From Grief to Glory: A Book That Transforms

LOSS

Alisa Harewood, her husband Benny, and their infant son, Jacob, moved from England to Michigan for her career promotion in 2011.  Benny stayed home with Jacob while Alisa worked, and everything was going well. Just a few years later, all of that changed.  Alisa will never forget the evening of April 14, 2015.  When she and then four-year-old Jacob arrived home after 8pm, Benny, still had not returned from a 6pm doctor’s appointment.  It was unlike him not to check in, so after putting Jacob to bed, she called him.  No response.  Alisa continued calling Benny every ten minutes, and also checked with everyone she could think of who might know where he was.  By 10:00pm, she panicked.  Not long after, she received a call from the local hospital with the news that Benny was there, could not talk, and that she needed to come immediately.  She figured he’d had a severe asthma attack, having had the chronic condition for years.  

Leaving Jacob with her neighbors, Alisa rushed to the hospital.  A doctor, nurse, and chaplain met with her and explained that Benny had in fact suffered an asthma attack at the doctor’s office, and been brought to the hospital.  Alisa had begged him for years to see a specialist and take medication, but Benny wanted to handle it naturally.  The doctor explained that they ran tests and tried to stabilize Benny’s heart for hours.  Then he told her that Benny went into cardiac arrest at 9:45pm, and at 10:15pm, he died.  He was just 30 years old. 

GRIEF

Alisa couldn’t believe her ears.  She was suddenly a widow, a status no woman in her thirties expects.  From that first moment of disbelief, Alisa could only go through the motions of giving family and friends the hard news, and preparing for a funeral.  As to her faith, she was raised in the Roman Catholic tradition, and says she “dipped her toes in and out of faith” as an adult.  Three days after Benny died, she desperately asked Jesus to draw near to her.  Facing life as a single mom now, she started what would be a years-long journey of grieving.  From books, she soon learned that there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance.  “The most essential thing to remember is that there is no neat, orderly transition from one step to the next,” Alisa says.  “There is no exact science to how you move through the stages of grief.  It’s individual to you, it’s unique, and ultimately, it’s how you choose to function through them that matters.”  

TRYING TO COPE

About six months after Benny’s death, Alisa decided to quit her job in Michigan, return to her native England, and spend more time with her son than she’d been able to previously, focused on her career.  She was financially able to take a year off, and decided to spend half of it in Benny’s native Barbados, where he’d been buried.  While there, she started to move from the denial stage into anger; partly at God for taking her husband, partly at Benny for not taking his medication as directed, but mostly at herself.  “I felt guilty for all the things I should have said, didn’t say, or could have done differently.”  Without a network of believers around her, and severe challenges to her faith, Alisa found a number of things which eased her pain.  One of them was alcohol.   “Although I could forget how hollow my life felt for an instant the fundamental flaw in my plan to drink my way 

out of loneliness always came with the reality that I was still a widow, Jacob still had no daddy, and I ended up feeling ten times worse,” she admits.  “The wounds of shame and guilt superseded the bitter aftertaste of alcohol.”  In time, Alisa added smoking marijuana to dull the pain and shame.  “I would disappear into this make-believe world where I’d smoke weed, talk with his ghost and pretend that my life had not been broken into a million pieces.”  Another coping mechanism Alisa now regrets is an illicit affair.  “I cared for nothing other than wanting and longing to feel loved in whatever way felt right to me.”   The relationship lasted a couple of months and once again, left her with guilt and shame.  
     
DEPRESSION IS NORMAL 

Three years after Benny’s death, Alisa was still relying on her “comfort blankets,” alcohol and weed.  Her sadness and the weariness of pretending she was okay then led to depression, another stage of the normal grief process.  “For the first time in my life, I couldn’t see a way out; no light at the end of any tunnel,” she explains.  “I was desperate and in despair.  I wanted to die.  I am not ashamed to tell you that there were moments during my most profound hurt when I had thoughts and plans to end Jacob’s and my life.  Moments when I felt there was no reason to be here.”  Alisa says she had a full mental breakdown from years of trying to deal with symptoms rather the root cause of her pain.  But that was soon to change …

COUNSELING IS KEY
 
Alisa finally found herself a good, Christian counselor who helped her get to the roots of her pain, and start to look at God’s Word as the authority rather than her feelings.  “I could not have healed without counseling,” she says emphatically.  “And getting the right one is crucial.”  She encourages people to ask their family, friends, and doctors for referrals, and to pray about whom to see.  Alisa realizes in retrospect that she could have saved herself much heartache, and come through grief sooner had she sought help.  “The sooner you can speak to a professional to help you understand your feelings and find healthy coping mechanisms, the more minor potential damage you will do to yourself and those you love.”  Once the fog of depression started to lift, Alisa had the emotional wherewithal to talk to Jesus throughout the day, and read His Word, allowing it to renew her weary mind.  She eventually arrived at the acceptance stage of grief and felt like she was living again.  In 2020, she met up with an old friend, Carlyle, whom she later married.  Jacob is now 14, and doing great, Alisa says.   

CBN UK

Alisa joined the CBN team in 2021 as the Director of Media, and in early 2024, took on the role of National Director for Ireland and the UK.  She sensed the Lord impress on her that she and her staff of 30 should ask the Lord for one million salvations, as they provide evangelical media and humanitarian outreach for the region.  The office has also begun the UK Founders Club, similar to that of CBN’s U.S. counterpart.   

To find out more about Alyssa Latty - Alleyne click the link! www.justcallmealisa.com If you're interested on checking out CBN UK click the link as well. https://cbn.uk

CREDITS

Author, From Grief to Glory (self-published, 2023) / CBN UK and Ireland National Director since 2024, Director of Media, CBN UK 2021–2024 / public speaker / entrepreneur / Founder, Just Call Me Alisa platform for counseling and events for women / worship leader, Mosaic Church, Coventry, England / married to Carlyle, one teenage son, Jacob