Conquer Your Insecurities

CBN.com When I finished graduate school, what I really wanted to do was to be a reporter or perhaps a news anchor. That was my dream job at the time and I had worked hard to earn a master’s in journalism with an emphasis in broadcasting. I prepared educationally and then it was time to step into the field. Did I go for it? Nope. Persistent doubts about whether a news director would think I was “good enough” kept me from pursuing my dream. I hate to admit it, but the truth is that I never even tried. I didn’t send out one tape to a newsroom – paralyzed by my fear that I hadn’t learned enough and didn’t have what it takes. Instead, I pursued a career that seemed more attainable to me at the time – public relations. I would be able to use my journalism skills and would interact with the media, but denied myself the joy of going for my dream at a time in life when I truly had nothing to lose. In my first book, Rich Minds, Rich Rewards, I refer to this phenomenon as “downsizing your dream.” Even as I write these words, I can still feel the sorrow that comes with burying a dream because you have allowed doubt and a lack of confidence to steer you onto a less challenging path. For several years, I never told anyone the truth about why I had chosen public relations.

In retrospect, all things worked together for good. (It’s obvious to me now that I was meant to use the writing, listening and analytical skills I learned to become an author, speaker and life coach, not a reporter.) But I learned three tremendous lessons: 1) Life is too short to allow doubt to keep you from doing the things you really want to do, 2) A little talent and a healthy dose of authentic confidence based on living your unique purpose will always lead to success, and 3) The phrase “I’m not good enough” is not worthy of my use. If it is something God has created you to do, you will always be “good enough” to do it. You should expect doubt when you step outside of your comfort zone.

—Excerpted from Why Not You? 28 Days to Authentic Confidence (WaterBrook Press, 2007)

Why is the issue of overcoming doubt and building confidence one of the most important issues you can address?

• It impacts your relationships, including whether you stand up for yourself, set good boundaries, and choose mutually beneficial friendships.

• It impacts your finances. Insecurity and self-doubt are leading causes of overwhelming credit card debt as some attempt to fill a void through overspending.

• It impacts your ability to parent your children effectively.

• It impacts the career you choose (or don’t choose), including how quickly you advance and how much money you earn.

Consider these five strategies from Why Not You? 28 Days to Authentic Confidence to help you conquer doubt, hesitation, and insecurities; face the real source of your fears and eliminate your biggest confidence stealers:

1. BE HONEST.
In order to enjoy authentic confidence, you must acknowledge how you feel and face the truth about your doubts. Only then can you intentionally address the issues. Sometimes there are good reasons you don’t feel confident: You might be ill prepared, out of God’s will, the timing is off, or you’ve set an unachievable goal of perfection, for example. When you peel back the layers, you can discover the truth that will set you free.

2. FREE YOURSELF FROM THE PAST.
For many, a lack of confidence is rooted in past pain, disappointment, failure, lies, or mistakes. In order to gain the confidence to fulfill your potential, it is essential to let go of the past. If you are able to pinpoint experiences that zapped your confidence in the past, make a decision not to allow those experiences to define your present or future. But if you can’t figure out what past experiences have a negative impact on you, refuse to be discouraged. Understanding why you behave the way you do can help you heal, but it is not necessary to changing your behavior. You can make a decision today to focus on changing your attitude so that you can create the future you’ve dreamed of.

3. LET GO OF COMPARISONS.
With so much focus on looks, money, and popularity in today’s culture, it can be difficult at times not to compare yourself to those around you. Whether comparing your looks or your job, your spouse or your children, making comparisons is never good for your confidence. Either it leaves you feeling inadequate as you perceive others as more successful, or it gives you a false sense of confidence as you deem yourself better than someone else.

4. ESCAPE THE OVERCOMPENSATION RUT.
One of the ways you can tell if you need to build your confidence is if you find yourself overcompensating for your perceived shortcomings. It can show up in numerous ways: For example, you’re always trying to prove something, you go overboard to lavish others with praise or gifts to win their favor, you say “I’m sorry” for things that don’t warrant an apology, you work too much, always have to be in control, or you buy things to impress, fit in, or meet others’ expectations, even if you can’t afford them. The first step is to notice how you are overcompensating and then make a commitment to stop. It will be uncomfortable at first, but over time, a new sense of well-being and authentic confidence will emerge.

5. HAVE FAITH.
When you follow your unique path in life, the one God created you for, you cannot fail. You can never fail at doing what you were created to do – whether it is raising responsible children, running a successful business, having healthy relationships, or anything else. Trust that if you learn the lessons offered to you through your experiences and take action towards your destiny, success will cross your path. A hallmark of authentic confidence is the willingness to persevere even when the challenges feel insurmountable. God is with you. Listen to His voice. Follow His guidance. Then watch the power of your faith move mountains.

My challenge to you this week:
In a situation in which you lack confidence, choose one of the five strategies above and apply it.

Journaling assignment:
Be honest. Where do you lack confidence? What doubts are plaguing you? What would give you confidence and what are you willing to do to build your confidence in that area?

A sought-after life coach and speaker, Valorie Burton seeks to inspire people to live more fulfilling, less stressful lives. She is the author of Listen to Your Life, What’s Really Holding You Back?, Rich Minds, Rich Rewards, and her latest, Why Not You? 28 Days to Authentic Confidence.