- There was always policeofficers involved in our family.

There's always shootings,domestic violence issues.

- [Narrator] Violence and chaos ruled

in Sarah Amijo's home.

Too often as a little girl

she watched her dad andeventually her stepdad

both drug addicts, abuse her mother.

- He'd always hit her.

He'd call her names.

He grabbed her by her hair.

I just remember my momscreaming and crying.

And I got up to go lookto see what was going on

and he was choking her in the corner,

and he choked her until she passed out.

- [Narrator] But her momwasn't the only victim.

- I had gotten molested already

by the time I was six by several people.

So I was always afraid of getting hurt.

I was afraid of everything and everybody.

- [Narrator] On top of thefear was the pain of rejection

from those in her life, including her mom.

- My mom used to always tell me

she would have aborted mewhen she had the chance to.

- [Narrator] Looking toescape the chaos and pain,

Sarah tried to kill herselftwice by the time she was 18.

Her first attempt was in third grade.

- I just didn't like myself at all.

Like I couldn't even look in the mirror

because I just felt sojust ugly and not wanted.

I just felt worthless.

- [Narrator] So it was easyfor her to fall for a man

she met when she was 16, anex-con and recovering addict.

He was kind and affectionate.

For a while Sarah felt safe and loved.

And after she got pregnantand moved in with him,

he relapsed.

- He started being very abusive.

He raped me.

He would choke me.

He would just knock medown to like I was nothing

He would tell me to look in the mirror

and he'd point out everythingthat was wrong about me.

And he told me thatnobody will ever like me.

- [Narrator] The feelings of worthlessness

and pain resurfacing.

Sarah looked for another escape.

This time through drugs and alcohol

that would lead to an addiction to crack.

- I just want it to numb the pain.

I didn't want to feel pain no more.

I was just so tired of feeling pain.

- [Narrator] Sarah would falleven deeper into addiction

after her boyfriendhallucinating on drugs,

cut himself jumpingthrough a window and died.

But soon she married another abusive man,

also an addict and had a second child.

One day, Sarah startedhallucinating and became violent

in what appeared to bea psychotic breakdown.

Requiring first respondersto be called in to intervene.

- I just remember somebodygrabbing me like this

and I turned around and Ilooked, and I'm telling you this

wasn't a person, this was a demon.

It was a demons face.

I'd lost my mind I guess you could say.

- [Narrator] Sarah was takento a psychiatric facility

where she began the painfulprocess of drug withdrawal.

In that time, doctors diagnosed her

with PTSD, anxiety andborderline personality disorder.

- It was just pure hell.

I'm scared, I don't know going on.

I don't know, I was seeing demons.

I was seeing a lot of things.

- [Narrator] In her desperation,

she remembered what she'dheard in her childhood,

a word of hope and light

in her otherwise very dark existence.

- My grandma used to pray.

She'd read her Bible to us.

She would teach us about the Lord.

She would take us to church.

I knew from what she taughtme about calling out to God.

He's the only one I hadand I had a Bible there.

So I was crying and I waspleading with God to help me.

- [Narrator] After herrelease from the hospital,

Sarah was given two years probation

and mandated to attend numerousmental health programs.

None of which worked.

Now divorced and raisingtwo children alone,

Sarah reached out toGod again, but she still

believed a husband wouldfill her need to be loved.

- Okay Lord, this is it.

If I ever get married again, you pick him.

You choose him for me becauseI am so bad at picking.

And I just need your help,I need your guidance.

And I don't want to be alone.

I want to be married.

- [Narrator] It wasn'tlong before Sarah met Rick,

a Christian.

They married and she also swore off drugs.

But in time she began torealize she needed more

than a husband to erasethe pain of her past.

- I didn't want to feelthe pain of the truth

that was going on within me.

I was just tired of my old ways.

The old ways of thinking,the old ways of doing things.

- [Narrator] That day wouldcome at a counseling program

at her church.

- I finally started saying,all right Lord, I surrender.

I'm surrendering.

I need your help.

I need your strength.

I can't do this by myself.

I need to let go of the past.

I need to let go of the old me.

- [Narrator] Sarah saysthrough her faith in Christ

she found forgiveness,and the years of pain

and drug abuse fell away,healed by God's love and grace.

Today, she serves as a lead counselor

at her church and studyingto become an advocate

for survivors of domestic violence.

- Jesus is all we need.

Like drugs, partying, all that stuff

in the world doesn't matterbecause it doesn't fulfill you.

The only true one that fulfills you

and helps you and loves you,

truly loves you is Jesus.