Life Restored After Years of Meth Addiction

“When I would do the drugs, I wouldn't think about things. But when I started coming down is when everything would start hitting me. The guilt and shame was just eating at me. It was eating me alive.” At 39 years old, Sheila Rice wasn’t sure if meth would destroy her life, or she’d do it herself. She recalls, “I felt like I wanted to take my life. I would even entertain thoughts of how can I get somebody to kill me today? I just felt so unworthy.”
 
Sheila had started smoking weed in junior high. It escalated when she was 17 and lost her dad to lung cancer. However, at that time, she had her drug use under control.  By her mid-twenties, Sheila was married with two kids, she’d quit using altogether and even started going to church with her family, though pursuing God was never a priority. She says, “I knew God, I prayed, but I really just wanted to do what I wanted to do.” Then at 28, she let drugs back into her life after her husband’s job moved them from Tennessee to Iowa. She recalls, “We had no family there. Um, met some friends, met people, and I started smoking pot again. Um, just to have something to do.”
 
By the time, she and her family moved back to Tennessee five years later, they had stopped going to church. For several years Sheila and her husband were constantly fighting, and she was struggling with her self-esteem.   Pot was still Sheila’s ‘drug of choice’, until a coworker convinced her to try meth. Sheila recalls, “I liked it and it gave me energy, made me feel young. I was losing weight, but I wanted to do it every day.” It wasn’t long until meth had total control of Sheila’s mind and body. She says, “I just wasn't myself. I wasn't like the loving mother that I was before. I brought all this guilt and shame and, um, embarrassment to my family that I deserved. I was damned and I deserved to be that way.”
 
Despite her husband’s efforts and support, Sheila continued to drown in addiction. After two years she and her husband separated, and their children were living with Sheila’s mom.  By then, Sheila was shooting up meth daily. She says, “I was homeless, staying here and there, and crying every day, for my family. I didn't know how to get back to them. I don't think I wanted to quit though. 'cause I liked the energy and the feeling of it.” The only time she talked to God was to ask Him to end her life. She recalls, “The guilt and shame was just eating at me. It was eating me alive. I would really scream at Him, and I would say, please kill me today and get me outta my misery, I was thinking that I just wasn't worthy to breathe air.”
 
Then, on July 21, 2014, the now 41-year-old Sheila was arrested on drug charges. While sitting in her cell that night, she says the fear of God came over her. She recalls, “The feeling of it was, was like how powerful He was and how all knowing and all, all wise, and it was a, a feeling of like, I had respect for Him that I'd never gave Him before. My life started flashing before my eyes. And those flashes was my daughter's faces. That's all I could see was their faces. And I was like, what have I done? It just, it was like everything hit me all at one time. How I'd been living, how I was separated from God was separated from my family. I said, please forgive me for what I've done for the way I've done my family. I completely and totally surrendered to you now. I don't wanna live like this anymore. I can't do this anymore. I released it all to God in a complete surrender to Him.”
 
Since she had no prior arrests, Sheila was ordered to rehab and released to her mom’s custody to await trial. She says, “I was able to go home, hug my daughters, asked for their forgiveness, and they forgave me so easy. They were so happy to have me back. We were going to church. And while I was at church, rededicated my life to the Lord and got baptized.” Sheila would spend almost 5 years in prison -- free from drugs, and free to pursue her relationship with God. She says, “When I went to prison, I took God right with me. There we went hand in hand, and I just continued reading the Bible, Genesis, the Revelation, over and over. And I would just fill my head, my mind with, um, with God, with his word. The Lord paid a big price for us. And if He could do that for me, who am I to feel unworthy and hopeless and helpless? That's not from Him. He loves us and He wants us to, to be the best that we can be.”
 
In that time Sheila reached out to her husband who had also rededicated his life to God.  When she was released, he welcomed her with open arms, something she says only happened through God’s forgiveness and love. Sheila says, “He gave back my marriage better than it had ever been before. I have a really good husband who loves me, who never gave up on me, who tried to help me.” Today, Sheila loves to share the grace that anyone can have when they surrender their life to God. She says, “If you will draw near to God, I promise you everything in me, He will draw near to you. He loves us even when we don't love ourselves. And He's just waiting with His arms open.”