn’t find her way around. She repeatedly asked, “Where’s my room?” or “Where’s my bathroom?”
Mom asked my father if he could find his way around my home. He nodded and said he could. She commented, “Well, good for you.”
I felt sad as I watched my mother, a woman with a PhD, unable to move from one room to another by herself. I made large signs out of heavy paper for the garage door and the hall closet. On a previous visit, Mom had taken my blue jacket home with her. She was convinced it was hers. So to keep her out of my closet and from confusing my clothes with hers, I placed a “Do not open” sign on the door. One evening I overheard her tell my dad, “I wonder what’s in there. Do you think it’s the garage?”
Tears came to my eyes, and I asked God to help me and Dad take care of my mother.
During the visit, I noticed Mom struggled to get dressed each day and would ask where her purse, glasses, coat, scarf, and shoes were. I decided to keep all those items by the front door on a wooden stool. Mom didn’t remember where her things were, but Dad and I knew and could assist her.
The first time we went to a local restaurant, Mom dropped her scarf and didn’t know where her glasses were. She also asked, “Where’s my purse? Did I bring it?” From then on, I stored her scarf and purse in the trunk of the car or had her leave them at home when we went shopping or out to eat. One day as we got ready to go for lunch at a restaurant, Mom said, “I need my glasses to read the menu.”
“No, Mom, you won’t need them,” I answered. “We’re going to a buffet.”
She nodded and accepted my answer.
I noticed Mom required extra care and compassion in other ways too. I wouldn’t leave Mom alone in the kitchen for fear she would start a fire. I didn’t dare leave her in one aisle of the store and go to another. She wouldn’t be able to find me and would panic. If we went to a buffet, I picked a table as close to the food line as possible, so she could see us and wouldn’t get lost.
Mom continues to deteriorate. This past November my parents visited me for two and a half weeks. My mother didn’t recognize me the first week and thought I was another woman with an eye on her husband. She asked my father what was going on between him “and that other woman” and if there were anything he needed to tell her. I wept and asked God to provide wisdom, understanding, and compassion. In answer, He reminded me Mom wouldn’t have ever said anything like that before the onset of Alzheimer’s. God gave me compassion for my mother whose brain disease is changing her into a different person against her will. He showed me that her behavior frightens and frustrates me, but it also does the same to her.
God continued to meet me in the difficult times. Some days my mother thanked me for the meals I prepared, for helping her get dressed, and for my kindness. Other days she screamed, cursed, called me lazy, and accused me of not doing anything for her and my dad. I cried in the privacy of my bedroom and recalled (NASB): “My soul weeps because of grief; Strengthen me according to Thy word.”
I experienced an emotional roller coaster because of Mom’s Alzheimer’s, but God answered my prayers each day. One of my favorite Bible verses is (NASB): “I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you.” God kept His promise and showed me how to love and care for my mother during those days filled with heartache and frustration with a parent I no longer know.
Perhaps your mother or father doesn’t have Alzheimer’s disease, but you may face some other difficulty in your life. God waits to hear from you and wants to help you too.
Copyright © 2008 by Yvonne Ortega. Used by permission.
Yvonne Ortega is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Substance Abuse Treatment Practitioner, Clinically Certified Domestic Violence Counselor, speaker, and author. She is the author of Hope for the Journey through Cancer ( Revell, 2007) and a contributing author to The Embrace of a Father (Bethany House, 2006). She has also been published in Spirit-Led Writer, The Secret Place, The Quiet Hour, The Virginia Alcoholism and Drug Abuse Counselors VAADAC Views, and other magazines. Yvonne has presented workshops at the Greater Philadelphia Christian Writers Conference in 2007, the Richmond, VA Fall Conference in 2004, and at the Maine Christian Writers Conference in 2001 and 2002. She will be on staff again this year at the Greater Philadelphia Christian Writers Conference for appointments and paid critiques. She has presented workshops for the Richmond Christians Who Write and the Peninsula Christian Writers. You can find out more about her at www.yvonneortega.com. Her blog "Stepping Stones for Survival" is on her Web site.
