Gaining Freedom from Drugs and Alcohol

“I was laying there thinking, “What am I going to do”? said Rebecca Jones.

“But I thought he loved me?”

“Like, is there someone I can tell?”

“Am I going to have to go by myself?”

“No, I can't tell them because they're going to be so disappointed.”

“I cared what they thought of me.”

“I can't reach out to her, cause she'll tell everybody.”

Rebecca said, “The shame started for me as soon as I had the abortion.”

In the summer of 2004, leaving an abortion clinic in Pittsburg, Pennsylvania,18-year-old Rebecca Jones knew life would never be the same.

“And then I left there, and I remember like just walking out of the doors and feeling like I left a piece of my soul in that place,” she said.

The boyfriend who said he’d stay around if she got an abortion, didn’t. Much like her parents, who divorced when she was 6.

“And then my dad leaves and he’s no longer in the picture and my mom started going out to the bars a lot and it would be different men in and out of our home. So, as a little girl, it was really hard to understand like, why is this happening and why doesn't she care about me and my siblings? Why isn't she home? Why do we have to knock on neighbor's doors for food?”

Rebecca, the second of five, cared the best she could for her younger siblings. She worked hard in school and wanted to please everyone. Now, the abortion told a different story.

Rebecca said, “I had completely failed, yeah, I felt like the lowest point of my life. And so, for me it was like, I don't care anymore. Cause God's done with me. So, I don't care what happens to me because my life there is no like meaning anymore.”

After high school and for the next 15 years, drugs and alcohol dominated her life.

She said, “I got hooked on Oxycontin and my life just like spiraled out of control. And I was working as a waitress. I quit nursing school. I was like couch surfing, living in different drug dealer’s houses just to have a constant supply of drugs.” 

Rebecca’s sister, Mandy, a Christian, became aware of her older sister’s drug addiction.

Many said, “I'll never forget we were going to a Labor Day picnic and my sister, and I were in the backseat driving and she was literally passing out.”

“She’s just like her mother,” said Rebecca. “I heard it all the time, to them she’s just following in her mother’s footsteps. This is just how it was.” 

Mandy said, “She was so high, and I was so angry inside because I was like, what is going on?”

“But Mandy, she really knew Jesus,” said Rebecca.

Mandy said, “Yes, we were praying. Yes, I believed for her healing with every ounce of my being.”

“And she would just encourage me and having someone in my life that actually really cared about me,” said Rebecca.

Over the years, Rebecca went into rehab a number of times only to return to drugs.

“I didn't feel like I deserved to cry out to God, to be honest with you,” said Rebecca. “I didn't feel like He wanted to hear from me. The reason I was using is because I felt so much shame and regret.”    

As much as Rebecca tried, she failed at staying sober. In March of 2018, now 33, Rebecca overdosed a second time after completing rehab. Not knowing how to get rid of the emotional pain she still carried, she attended her sister’s church.

Rebecca said, “I walked in, and I was met with love and acceptance and grace, and I didn't deserve that. I was a mess. And, as we’re getting ready to worship, my friend comes behind me and she just wipes my back. And she goes, Rebecca, shame off you. And in worship, the Lord Jesus himself met me. And He's like, I'm here. I love you. You are fully forgiven. And I feel like it was the first time in my life I actually received that Jesus really loved me. That I could be forgiven no matter what I did in my lowest moment, fully forgiven. And it completely changed my life.”

Back in rehab, she no longer held onto shame because she knew Jesus loved her and would give her strength to overcome.

“Life is hard. Ya, I’m off drugs now. and it's like, everyone can look at my life and be like, oh wow. Like, how, how lucky is she? Or how blessed was she that God met her? And it was like, yes, He met me, but then I had to make choices every single day to, to lean into Jesus,” said Rebecca.

Today, Rebecca is married to Juston. It’s a day at a time for her, walking in Christ’s freedom and love.

“What I believe now is that He loves me. That He died for me so that I could be fully forgiven and live in freedom. And I believe everything He says, every promise. Because I know who He is and I know who I am in Him,” said Rebecca.