The Secret Struggles Only God Could Heal

“I really didn't want to die. I really didn't want to kill myself, but I felt like there was no other option.”
 

Emma Gregory was in first grade when her parents divorced. Then came the panic attacks, doctors said were brought on by OCD and ADHD. By middle school, she was also dealing with depression and anxiety, which as a Christian, was difficult to understand. She says, “it was very hard because I knew that I was saved, and I shouldn't be feeling this way. If I'm saved, I should still be on fire for God – I shouldn’t have this anxiety because, cast all your cares onto God, right?” Medications helped, but Emma would be in a constant battle with cycles of anxiety, depression and panic attacks into her teen years. While those around her wrote it off as “teenage hormones”, Emma continued to struggle. Eventually, thoughts of suicide and dying began filling her mind, and she started to believe even God didn’t care about her. Then, in her senior year, Emma felt her life had turned a corner.  Her mom remarried, they moved into a beautiful home, she got accepted into college, and she adopted Hazel, a service dog who became her constant companion. Then, on December 30, 2019, after a family get-together, a sudden wave of suicidal thoughts flooded her mind --- she then found herself standing on a bridge. The officer’s name was Nick Risner. Emma says he gave her a hug and told her he had a daughter her age and believed God sent him to comfort her.

When Emma went to college for pre-med, Nick continued to be a lifeline for her, always there to listen and encourage Emma in her faith whenever the anxiety arose. Then on October 1, 2021, Nick was shot in the line of duty. He died two days later. With Nick gone, Emma felt she’d lost the only person who understood her struggles. Now the depression and suicidal thoughts were coming more frequently, threatening again to take over her life. It was then she began to remember something Nick said to her often; that the only lifeline she needed was Jesus.

According to Emma, “I really started to focus on worship; I realized that I really, I had to start reading my Bible again. I had to start praying more. I had to cling to the God that couldn't be killed. I had to cling to the God that did raise from the dead.”

Emma’s condition improved over the next three years, she changed her degree to counseling and started a student organization called the 15 Minute Project, to reach out to others struggling with depression and anxiety. As Emma continues to progress more and more in her mental health journey, her message to those around her is simple --- whether life works out well or not, our only hope is in Jesus Christ alone, and there is purpose in all our struggles. She says, “I'm finally getting to the point where when something happens, I don't immediately go to killing myself because that's not an option anymore. I have so many people that I, that I have to tell my story to so that they don't get to that point. So many people have been where I was, and I have to show them that it's okay. I have to show them that there's hope and that there's a peace that they can have that passes all understanding.”
If you or anyone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please know you are not alone, and help is available, just call 988. You can also find out more about Emma’s organization, the 15 Minute Project here.