Rabbi Shmuley Boteach: Shalom at Home
No matter what it is that’s tearing a family apart, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, renowned author, columnist, and star of radio and television, is not afraid to tackle the most complex family relationships in order to help families heal. In his new book, Shalom in the Home: Smart Advice for a Peaceful Life, Rabbi Shmuley provides an in-depth, behind-the-scenes look at his work with 10 families featured on his TLC television show of the same name, delving into problems such as adultery, teenage sex, self esteem, toxic relationships, sexual intimacy, divorce, cultural pressures, and the effects all these issues have on the family.
Insightful and candid, Rabbi Shmuley does not hold back as he gets to the root of destructive relationships, household dynamics, and parenting, yet his style is also remarkably compassionate and understanding. Some of the lessons and “Shmuleyisms” he shares with readers are:
- "Adultery destroys families, not just marriages."
- "Teenage sexual activity doesn’t just expose children to pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease. It robs them of their precious childhoods."
- "Married couples need to know how to fight – in a way that does as little damage as possible."
“Shalom ("peace" in Hebrew) does not mean that there will never be problems or conflict,” he says. “It does mean that you and your family can deal as a team with whatever issues you may have, so that everyone learns from the experience and you all draw closer as a result.”
More often than not, parents call in Rabbi Shmuley to “fix a kid,” but he often finds himself focusing on the parents’ marriage instead, reaffirming his long-held belief that successful parenting stems from a strong, healthy relationship between the parents. For example, the Maxwells had asked for Rabbi Shmuley’s help with their three-year-old son Zachary’s bedtime. Without fail, the unpleasant ritual took several tear-filled hours every night, ending with Zachary in bed with Mom – and Dad on the couch. And though they may not have realized it, Zachary’s sovereign rule over the household was straining his parents’ relationship. Rabbi Shmuley is adamant that a healthy sexual relationship between husband and wife is key to a healthy family. “Children should solidify rather than obstruct the marital relationship – and that can’t happen if parents draw no boundaries with their kids,” says Rabbi Shmuley.
“I’ve tried to help families rededicate themselves to building a peace-filled family life—not by humiliating them with their past mistakes but by alerting them to the glory of their future potential,” says Rabbi Shmuley. Packed with emotion and drama, Shalom in the Home shows readers how to bring joy into their marital relationships and parent/child relationships, thereby making home a place to escape to – not to escape from.
SHALOM IN HIS HOME
So what makes Rabbi Shmuley the expert on creating successful, functional family relationships? Well, his experience as a Rabbi is certainly part of it, but maybe even more importantly is that Rabbi Shmuley is able to create peace in his own home. While he is shown on television helping others run their household, Rabbi Shmuley has his own family to take care of too. He is married to his wife, Debbie, and together they have eight children. Rabbi Shmuley isn’t going into households with unrealistic expectations; he knows what works, because he is sharing the same methods that he uses with his own family.
