- [Man] Anne Beiler, creator

of the famous Auntie Anne's

pretzel franchise is known

for her success,

yet what many don't know

is the devastation she endured before it,

when her 19 month olddaughter Angie was killed.

- My sister was driving a Bobcat

and hauling sand,

and as she was doingthat she didn't see Angie

that morning,

and when she turned theBobcat to go forward

she saw Angie in front of the Bobcat.

She was killed instantly that morning.

- [Man] In her bookThe Secret Lies Within,

Anne recounts her story of loss,

the years of sexual abuse

she endured at the hand of her pastor,

and how the power ofconfession saved her life.

- With me now is Anne Beiler.

It is so wonderful to have you here.

- Thank you, Terry,

I'm delighted to be with you.

- You grew up in a loving family,

but a family where,

and a culture within the context

of your family and your community,

where emotions weren't overt.

I mean you didn't really talk about

what was going on in your heart,

you kind of just put on your boots

and dealt with it.

- Just kind of get over it.

You know I don't remember

ever coming home from school

and telling my mom

that somebody was unkind to me

or,

we just didn't talk about those things.

On the flip side of that

was as a family of 10

we talked about a lot of things

because around the dinner table

it was like craziness and fun.

So somehow we missed outon this really talking

about things that bothered us.

And we pretty much just kind

of sucked it in,

and just kind of get over it.

- That is kind of the way

of the Amish/Mennonite community

so it felt normal.

- It was very normal.

- I mean nobody was doing it, right?

- Absolutely.

- So now you marry your husband,

you become youth pastors

and everything is going great,

and then there's a tragedy

pretty early on in your marriage.

- Mm-hmm.

- Tell us what happened.

- Yeah you know, Terry, I grew up

wanting to be a good girl.

I wanted to please my mom and dad,

and I wanted to please God.

And so I really wasn'tprepared for tragedy.

And September the 8th, 1975,

that's a long time ago,

but I remember every detaillike it was yesterday.

So when Angela walked out

of my front door

of my little double wide trailer

and was walking over to my mom's house

for her second breakfast,

which she did every morning,

I watched her walk away.

And just turned around

and I thought well I'll call mom

and tell her she's on her way.

We lived out in the country

so it was.

- [Terry] Safe.

- Private.

Yes.

And when I reached for the phone

I heard all the crazy screaming

and immediately I knew,

my heart knew that Angie was gone.

I just had that sense.

- She had been hit, run over really,

by a farm.

- Correct.

- Vehicle.

- Yeah, my sister was driving the Bobcat

and hauling sand for my dad

and didn't see Angie that morning

until she turned the Bobcat around.

- So here you are not having learned

how to express emotion openly,

and now you suffer probably one

of the most traumaticthings a parent can suffer,

a mother can suffer,

the loss of your child.

How'd you deal with that?

- Not very well.

I just did what I always did.

And Jonas and I, you know,

we talked about the accident,

we would talk aboutwhat happened that day,

but we weren't able toverbalize how we felt.

I would never have said to him

I'm really sad today.

There were days I know that we would say

I miss Angie today,

but there was never any feeling words

to really describe thedepth of our feeling.

So we over time just thegreat wall of China was built,

it was firmly in place,

and there was really no connection.

- So your pastor offered to come

and help you walk through this.

And what happened then?

- Yeah and we were livingin a time in our lives

we were spiritually just,

we were in relationship with Christ

was just foremost in our hearts

and walking this journey with God

that was happenedrelationship versus religion.

And in this place it wasa very vibrant church,

and everyone loved the pastor.

And when I went to seehim I was actually able

to talk about my feelings.

It was amazing.

And before I left his office

he took advantage of me that morning,

and I decided right at the moment

that this would be my secret

that I would keep forever.

What I didn't realize was that secret

was beginning to holdme hostage even then.

It kept me in a sevenyear long relationship.

- Usually the perpetrator

of something like that knows

that there's a reasonpeople won't out them.

- Absolutely.

- You went through years of abuse,

what made you actually come forward?

- Well I was sick and tired

of being sick and tired.

I weighed 98 pounds

and was falling apart from the inside out,

was unhealthy, and was a terrible mother.

I was emotionally absent from my kids.

I was in the house,

but emotionally absent.

And I don't know, my desperation

just to, I didn't know what to do.

And believing all the time

that I was certainly unforgivable,

unlovable and unchangeable.

But I had the courage one day

to get up off my knees

and confess to my husband,

which was the bravest thing

that I had ever done in my entire life

up to that point,

and took so much courage

and just plain out guts

because I did not want to tell anyone.

- But it was the beginningof healing, really.

It was a small window that began to open,

but it was the only light in the darkness

that you lived in emotionally.

It took a lot of courage to do that.

You say there are three kinds

of confessions that are significant

in our beginning the healing process,

share those.

- Absolutely.

I learned that

bedside prayers is always a safe place,

and we do that in our pain.

And it's the right thing to do,

and Jesus always hears us.

I stayed on my knees for seven years

and begged him to deliver me.

The second type of confession

is found in journaling,

like David did in Psalms.

And we love him because he was

so real and raw and honest.

And that really is a very therapeutic,

it is very good to be able to do that.

It helps you through.

But the one to another confession

found in James 5:16 is the power.

And that's what I began to live.

- Well one of the thingsthat I think happens

when you do that is

when there's a secret

and you think nobody knows it

you feel safe from the secret,

but the shame that comes with all of that

just builds and builds and builds.

How did telling someone face to face,

your Jonas was the beginning of that,

your husband,

how did that break the bondage of shame?

- You know I don't understand the power

of confession,

but I'm telling you it works.

And the morning `that I told my husband

there was something thathappened to me inside,

there was a spark of hope inside

of me that I hadn'tfelt in years and years

I didn't think was even possible.

But as I was able to just be real

and raw and honest with my husband,

that confession changedthe trajectory of my life.

And it's really found in John.

He talks about bring yourdeeds into the light.

If you walk in the light,

as he is in the light,

then you will have fellowship

one with another.

And then the blood of Jesus Christ

cleanses us from all sin.

It's all about bringingour deeds into the light.

And that broke the power of my secret.

- The power of the enemy.

- Amen.

- Fear and shame.

- Absolutely.

- Holds many, many of us there.

Don't let that happen to you.

If you're struggling withissues in your own life

and you feel shame or guilt,

get it out in the open,

it's the beginning of healing.

Learn more from Anne.

Her book is called The Secret Lies Within

An Inside Out Look at Overcoming Trauma

and Finding Purpose in the Pain,

it's available in stores nationwide.

Anne, thank you for sharing your story.

- [Anne] My great pleasure, Terry,

thank you.