- Gold Star describes afamily member who has lost

a loved one in the military.

Parent, spouses and children

are the most validated in their grief,

but siblings are often forgotten.

Take a look.

- [Narrator] Renee Nickell gota call on December 14th, 2011

saying her brother, US MarineCorps Major Samuel Griffith

was killed in combat in Afghanistan.

Her world came crashing down.

After his death, Renee lost all hope.

She struggled for years with PTSD

which nearly wrecked her marriage.

She even contemplated suicide.

Renee says her faith helped her heal

and become a voice forother Gold Star siblings.

She shares memories of her brother

in her book Always My Hero.

- Please welcome to The700 Club Renee Nickell.

Renee, it's wonderful to have you here.

- Thank you so much for having me.

- Your book is entitled Always My Hero.

Tell us about yourrelationship with your brother.

- My brother, well he'stwo years older than,

he was two years older than I.

- [Terry] So he's the big brother.

(laughing)

- He was, yes, and you know,we grew up in the mountains

of Pennsylvania and we just always found

new adventures to have together.

My parents worked allthe time and we just...

My mom and my dad divorcedwhen we were very young,

and so we just reallybonded with each other.

And we went through hard times,

we went through fun times, but we were

just very, very close growing up.

- Now often, when a siblingis older, we look up to them

and see them maybe, as bigger than life.

You saw Sam as really invincible.

I mean, why did youfeel that way about him?

- Well he just set his mind to

doing great things.

And he always accomplished those things.

And so, I didn't reallyfeel like there was a task

that he couldn't take onand that he couldn't do.

And so, I just gravitated towards him

and I just looked up to him so much.

- So on the day that we talked about

in that lead-in piece that we showed,

the phone call came, tell me what happened

and what you were feelingas you went through that.

- Well that morning, it was December 14th

and I got my kids readyfor school and we were,

I was gonna go Christmas shopping'cause I hadn't gone yet.

And my phone rang at 7:30 in the morning

and I look at thenightstand and it was my mom

and I'm thinking, why would my mom

be calling me at this early?

But I always loved talking to her,

so I just picked up thephone and was like, hi Mom.

And I just heard her crying.

And in that moment--- Did you know right away?

- I felt like my brother had been injured

and that he was cominghome in that split second.

And so, when my momfinally slowed her speech

and told me that he had been killed,

I just dropped the phone and collapsed.

It was earth-shattering.

- Why, when that was over, I mean,

just trying to process that

when the person isn't even there.

I mean, it's almost like they've died,

but making it real isa challenge in itself.

In the process of griefthat automatically follows

the loss of someone that you love,

you felt like, as asibling, you were forgotten.

Talk about that because that'swhat the whole book is about.

And most of us don't think about that.

- Right, well when I was going through it,

I just felt that therewas not enough support

or acknowledgement for the sibling grief.

I would go to church, or Iwould encounter other people

and they take your arm andthey look you in the eye

and they say, "How areyour parents doing?"

And I was in the midst ofthe most horrible grief

that I had ever endured and I was like,

wait, don't you see me?

And so, when I decided to write this book,

I just felt, I have to bea voice for the sibling.

It's not like we're tryingto out-sad each other.

And one relationship isn'tmore important than the other,

we're all just trying to make it through.

- What was the lowest point for you?

When did you realize this is too big

for me to solve by myself?

- The lowest point was about

four months after he was killed.

I had been training forthe Marine Corps 10K.

I started college a month after he died.

I was just filling my time with things

and then about four monthsafter, I just crashed and burned

and I just got terribly depressed.

I was having suicidal thoughts.

And my husband stepped in and he said,

"We have to do something."

- What did you do?

- Well I startedantidepressants, was one thing.

And then I just starteda course of therapy.

And it was actually several years,

I just continued findingthat person who helps

and so it was a long series of work.

- Along the way, have you metother siblings who have said,

"Yes, I was feeling thesame thing that you did,"?

- Well, since the book has come out,

I get emailed all the time,"Thank you for sharing

"your story, that's exactly how I felt",

or "I haven't been able toput my feelings into words."

So that keeps me goingbecause it's really hard

to talk about and continue to talk about.

But those emails and thosemessages and the friendships

that I have now, that they'relike siblings to me now.

- You know, it's hardfor people when the loss

hasn't been theirs tounderstand the length of time

that it takes for someone to work through

that kind of loss and grief.

And I'm sure that's very frustrating

when you're the personwho's experienced the loss

when everybody expectslife to just get over

and for you to get back on the bandwagon.

What advice would you give to all of us

when we know someone who has lost

a loved one in the military?

How do we best respond to that?

- Well, we just have toapproach people with grace

and there's no timetable for grief.

We grieve our whole livesbecause that person isn't there.

We know that we'll seethem in Heaven one day,

but the missing them is intense at times.

And you know, I think we just need

to love people where they are.

We need to just offer a shoulder to cry on

and not necessarily wordsthat will try to fix them.

We just need to tell themthat we're there for them.

- There really aren't any words

to fix in a moment like that.

Well, you know, most of usknow someone who is serving

in the military and if wedo, that means there's always

the possibility that they may not

come home from their service.

Renee's book is called Always My Hero.

And the subtitle is TheRoad to Hope and Healing

Following My Brother'sDeath in Afghanistan.

It's a good book for all of us as we live

with the family and friendsthat serve in our military

and able to respond totheir families appropriately

if needed, prayerfully not needed.

But thank you, a wonderful book.