- Wearing a mask, you know,

is just putting on what peopleneed to see at the time.

So things are looking good on the outside,

but Hope is still strugglingand does not know why

on the inside.

- [Narrator] Hope Carpenterspent most of her life

wearing a mask for others.

As the wife of a megachurch pastor,

she felt intense pressureto keep up appearances.

- I felt alone a lot in ministry

because I felt like thatI just wasn't worthy.

And I wouldn't portray that,

you know, because yougot to portray perfect.

- Her husband, Pastor Ron Carpenter,

didn't know the extent of the pain

that Hope kept hidden since her childhood,

but he began to see a change in his wife

as the years went on.

- I just saw some things thatwas kind of, they seemed odd

and they seemed likethey weren't in keeping

with the girl that I thought I knew.

- [Narrator] Hope grewup in a Christian home,

but often felt she was unable to meet

the strict expectations of her parents.

- Gotta be good, be good, be the best,

make the best grades, never be late,

never do anything wrong, and if you did,

there was dire consequences.

I felt almost that it was impossible,

you know, to live this Christian life.

- [Narrator] When Hope was 15,

her parents allowed her to go on a date

with a boy from school.

That night, he raped her.

- I was afraid to tell my parents,

so I kept it in, you know,just stuffed it down.

I just began to question myself.

I felt lonely.

- [Narrator] Hope secretlycarried the trauma for years.

She eventually married Ron,

and together, theyfounded Redemption Church,

which grew to become amulti-site megachurch

with tens of thousands of members.

- Things are really moving at this point,

and on the inside, I feellike I'm about to lose it.

I've got to do somethingto make Hope feel okay.

Hope's got to start making decisions.

Hope's never been able to make decisions.

I went out that day and Ibought a two-piece bathing suit.

Ooh, you know, we couldn't do that.

And I bought a six-pack of beer.

And I went and put on thebathing suit and drank the beer.

And for the first time in my life,

35 years old, I felt so free.

And that started a series ofunhealthy choices in my life

that went on for nine years,

just trying to figure out who I was.

- Now we've deterioratedwith me coming home

and nobody's at home.

I would call her cellphone, nobody would answer,

and I'd finally get her at 11:00 at night,

she's in another state.

So I am dealing with a littlebit about what in the world

is going on with my wife.

- [Narrator] Hope's new sense of freedom

drove her to drink andparty to numb her pain,

but nothing she did removedthe trauma of her youth,

and her double lifeeventually led to an affair.

- And I remember in 2013,I couldn't do it anymore.

Ron and I had been fighting

and it just had gotten to a place

our children were really struggling.

And I was unfaithful tomy husband and I told him,

and his response was,"Okay, you got 30 minutes.

Get your stuff and get out."

I remember that devastatedme because I thought, "Wow.

He's been the one steadything in my life."

- That was not because I didn't love her.

She was the only woman I'll ever love.

That was "I can't live this way.

Life with you is too painful."

- [Narrator] Ron announcedhis separation from Hope

before the church body.

Hope, regretting her actions,

knew she needed healingand professional help.

She moved into a Christiancounseling center

in North Carolina to begin the process

of unraveling her years of trauma.

- And she began to remind me

all of the traumatic events in my life.

And she said, "You know, nobody's soul

is made to bear that,and you've kept it in,

you've not shared it."

And it took nine monthsdigging into my heart.

I found peace.

I found answers.

- [Narrator] But she still felt broken

because of her separation from Ron

so she prayed for restoration.

Meanwhile, Ron struggled with God

on his decision to leave Hope.

- I wrestled.

I threw sheets off the bed.

Just an absolute hoursand hours of turmoil.

And I'm sitting in that houseby myself and I get the Bible

and it said, "Love her asChrist loved the church,"

Ephesians 5, and then God said,

"I want you to call your wife

and tell her you will not abandon her."

Man, that was like vinegar in my mouth.

But I picked up that phone.

- I went walking, and theHoly Spirit spoke to me

and said, "I'm gonna give youstrength to keep pressing."

I turned around

and then the pastorcomes walking toward me.

He said, "I've been looking for you.

Ron has called."

- [Narrator] Hope and Ronspoke for hours that night

and committed to the challenge

of restoring trust in their marriage.

Hope later wrote a bookabout their experience,

"The Most Beautiful Disaster."

Ron and Hope say that with God's guidance,

their love is now stronger than ever.

- We went through personal counseling.

We went through family counseling.

That was the long road, rebuilding trust.

What is my life like today?

I have a marriage that is healthy.

I'm a happy man becausewe're healthy inside.

I know God in a rich, new, and a deep way,

and I found out that all those sermons

that I've been preaching really do work.

- Reconciliation was a process.

I was willing to do whatever it took.

And I'm so grateful that I havea husband, that he loved me.

He showed me God's unconditional love.

I just never imagined thatI could ever be this whole.

You know, we're not tryingto strive for perfection.

We just don't wear masks anymore.