Help From Parents?

By Dave Ramsey
Author, The Total Money Makeover

CBN.com – Dear Dave,

We have $21,000 in credit card debt and ongoing medical expenses for our special-needs child. My husband works very hard, brings in about $25,000 a year and we’re living in a 30-year old trailer. My dad is willing to help us pay off some of the debt and get us moved into a house if we’ll get financial counseling. Is there a better way out this situation?

-- Sheryl in Dallas, TX

Dear Sheryl,

If you’re going to have to make payments to your dad, in other words, if the money is going to be a loan, don’t do it. The borrower is always slave to the lender. If you really want to ruin family events, have debt to your parents. It twists you up inside, makes the food taste funny and it’ll be especially hard on your husband.

Now, if this is going to be a gift and there are no expectations of re-payment being made, that’s a little different. But if you were my child and I wrote you a $21,000 check, I’d expect you to go into financial counseling and start saving money for your child’s future and for yours. That’s only reasonable. You guys obviously aren’t wasteful yuppies spending money right and left, but having a family and raising kids in the Dallas-Fort Worth area on $25,000 a year is tough - even without the credit card bills you’re talking about.

Another thing I’d advise, Sheryl, is that your husband get on a five-year game plan to improve his earning potential. Sit down with him, hold hands and let him know that he can be anything he wants to be. Then, help him decide what he wants to be in five years, what he wants to be making five years down the road and the steps he’s going to take educationally or training-wise to achieve that goal.

He’s a hard-working man, but today’s culture doesn’t always reward just hard work. You’ve got to engage the gray matter a little and boost your brain power, too. You make more money when you PLAN to make more money.

-- Dave

Dear Dave,

Should a family tithe when it would leave them needing a miracle to make it through the rest of the month, or should we get our debt under control and then tithe?

-- Ted via email

Dear Ted,

A tithe is a tenth of your income, which is a Christian mandate. But there’s no place in scripture that says not tithing will send you to hell.

The real question is, what’s the best thing to do and why does God have us to tithe? God doesn’t need our money. He tells us to tithe because of what it does to us on the inside. It keeps us from being so stinking self-centered and believing the world revolves around us. By being less selfish, we’re better humans. We’re also a little more Christ-like when we’re giving.

Should you tithe on your income if you need a miracle to get through the rest of the month? Well, Ted, I think you’re being melodramatic. A tithe is 10 percent, so what are you doing with the other 90 percent? If you can’t live on 90 percent, you probably can’t live on 100 percent.

If you sit down and do a monthly, written budget, you can probably find a way to tithe if it’s that important to you. But don’t get stressed out about it. You do it because you love God, not because you’re freaked out and afraid Big Daddy’s going to come down and thump you on the head. God is crazy about you, and He wants good things for you.

But I think He does smile when you follow His ways, which means you trust Him more than you trust yourself.

I’ll tell you the truth; a few years ago I tithed all the way into bankruptcy court and all the way out. It didn’t save me, but it did make me a God-truster.

-- Dave

Dave Ramsey is the bestselling author of The Total Money Makeover.