Cut the Apron Strings

By Dave Ramsey
Author, The Total Money Makeover

CBN.com – Dear Dave,

I’ve been seriously dating this man for a long time and I love him very much, but his mother controls everything he does. He does everything she says, and even lets her control his finances. I don’t see any outlets for us to ever have much between us that is truly our own. Can you give me any advice?

-- Emily

Dear Emily,

Wow, that’s rough. It’s kind of wimpy for him to let this happen when he’s a grown man. But honestly, there’s not much you can do in a situation like this. He has to make the decision to take control of his life.

Studies show that couples who agree on issues like money, kids, religion and in-laws have a great chance of making a strong, successful marriage that works. I hope you’re not considering walking down the aisle anytime soon, because this guy is definitely not marriage material right now. This doesn’t mean that things can’t change, though, and he doesn’t have to ostracize his mom to do it. But he needs to cut the apron strings and understand that you want a relationship with him – not her.

If I were your dad, I’d be trying to protect my little girl and I’d tell you to give him an ultimatum – it’s either her or you. But you guys have been together for a while, and that warrants some serious sit-down, heart-to-heart time. Tell him about the situation as you see it, and how it makes you feel. You guys can work this out.

-- Dave

What's Net Worth?

Dear Dave,

I hear people in financial circles talking all the time about someone’s “net worth.” What exactly is net worth and what does it mean?

-- Ken

Dear Ken,

Simply put, your net worth is what you own minus what you owe or any debts you have. There are lots of people who use net worth as a gauge of your financial independence, but that’s not necessarily the case. You can have a huge income, but if you’ve got piles of debt, then you’re not very financially independent. You’re still tied to all those payments.

The best way to improve your net worth and every other aspect of your financial life is to get out of debt and save money. When you don’t have any debt and no payments to eat your paycheck, you free up the largest wealth-building tool at your disposal – your income. It’s always better to have that hard-earned money staying in YOUR pocket rather than going into someone else’s.

-- Dave

Is it wrong to force your child to save?

Dear Dave,

My 16-year old daughter has a part-time job, and we make her put $40 from every paycheck into her savings account. She fusses about this every time. Do you think it’s wrong to force your children to save money?

-- Debbie

Dear Debbie,

No, it’s not wrong. Make her save some money if you have to, because it’s for her own good.

Here’s the deal; teenagers are insane. They have these hormones rushing through their bodies, and their brains do not work. They’re going to fuss whether they have a reason or not. It’s our job as parents to be the only sanity in the room, and teach them to do smart things.

At that age she hasn’t earned the right to do stupid things with her money. When they get out on their own, they can do all the dumb stuff they want. But during these years they should learn how to handle money responsibly and according to your rules.

Sure, she’ll keep on fussing because that’s what teenagers are wired to do. But she’ll thank you when she’s 32 – about the time the hormones wear off.

-- Dave

Dave Ramsey is the bestselling author of The Total Money Makeover.