Melinda
Means

Melinda is a speaker and author whose passion is to point women to the Source of joy and peace in the midst of difficult circumstances. As a writing coach, she also guides women in telling their stories of how God turned their pain and passion into purpose. She is Women's Programs Director at her church. She is author of Invisible Wounds: Hope While You’re Hurting and co-author of Mothering From Scratch: Finding the Best Parenting Style for You and Your Family. She and her husband, Mike, have a college-age daughter and a teenage son.  Her website is http://melindameans.com.

More from Melinda Means

More from Melinda Means

Be a Positive Parent

Your Pain Could Be Someone's Salvation

I couldn’t understand it. I was organizing a large event as part of my job. I was down to the last few weeks where everything gets crazy and frantic, no matter how well you plan.

Then, out of nowhere, with no “injury” or strain or apparent reason, I was hit with a new, incredibly painful bout of my chronic back pain.

Really, God? Right now? What could possibly be the good or the purpose of this pain? After nearly 20 years of chronic pain and illness, I was tired of learning lessons. I was weary of character building. 

My doctor referred me to a physical therapist. He was kind of a “tough guy”, but caring and funny — just the kind of “medicine” you need from a provider when you’re in pain. He asked me what I did for a living. I told him I was an author and Women’s Director at my church. He seemed intrigued and began asking questions about my church, my writing, and my faith.

He explained that he was Jewish. He believed there was a God, but didn’t really go to church. And he had big problems with believing Jesus was the Messiah. We had some interesting dialogue about prophecy and Jesus' life. A few sessions went by without much discussion about the spiritual.

At my last therapy session, he was telling me some stories of his wild youth. Then, he said, “You probably wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with me. But I really was a nice Jewish boy.”

“Jesus was a nice Jewish boy, too,” I responded.

“Yes, He was.” He thought for a moment and said, “Let’s talk about that.”

I sensed that the Holy Spirit was up to something.

He began asking deep, thoughtful questions. I was able to answer them in ways I know I don’t possess the ability to do on my own.

His next patient “happened” to cancel. So for nearly an hour, we had this incredible exchange where he asked penetrating questions and I laid out the entire message of salvation through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Finally, he said, “I have a Christian friend who hits me over the head with this stuff. He gets so angry. You are so passionate and so sure, but you’re not angry. You just really believe.”

“I do.”

“Do they talk about stuff like this at your church?”

“Yep. They sure do. Do you want to come?”

“You know what? Yes. I’m coming to church." He went out to the other room and told all the other therapists, "I’m going back to church!”

As I left, he said, “I just wish I could be as sure as you are.”

I told him about OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nlt) : “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (NIV)

This “tough guy” — with tears in his eyes — gave me hug.

I haven't seen my friend at my church. I don’t know what happened in his heart that day. I do know that encounter was real, divinely appointed, and significant. We both knew it.

I also know that if he continues to search, he will find Truth. In the meantime, God will continue to pursue him personally and passionately — just as He does each of us.

Sometimes our pain is not about us. The trials that we go through are not just about lessons we need to learn. Consider the words Paul wrote to Timothy as he sat in chains in prison: "... But the word of God cannot be chained. So I am willing to endure anything if it will bring salvation and eternal glory in Christ Jesus to those God has chosen." (NLT)

Maybe sometimes our pain is about a gentle “tough guy” that needs to hear about the love of Jesus.

In that case, thank God for my aching back.

Excerpt from Invisible Wounds: Hope While You're Hurting, Copyright 2016 Melinda Means. Used by permission. 

Salvation in the Soup Line

"But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, ..." OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nlt) (NIV)

I was hungry and in a hurry. My eight-year-old son was doing his best Energizer Bunny impersonation, while my weary body, on the other hand, was ripe for a recharge. I wasn’t interested in small talk. I just wanted food – fast. But as we waited for my soup at the local deli, a stranger kept eyeing me curiously. At first, I kept my head down and tried to ignore his gaze. Finally, I glanced up and offered a strained smile.

“I see you voted today,” he said, spying the conspicuous “I Voted” sticker on my lapel.

“Oh, great,” I thought. “This is worse than small talk. This guy wants to discuss politics!”

“They were holding early voting at the library today,” I replied politely, hoping to put an end to the subject.

Instead, he launched into a diatribe about the candidates. Before I knew it I had been sucked into a spirited discussion about troops, terrorism, and the terrible state of society.

Finally, he said, “I just think that if we all meditated more and focused on peaceful thoughts that would help everyone get along a lot better.”

I sensed an opportunity.

“Well, if you look at history, our problems escalated when this country began to take God out of the equation,” I countered.

“Hmmm… what do you mean by that?” he said with genuine interest.

With the deli staff as my captive audience, I explained how moral absolutes originated with our Creator, which led to a fairly deep exploration of the spiritual. It ended with me inviting my new friend to church.

“If your church discusses these types of issues, I just might visit,” he said. 

Just then a man standing nearby piped up, “What church are you talking about? Maybe I’ll come, too."

I shudder when I consider how many soup-line experiences I’ve probably missed over the years because I’ve been more concerned about the soup than the souls of those around me. As followers of Christ, we have a responsibility “to give the reason for the hope” ( ) that is ours in Him. Jesus was a Master at weaving the extraordinary into everyday experiences. Here are a few ways we can move closer to His example:

  • Live deliberately. Jesus was not unconcerned with immediate needs; however, he was always driven by His Father’s agenda. A consistently chaotic schedule drowns out the subtle promptings of the Holy Spirit and causes us to view others simply as barriers to our productivity.
  • Confront the controversial. Jesus boldly tackled sensitive subjects, including legalism and adultery, but always with the “gentleness and respect” also mentioned in 1 Peter 3. Rather than cower from confrontation, we can bring truth and light into potentially divisive discussions by listening, asking insightful questions and sharing the transforming work God has done in our own lives.
  • Reserve judgment. Tax collectors, poor fishermen, prostitutes … Jesus saw past society’s labels and straight to people’s need. His free gift of salvation is for everyone. We are His conduit for extending the invitation.

Although I haven’t yet spotted my deli friends at church, I trust God will use my words to make a difference.

“My word … will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” (NIV)

Copyright © Melinda Means, used with permission.

Park Princess

I have always been a sucker for theme parks. Screaming children. Overpriced food. A 90-minute wait for a 30-second ride. Blazing heat. What’s not to love? Growing up in Florida, theme parks were a big part of my childhood. I’ve tried to give my own children some of those experiences and memories as well. One recent trip, however, will not be making the family scrapbook.

Last spring break, we decided to go to Busch Gardens. While my nine-year-old son was thrilled, my adolescent daughter was convinced it was a plot to make her life completely miserable. We had a fun but tiring day – peppered with preteen drama. When the park was closing, this momma was more than ready to hit the road.

We managed to exit just before the mass exodus from the park. I smiled smugly as we waited for the tram to our car. We were beautifully positioned — first in one of the lines.

In a polite and just world, each line of people matches up to a row of seats in the tram. However, when the tram stopped, to my utter horror, the line of people next to me rushed the tram and took our row of seats! Uh-huh. Not going to happen, I thought. Momma’s got an attitude and she’s not going to be denied.

I spied one seat left in “our” row. It will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine. While my family watched in disbelief, I jockeyed for position, leaving the husband of this family of “row-thieves” standing by the tram. Apparently, I decided I was going to make them leave their patriarch behind. At that moment it also seemed perfectly rational to leave my own family behind because that was “my” seat.

And I didn’t even have the keys to the car.

“Um, that’s my husband. He needs that seat,” said the Row-Thief Wife.

“Well, we were first in line and now we’re going to have to wait!” I said as I stepped off the tram in a snit.

My daughter was laughing hysterically, while my son stood wondering what alien life form had overtaken his mother. “Who are you, Mom?!” my daughter finally said.

My husband, always the calm one, observed, “The woman obviously didn’t know she was messing with The Polecat!" (His name for me when I do or say something irrational or feisty.)

A sense of entitlement. It’s the very thing I hate to see in my children. But here I was acting like a pouty princess because I didn’t get my way.

By the time I came to my senses, the Row-Thief Family was long gone and along with them my chance to apologize. However, I realized I could still make it right with God and use it as a teaching moment for my kids.

“I shouldn’t have acted that way. I’m sorry. We were going to get to our car whether we got on that tram or the next one,” I said. “I should have let it go. It looks ugly when we insist on our own way, doesn’t it?”

In OPEN VERSE IN BIBLE (nlt) NIV, Paul issues us this challenge: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.”

As parents, co-workers, spouses, and friends, we have opportunities to deny our “rights” every day.

I sacrifice for my kids and expect they’ll show me love and respect. I give time and attention to my spouse and expect grace and understanding. But sometimes I get attitude or apathy, backtalking and bellyaching. There are no guaranteed rewards; just Christ’s instruction to obey, to serve, to stick with it, regardless of the outcome; regardless of how I feel or what I think I’m entitled to.

Each and every time I do, I give others a little earthly glimpse of God’s unconditional love.

Jesus is our example. "... he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!” NIV

He became nothing, giving up His rights as the Son of God to serve us. If I remember His example, maybe next time I’ll shut my big mouth and give up my seat on the tram.

Copyright © 2010 Melinda Means. Used by permission.