Falling In Love Again: Part Two

CBN.com WITH YOUR SPOUSE

While I was grieving the death of my first wife, I wondered if I would ever love again. I was so sad and depressed. The loss was severe -- we had been married for 47 years.

However, after I began to recover from my grief, I then began to realize how lonely I was. I will always be grateful for the mutual friends who introduced Priscilla to me. During the first 17 days of December 1993, I talked to Priscilla for 31 hours on the telephone.

After the first few days, people who knew me well could see a difference in me. I was running up the stairs again rather than walking. There was a spring in my step, and I was humming love songs. I was acting young again; I was falling in love.

If we as married couples want to keep alive the kind of love that made our relationships so much fun in the beginning, we must periodically fall in love with each other again.

Here are some suggestions:

1. Call each other two or three times during your workday. The conversations do not have to be long. Just knowing that you are on your spouse's mind and that he or she cares enough to call helps to keep the spark alive in your relationship.

2. Fantasize about each other while the two of you are apart. Remind yourself of how good a loving embrace feels. Recall the romantic places you have been and the tender things you have done.

3. Surprise each other with little unselfish gifts. A husband may bring home some flowers occasionally. A wife might prepare her husband's favorite meal.

4. Two or three times a year, plan to get away without children and fully devote yourselves to nourishing your marriage.

One of the best things that you can do for your children is to let them see that their parents are still very much in love with each other.

WITH YOUR CHILDREN

Your love for your children is the most important investment that you will ever make in them.

From the moment of conception until your child marries and leaves home, you will see many different manifestations of that child. Each of these requires a different kind of love from you:

1. Infancy: Your children need a lot of affection and care from you. You need to keep them warm and well fed.

2. Childhood: As they go into childhood and become more mobile, you need to keep kids safe. It is important to frequently remind them of your love and to reinforce good behavior as well as to punish them for behaviors you do not approve of.

3. School years: As they move into elementary school, they need your participation in their social lives and their school activities.

4. Teenagers: They need a lot of patience and moral guidance from you.

5. Adulthood: As adults, your children need your respect for their judgment and the responsibility they are reflecting in their lives.

Some children are easier to love than others. And some children are easier to love more at certain times than at others. For these reasons, it is important that we fall in love with our children again and again throughout their lives.

WITH YOUR FAMILY

The source of our greatest joys and our greatest pain is our family.

There are circumstances that put family members at a distance from each other. If family love is to survive, ways must be found to deal with these circumstances and to allow families to fall in love with each other again.

Extramarital affairs have this kind of impact on a family. During this time, there is distance between Mom and Dad, and the children resent the parent who introduced this kind of uncertainty into their family's life.

Drug abuse can also put family members at a distance from each other. Unfortunately, a problem like this may keep family relationships strained for years. However, once the drug abuser is delivered, then it is the obligation of the rest of the family to fall in love with the abuser again so that healing can come to the family.

Adolescent rebellion can also distance family members from each other. Fortunately, this period does not last too long. But even in situations filled with anger, the family survives and agrees to fall in love with each other again.

Unwise mate choices by the children can cause family distance. In most cases, young people make wise choices. As the new spouse stretches, the family stretches and tensions are relieved. Family members then can fall in love with each other again.

Divorce creates another difficult strain on family relationships. For example, in-laws who were loved are no longer a part of the family. In most cases, those relationships are permanently lost. When children get divorced, it is a disappointment to their parents. When parents get divorced, it is a disappointment to their children and a blow to family pride. But even under these circumstances, God gives the grace to fall in love with family again.

Remarriage is perhaps the ultimate stress on family relationships. This is particularly true when Mom or Dad remarry, even if they are widowed at the time. It usually requires three to five years for family members to learn to comfortably love each other again.