- My ninth birthday, I got a diary,

and in the diary I wrote

"I'm going to become a flight attendant

"and I'm gonna travel the world

"and my life is going to be wonderful."

- [Narrator] It was more than a lifestyle,

Renee Silvestri wasafter, it was an escape.

She grew up in a smalltown, just outside Chicago,

the middle child of three sisters.

It seemed nothing she did would please

her strict German mother.

- Love or feeling love was not something

that was part of the ammo in the house.

It was more the chores and the discipline

and making sure youdidn't do anything wrong.

It definitely felt I had to be perfect

if I did something, if I slipped up,

there would be a consequence.

- [Narrator] In her diary,Renee wrote of her dreams.

A life that would giveher an escape and more.

- I will live in London,

and then I will getdiscovered on a airplane

I'll start acting.

So this is what I set beforemyself to escape my sad life.

And I thought, once I get out of there

then I'll be loved and I'll be adored,

and people will pay attention to me.

- [Narrator] Then, when Renee was 14,

her parents divorced.

Her father moved to anotherstate and remarried.

- I just felt like, wow, he'sjust replaced the family.

- [Narrator] After highschool, Renee achieved her goal

of becoming a flight attendantand traveling the world.

Five years later at 23, shemet famed actor and director

Dennis Hopper on a flight.

As if on cue, he gave her apart in his upcoming movie.

Within weeks, she was living the life

of a Hollywood actress.

- Then I was offered a bit part on 90210

and then another jobagain on Melrose Place

so I kept getting these great little roles

on these great shows,

but it was not making me feel complete.

And so then that kept meon another journey of,

well, surely if I getmarried, I'll feel fulfilled.

- [Narrator] A few yearslater Renee married

a wealthy businessmanin the jewelry trade.

- I had so much insecuritybuilt into myself

from growing up that I wanted to feel safe

and loved and adored.

- [Narrator] Then, shehad a son, and it appeared

all of Renee's dreams were coming true.

- I should have beenso happy, but I wasn't.

It was about my things,it was about my status,

it was about my home and my lifestyle.

And that's how narcissistic my world was.

- [Narrator] So her searchfor fulfillment continued

and she left her husband for another man.

- I thought, surely this man loves me more

and will give me more love

and more adoration and more safety.

- [Narrator] Eventually,Renee gave up acting.

Over the next 13 years,she would marry and divorce

three more times and have another son.

She never found the loveand safety she craved.

- I was just so tiredof the act in the circus

that I was living, and I had been through

all those marriages andthat whole big life.

It just wasn't fulfilling for me

as I thought it would be.

- [Narrator] By 2014,Renee was living on her own

raising her two sons, now aged 10 and 18.

- Everything was at the lowestpoint in my life right then,

I was just beat down.

We were in this house on a hill

and every time I droveto the bottom of the hill

I noticed this churchand I just kept feeling

like I was supposed to go in that church.

- [Narrator] One Sunday, whenher boys were with their dads,

she decided to go.

- The minute I walked in there,

I just felt like I neverwanted to leave that sanctuary.

The lyrics, the music, I justfelt like these are my people.

- [Narrator] Drawn by thecommunity of love and acceptance,

she started taking hersons to church every week.

A few months later, Reneewent forward for prayer

and told a woman she was at her end.

- I was at such a low point and she said,

"It doesn't matter, justtell me what's going on."

And I told her a little and she said,

"Don't you know that God loves you."

I had never heard that before

and I couldn't even accept that.

And so she said, "Let me pray for you."

And I asked Jesus into my heart.

- [Narrator] Even then,Renee had a hard time

believing what she said.

- How could God love me afterI did all that crazy stuff.

And, so I went for a walk and I said,

"All right God, if thisis true and you love me

"you're gonna have to show me a sign."

And I got to my house and I look down

and I see this perfect heart shaped leaf,

so I just felt like the Lord was saying,

"I love you, and here's my sign."

My life drastically changedfrom that day forward

I felt so peaceful, soin control of my life

for the first time I wasn'tfeeding off of someone

for their love, I was now feeling

the peace and the love from God.

- [Narrator] In 2017,Renee remarried Nando,

her younger son's father.

She also reconciled with her parents.

She's currently training tobecome a christian counselor

and often speaks towomen's groups about Jesus.

- His peace will come over you

if you just ask Him into your heart.

He'll forgive you of all your sins

and your shame will begone because it's all okay.

he'll forgive it alland you can start fresh.