- When I look back on my lifeI just think in so many ways

that I was the typical American kid,

really until I wasn't any longer.

Early on in childhood playing sports,

that was really what life was all about.

And I have a lot of greatmemories of childhood,

but one of the thingsthat stands out the most

is stress at home and pain at home,

and then just a whole lotof pressure to perform,

to be the best at baseball,be the best at football.

I got a scholarship to play baseball

at Virginia CommonwealthUniversity in Richmond, Virginia.

What I realized was a lot of that anger

that I had building up inside

from things that happened in my childhood

just allowed me to start doing things,

and experimenting with alcohol,

and with drugs, and with things like that.

Ended up going from having ascholarship my freshman year

to being cut from thebaseball team my senior year.

In the years after college,

my life really spiraled out of control

as I went from using cocaine,

and was using it all the time, to selling,

and the spiral just deepened and worsened,

and my life got moreand more out of control.

I knew that if I kept goingthe direction I was going

I was gonna end up either dead or in jail,

and I wanted meaning, I wanted purpose,

I wanted structure in my life,

and so I joined the Coast Guard.

I thought that my bigproblem was outside of me

and if I could just getaway then I can fix myself.

And when we hit port in Alaska,

I'm out on the town doingthe exact same things.

Drinking till I can'tremember things anymore,

chasing after women,living that lifestyle,

and it started to causereal anxiety, real panic.

I started realizing, I can't change.

But it was at that first unit

that the Lord really startedmaking himself known to me

thorough the first Christian

that I really ever recallmeeting in my life.

It wasn't just that hetalked to me about Jesus,

he had a genuine joy about himand I wanted that in my life.

Towards the end of 2009,

I had been listening tosermons online, trying to put

the bigger pieces of theChristian message together,

and I still thought that Christianity

was about just being a good person.

And I really startedtrying to change myself,

but by the time New Year's rolls around

and I get back down to Richmond, Virginia

to celebrate New Year's,

I dove back in head first

to all of the things that I had been doing

before I left Richmondfor the Coast Guard,

and things that I thoughtI had gotten free from

and broken away from.

What I realized the nextday was I am no different,

and I just felt trappedlike, this is all pointless.

These sermons are pointless,these books are pointless,

following Jesus is pointless,because I'm not changing.

When I got back home tomy apartment in Maryland

from that trip toRichmond after New Year's,

I pulled up a sermon bya guy named John Piper.

I just thought, maybeit'll make me feel better,

maybe it'll make me feel like

I can get back on my feet and try again.

I didn't even know at thetime what was in John 3:16,

but I just saw, here'sa sermon on John 3:16.

As he was describing howyou respond to this verse,

you'll either live foreverin hell under God's judgment,

or you'll live forever with God in heaven.

It was right in between those two comments

and me thinking and knowing in my mind

that I was going to go to hell,

and I deserved to go to hell,

I could just feel time slow down

and the crushing weight of my sin,

I could just feel it pressing down on me.

And then, in the next moment,

the pressure, the weightof my sin, just feel off

and it was replaced bythe belief, the truth,

that Jesus is Lord.

It was in an instant

that my heart was just filledwith joy and with hope.

It was almost like Godwas just showing me,

"John, you have been trying

"for years, and years, and years."

"You've been looking for joy,you've been looking for hope,

"and you will not find it,

"but look at what I can do in a minute."

And that's what he did.

He gave me a new heart in a moment.

These desires that I had to drink,

and to do drugs, and to chase women,

the things just feel away

and I woke up the nextday a brand new person.

When I saw what God waswiling to forgive me of

and the grace that he waswilling to extend to me,

it changed my heart

and it helped me to see everyonearound me in a new light.

I'm just so grateful forwhat God has done in my life

and just be able to share that forgiveness

with another person.