The Christian Broadcasting Network

Browse Videos

Share Email

Surrendering to Peace

Jeremy suffered PTSD stemming from childhood and the Iraq war. It wasn’t until he surrendered to God that everything changed for him. Read Transcript


- I remember being 21 yearsold when I got to Iraq

and just hoping and prayingevery day that I'd see 22.

- [Narrator] ArmySpecialist Jeremy Harrell

was deployed to the frontlines

when the Iraq war broke out in 2003.

The miserable conditionsand constant danger

quickly took its toll.

- I had to get to a placewhere I had to accept death

just in case it happened

so that I could quit worrying about it.

- [Narrator] Jeremy expectedthe Army to be his ticket

out of a childhood of poverty and abuse

but the realities ofwar forced that trauma

back to the surface.

- My childhood wasalmost like a combat zone

'cause I'm feeling someof these same emotions.

I often felt like a burden.

There was feelings of beingunloved in that as well

because when you feellike you're a burden,

you don't feel love.

- [Narrator] So fresh out of high school,

Jeremy escaped to the Army.

In bootcamp, he had structure, stability

and three meals a day.

- The feelings that it brought to me was

the feeling of belonging,the feeling of purpose.

I felt important for thefirst time in my life.

I felt needed.

While there, Jeremy also accepted

Jesus Christ into his heart.

Throughout bootcamp,he drew closer to God.

But after he deployed to Iraq,

he became overwhelmed by the brutality

and ugliness of war.

- I had a moment out inthe middle of the desert

that I'm not very proud ofbut I remember screaming

at the top of my lungs,really cursing God and saying,

"If you're so powerful,

"if you really are

"sovereign overeverything, then why this?"

- [Narrator] Doubtscontinued to plague him

over his 15 month tour.

When he finally returned home,

Jeremy didn't recognize himself.

- I just noticed I was different.

I noticed that I'd become more of a person

who liked to isolate.

I come home with residual anger

and I just, I really struggledto adapt back to life.

I wasn't as compassionate as I used to be.

I wasn't as caring or nurturing.

I had this numbness about me

where I didn't care what happened.

- [Narrator] Three shortlived marriages didn't help.

And when he was dischargedfrom the army in 2008,

Jeremy felt completely worthless.

- I felt like I lost my identity.

I just really couldn't stand who I was

at that point in my life.

I was still in survival mode.

I was still just trying tomake it to the next hour

not even considering the future,

not even considering my kids or my family,

but just what could I do toget through this next hour

so that I don't do somethingto myself that is harmful.

(machine gun firing)

- [Narrator] Jeremy wasdiagnose with dual trauma PTSD,

stemming from hischildhood and the Iraq war.

- I do remember leaving the hospital

and feeling very like a broken person.

I wasn't able to do simple things,

like there was days Ididn't wanna get outta bed.

- [Narrator] He triedmedication and therapy

but nothing helped himovercome his depression

and suicidal thoughts.

- I felt honestly likeI was a casualty of war

even though I didn't die

but then I started to again get back

into that victim mentalityand that anger of, "God, why?"

Like, "Why do I have to have this now?"

Like, "Didn't I suffer enough?"

Like, "Didn't I suffer enough as a child?"

Like, "Didn't I suffer enough in combat?

"Why now do I have to continue to suffer?"

(dramatic music)

- [Narrator] In 2017, Jeremyattended an equine therapy camp

for PTSD in Upstate New York.

On site, he found a chapeland after a few days,

felt compelled to go inside.

- I went in and started to pray

by saying what I consider a generic prayer

but then it changed.

Something changed in my heart.

I just remember the prayergoing to, "I submit to you.

"God, I submit to you.

"I deny myself.

"I want you to use me in your Kingdom."

Like, "I'm ready, Ineed this, I want this,

"I love you.

"I want you to intervene.

"I want you to fill me fromhead to toe with your spirit."

I felt the incredible senseof peace and love of God

and I felt like I wasjust given the answer

to all of life's problems.

- [Narrator] Jeremy alsosays he no longer felt

the effects of his PTSD.

- He's freed me from that pain.

He's freed me from thatfeeling of helplessness

and hopelessness and so the PTSD is there.

Things still happen.

I don't foresee that ever going away

but He's allowed me to manage that

in a way that I couldn't on my own.

- [Narrator] A couple years later,

Jeremy opened his ownequine therapy facility

to share the love of Jesuswith fellow soldiers.

- Now I believe 100% it was that prayer

that I prayed in New York

when I intentionally andtruly meant what I said

when I said Jesus use me.

- [Narrator] Today,Jeremy is happily married

and loves to share the joy and peace

that comes from fully surrendering to God.

- He loves you.

He wants to be in your life.

He wants total controlbecause He wants you

to get the most out of your life.

Nothing will compare to the joy that God

puts in our bodies and in our hearts

when we wanna live the waythat He intends for us to live.

(uplifting music)

EMBED THIS VIDEO

Related Podcasts


CBN.com | Do You Know Jesus? | Privacy Notice | Prayer Requests | Support CBN | Contact Us | Feedback
© 2012 Christian Broadcasting Network