Marriage and Football: An Unlikely Pair with the Same Goal — Success

As marriage coaches and NFL chaplains to the Los Angeles Chargers, George and Tondra Gregory are also authors giving couples practical tools with their just release book fittingly titled “The Marriage Game Plan”, developing a Winning Strategy for Marital Success. 

Question: “You propose a marriage mission statement. What does that uniquely bring to a relationship, Tondra?”

Tondra Gregory: “A game plan. A strategy. It's one thing to get married, it's another thing to be married and to stay married. In every other area of your life, you want to prepare, plan, educate, get mentorship, but in the area of love and marriage, you have to do the same thing.”

George Gregory: “In football we know what the ultimate goal is, but a couple has to define the win. What do you want it to look like when it says ‘till death do us part’? You gotta set your goals in order to get to that win. Couples need to be on the same team, understand that they are wearing the same jerseys or having that last name. Players understand it, but couples also need to understand that having a game plan is a part of winning and success.”                                                                          

Question: “How understated is that old familiar term – trust – in navigating through the pitfalls and disappointments of marriage?”

Tondra Gregory: “Trust is the foundation of every healthy relationship. I can depend on you. You’re gonna have my back. Trust is a gift! It’s hard to regain but it’s easy to lose. I came into our marriage with a lot of trust issues. Had been letdown by a lot of male figures in my life. Trust creates that safety for you to let your walls down.”

Question: “The blind-side sack of a quarterback and the finger-pointing that can quickly come with it. What most commonly leads couples to feeling they are divided and not on the same team?”

George Gregory: “They feel like they’re opponents. They don’t understand what brings them together to play together, to win together, to bear fruit together. You’re not enemies. You’re on the same team!”

Tondra Gregory: “Couples feel like opponents when it comes to how different they are, right? Opposites do attract. But then they attack. (Laugher)

Question: “If athletes need rest and recovery, do relationships need the same?” 

George Gregory: “Yeah, of course. Right? I think, uh, one of the things that really cripple a lot of marriage today is the busy lifestyle, right? We're everywhere. We're trying to meet all the demands. And so in order to perform at an elite marriage, the marriage how God wants us to have, we've gotta take moments of rest so that we can reflect on the things  that really matter in life and to help us win the home game.”

Tondra Gregory: “It's about re recalibrating. It's about pausing. Life is just running like a fast train (laugh). And you have to slow it down in order to make sure you're checking in with each other. Make sure that you are growing together. Make sure you're connecting. Don't let your calendar manage you, you manage your calendar.” 

Question: “You write how the intentionality of marriage reflects God’s image to humanity. What reflection can be seen?”

George Gregory: “So just like our parents, we look like them, sometimes we have the same actions as them. We can also reflect the same actions of our Heavenly Father in how we love each other; how we respond to each other; how do we keep this before each other; is we gotta understand that our marriage is not just for us. It's to reflect his image to those around us. And the power of your marriage is not just you, but it's also the God that you reflect along your journey.”

Tondra Gregory: “A lot of people think that marriage is about their happiness and just having a partner to enjoy life, but there are higher purposes and callings that God has on our marriage. Marriage is about sacrifice and serving and giving of yourself, 'cause that's how we’re gonna really reflect God to the world.”

Question: “We will go into marriage thinking it's fifty-fifty. When in fact, it requires a hundred percent, a hundred percent. What do we have to show for out of that completion of giving everything we have to each other.”

Tondra Gregory: “Hmmm. When you have the mentality of fifty-fifty, it says, ‘I'm not giving my all’. So how does that build trust? How does that make your spouse feel safe if you're holding back something? I feel like fifty-fifty is like that contract mentality. Uh, but when you think about covenant and lifelong promise that's giving all of yourself.”

George Gregory: “Christ gave us his all right. And marriage is an image of Christ and his bride. We are the Bride of Christ. And so I treat my wife as though Christ died for me. You've gotta give all, because Christ, He gave us his all.”

Question: “Going back to the “I Do” moment, how helpful is it to remember why you chose to commit to each other, to make the relationship worth fighting for?”  

George Gregory: Yeah. I think so many times we let challenges that come up in our marriage really blind us from why we were married in the first place. The long walks, the long talks, the giggly feelings that you had when you were, you know, with each other.  And so we gotta go back, we gotta take our minds back to those moments where we said ‘I do’. Going back to those memories really helps to reset and reengage of where we really want to go. Reflect and we can remember how do we want to win in our marriage.”

Question: “Amazing when you think about it, isn't it, when you go back to remembering, the ‘I Do’, but to break the tape saying ‘I Did. I Did! (Um-hm)”

Tondra Gregory: “Absolutely. George's parents both had gotten terminal illnesses. And I remember on their 50th anniversary. I can cry every time I think about it. They renewed their vows. He was completely handicapped. They didn't know that their marriage would face that. What life had presented to them just really showed me what marriage is all about.”    

George Gregory:  “We understand that the season is so long and to show up and play even when you have losses or injuries or things that you have to overcome. And marriage is nonetheless. It's not just enough to say, ‘I do’. We gotta know that we can do all things through Christ that strengthens us and when we cross that finish line together, when we're not dragging each other across, but we're celebrating each other, we're high fiving each other and we're thanking God that we are overcomers together, that is a journey for life.”