God Chose Me: A Pastor’s Battle with Anxiety and Hope

LOVED AT OUR LOWEST 

“For as long as I can remember, there has been a war going on inside of me.  A quiet yet tumultuous war between two stories.”  Charles says in one story, he was happy, full of life, and making the best choices for his life.  In the other, he cast off responsibility and did what he pleased.  “I believed that something was broken or missing in me and that there was no chance I would ever find the missing pieces that everyone else seemed to have,” he admits.  He refers to it as an internal loneliness that began at a very young age.

In April of 2020, as the pandemic wreaked havoc throughout the world, 26-year-old Charles felt the pressures of life everyone did: being stuck at home, lacking socialization – including church services, and worrying about his young family, which included an expectant wife and young son.  He says God’s voice drifted into the background and all the worries of life took over.  “I could no longer see His hand or feel His love.  I grew cold, empty, and hopeless …”  Charles describes the physical toll those pressures took: “I would shake, struggle to breathe, fall to my knees and cry out for my wife, who would come running to hold me until I stopped trembling.  It was my first time experiencing the humiliation and debilitation of panic attacks.”  Along with the attacks came suicidal thoughts, though he never acted on them.  Then came one night in late April which he’ll remember forever.  He’d been fighting the demons of worry all day, and was spent.  In their bedroom closet, his mind started to spin, his heart to pound, his legs gave out, and he fell to the floor.  His wife, Abby, helped him into bed …”where I curled into the fetal position, shaking and crying uncontrollably.  In an effort to end the terror, I closed my eyes and drifted into a panicked sleep.”  He awoke at 2:00 am to find several of his friends around him, including his co-pastor, Michael Todd and his wife, whom Abby had called for help.  The close friends ministered to Charles for the next two hours.  “They spoke life-giving words over me, and left notes all over the house, encouraging me toward light and hope.”

The battle didn’t end that night, Charles says, but it did give him fresh hope when more panic attacks and fears came his way.  What slowly turned things around for him were “a long journey of counseling, accountability, rest, and finding out who I really was.”  For several months, Charles saw a counselor and checked in with friends twice a week, and lightened his work schedule.  Over the next year, he built achievable habits that helped stabilize him, e.g. gratitude, choosing his attitude, prayer, and of course, reading Scripture.  “But what I want to highlight is this: I was loved at my lowest.  That’s the moment I found out I am loved.  That’s when I knew God Chose Me.”       

A “GOD CHOSE ME” LIFE 

Charles marvels over the fact that the God of the universe knows everything about him and still chose him.  He says that truth should radically change the way believers think about themselves and their purpose.  “He knows that you have broken your word countless times.  He knows the things you don’t share with anyone.  He knows the bad things in your head and heart.  He knows everything about you and He still chose you.”  The implications of this truth are life-changing, he says.  “This understanding waters our soul with the love and acceptance we need to grow a life of beauty and confidence.  You do not have to hide or change to receive love.  And when you know this, it changes you.  To be fully known and fully loved releases the human soul from its cage of fear and insecurity.  We can live with a confidence that cannot be tainted by the world because it is a gift of a divine God,” he says.  

Which leads to the matter of identity.  Charles states that God’s children’s true worth, as defined by Him alone, is not rooted in worldly measures.  He urges believers to disconnect from the world’s value system, based on success, approval, and performance, and instead anchor our confidence in God’s Word and His leading.  Knowing that God chose and loves them, he explains, transforms how they see themselves and empowers them to live authentically, free from self-doubt and rejection.  A healthy sense of identity, Charles says, shapes our resilience and relationships, enabling us to build meaningful relationships and recover from setbacks.  

PUTTING IT INTO PRACTICE

Charles offers six “anchors” that will help believers bask in the truth that God chose them.  He says they need to remind themselves they are chosen, known, loved, accepted, and then believe and confess these truths.  As to the latter, Charles says, “I have discovered that in the process of making our decisions, we often need to water our choice with the power of confession.  When your confession changes, so do your beliefs – and when your belief changes, so do your actions.  The secret to sustaining a belief is consistent confession.  The life you are living is the direct result of your confessions.”  He encourages Christians to practice speaking what God’s Word says about them with phrases such as, “I am capable, I can grow and change, I am loved and even liked, I am not the sum of my failures, I can do hard things,” and “By God’s grace, today can be a better day.”  Charles points out that words like these are not empty positivity or self-reliance.  “These statements are written with the understanding that you cannot do anything by yourself.  That without Christ you do not have the strength, peace, and purpose that you need. You do not have all the answers, but empowered by His Spirit, you can do all things!”  

Another way to live out the reality that God chose me, Charles explains, is to rely on the community of believers.  “It can’t be just you and Jesus,” he says.  “Usually what that means is we have failed to steward our relationships properly – they have fallen apart, and now we use ‘me and Jesus’ as an excuse to do our own thing and get checked by no one.  But just you and Jesus is not how Jesus intended it.  In fact, that is the very opposite of what He desires and how Jesus Himself lived His life.”  Charles believes God will bring the right people at the right time.  “God has graciously supplied me with friends who have supported me, encouraged me, and helped me follow Jesus.  He has brought the right people at the right time when I needed them.  I have not had a ton of friends, but I have always had the right friends.  The truth is, no matter how strong you are, no matter how influential you are, no matter how important you may be, you need people.”   
 

For more information on Charles Metcalf or to purchase his book click the LINK! 

CREDITS

Author, God Chose Me (Waterbrook, 2025) / Executive Pastor, Transformation Church since 2018, overseeing the in-person and online ministry efforts / Pastor, Eden Church, 2017, one year / Youth Pastor, Life Church, 2013-2016 / Married to Abby, father of a son and three daughters: Arlo, Luna, Jade, and Blue