Jesus Healed Years of Hatred Toward His Father

I watched him as a child chasing my mom around the house with a knife. I watched him, so physically abuse her that had we stayed any longer, my mom would probably have been had been beaten to death. I mean, that was how horrible the situation was.

And it really developed within my heart, Like I say, from a very young age, a sense of anger that one day, you know, I want to take his life. One day when I grow up and I become strong enough, what he has done to us, I'm going to do it worse onto him. I didn’t want to let go of the unforgiveness. I hated my dad. 

I became violent towards people around me. And I felt no one understands me. No one has the solution to this. I was becoming like the very one I was judging, and I couldn't stop it.

The unforgiveness and the rage and anger I was having in my heart was a poison that was killing me from the inside. And so for many years, I just felt I could not live. I could not function emotionally, Even though we escaped from Iran, I could not escape from the pain. I was still in that prison.

We as Muslims of that time, we were serving in Islam. when my mom comes home and she says, ‘You know, Kevin, Jesus is the son of the living God. He's the Messiah. And, I love him, and he's your Heavenly Father.’ 

She was a brand-new person in Jesus. I mean, I see the the change, but, you know, it's not really for me. I just didn't want to believe in it. I believe the world is evil, and I couldn't understand the concept of loving God, even though I wanted to believe it. I don't want to have anything to do with Him, and I don't think he wants anything to do with me. 

And so she prayed for me, for almost six, some years until I really met Jesus which was in a conference in Armenia. Something in me longed for, If there is a Father in Heaven, if he truly loves me, I want to know Him. 

And I just said, ‘God, My mom says that you love me. My mom says that I don't have to hold on to the pain and anger. If you are real, I want to know you for myself. If you can do something, do something for me.’

In that moment. The only way I can explain it is as Jesus stood in front of me and he reached into my heart, he removed from your heart of stone and place with me heart of flesh. And it was like he turned the faucet on and I just cried. For two solid days I cried. All of the anger, all the things that I was feeling from the inside was really, slowly starting a process of healing in my heart. And I felt I'm really born again at that time. I don't know how to explain it. He was no longer just the God of my mom, but He became my God.

he said, ‘Kevin, I have forgiven you, so you must forgive your father’. And I said, ‘but, Lord, like you didn't see what he did to me and my mom?” He said, ‘I know I'm not saying that what he did was justified.’ And he said, ‘Kevin, forgiveness is not an emotion, is a decision. And if you take the decision to forgive your dad, I will deal with the pain and the brokenness. I forgave you, I have compassion on you. So why don't you do the same?’

The first thing I did verbally say, ‘I forgive my father.’ And in that moment when I release them, that was the beginning point of a journey of reconciliation that took place in my life with my dad. 

I had already forgiven him. But I needed to face him, share with him what my heart was and say to him, ‘I release you, I forgive you.’ when I look at him in his eyes, I did not feel any resentment, hatred, rage or any form of need to hurt him. I just felt compassion, a love for him. And even though he didn't acknowledge it, I believe with all of my heart that was something that took place in my heart, that became another stepping stone, of being more healthy in my walk with Him and towards my relationship with people around me.

And now I'm able to talk to him face to face and I realized something. The reason God told me to forgive him was not for him. It was for me.

When I forgave him, I was more free as a son in my relationship with my Heavenly Dad. And I just felt awesome. 

That’s when I realized the amazing work our Lord Jesus can do when we just allow him to enter into our hearts, open up the door, and do the work that is miraculous that only Jesus can do.

I want everybody to know this Heavenly father that is so loving and kind and that kind of totally brought me to an aspect of destiny, identity, affirmation, freedom and joy that it's been over 20 years and I will never look back and turn back. It’s the greatest privilege of my life to be a dad, I love it. I really love it. But I believe it wouldn’t have been possible if I didn’t forgive and if I was not first reconciled to my Heavenly Dad. 

forgiveness is an amazing decision, and my encouragement is no matter how hard it is, choose to forgive and allow Jesus to be the physician that is.