This Addiction Almost Ruined Their Lives! Until God Stepped In

Billi recalls, “He would write it on the calendar. Every other day we had to have sex. He would just make me feel miserable about it. It was just the clincalness of it, and it wasn’t love.”

Jacob and Billi Minney’s marriage was in trouble from the start. Both carried baggage into the relationship that neither had dealt with. Billi longed for stability and love while Jacob struggled with low self-esteem and a secret that would soon tear them apart.

Billi says, “I didn’t believe marriage would fix my addiction, but it was just a desire in me to be married for that security of a relationship.”

Billi shares, “Jacob didn’t tell me anything about his past. Not until later on in the marriage did I learn more.”
Jacob had struggled with pornography since childhood.

Jacob says, “The lies I was believing about myself is no sense of self-worth. I was very depressed, I think that was added to the coping mechanism. Not being able to talk to girls or get a girlfriend because I used pornography to substitute that.”

By the time he met Billi in his early 20’s, pornography was a regular part of his life.

Jacob says, “I did not tell her about the pornography addiction. It was just there. I never considered my wife during my addiction because my life was more about my addiction than it was about my wife at that point in time.”

She started to see changes in Jacob after the birth of their first child. His behavior towards her turned demeaning.

Billi recalls, “My value was in my body to my husband, I believed. And it was many times that I would just silently cry. I was definitely worried that our kids would go down the same path as their dad. I prayed and prayed all the time that that curse would be obliterated with my kids.”

As Billi focused on motherhood, Jacob also became increasingly demanding about intimacy.

Billi says, “I always told him, ‘You’re like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.’ ‘Cause he’d be a jerk until he got what he wanted and then it’s just all sweet and happy again.”

Jacob says, “I didn’t have a clue that I was being selfish, because again, at that point in time, in my mind, sex was love.”

Jacob’s addiction warped his view of love. He even pressured Billi to involve others in their relationship. Both of them started sleeping with other people.

Billi shares, “I was very disgusted with myself and I didn’t want God to even look at me. I think I just had low self-esteem that when he did ask me about sleeping with other people that you know when you’re hounded so much, and years past by you’re just like okay whatever that’s just part of a spiral of depression.”

Jacob says, “What porn was teaching me about that, it seemed to be exciting. It seemed to be like passionate and loving, but it, ended up not being that at all.”

Years of emotional pain took a toll on Billi. She began experiencing anxiety, panic attacks and sleep depravation. As their youngest son prepared to leave for college, she finally reached a breaking point.

Billi recalls, “What am I staying here for that was my thought process. They don’t need me. who needs me? I just locked myself in the bathroom and took whole bottle of pills.”

Billi messaged her mom and sisters goodbye. They alerted Jacob, who found her in the bathroom of their home and called 911. Billi was released after a week in the hospital. She was determined to heal herself…begninning with a divorce.

Billi says, “I started focusing on me instead of focusing on him and letting his sin become my problem. I have a job. I can support myself. I don’t have children to have to worry about anymore, so there’s nothing to hide behind anymore.”
At work, a Christian woman began praying for her and soon, Billi started attending church. While there, Billi’s heart toward Jacob began to change.

Billi shares, “I’m done fighting in my own power. It really wasn’t that hard praying for my husband because I was really just digging into God. praying for him was a lot different than praying about him.”

Jacob saw the change in Billi and started going to church too. Both rededicated their lives to God, and made God their focus.

Billi says, “It was mostly his actions that proved to me that he had changed. But he did personally apologize to me.”

Jacob says, “That emptiness that I tried to fill with worldly love started becoming filled with God.”

Then during Lent, their pastor challenged the congregation to give something up. Jacob chose his addiction that had controlled him for more than two decades.

Jacob recalls, “I had a tablet that I’d actually watched pornography on. I put the tablet in a drawer and never turned it on again, God told me directly, ‘That is no longer who you are.’ So When God delivered me from pornography it was freeing. I didn’t realize what a burden that was in my life and how that was actually destroying my life.”

As Jacob grew in his faith, he became accountable to other Christian men. At home, Billi began to see the husband she prayed for, one who listened to her and respected her. Over time, their marriage began to change.

Billi says, “I think forgiveness started when I started seeing a change in him. The biggest thing for me is though is when he got a no for intimate time. It was okay. It was like a hallelujah moment. Like thank you God.”

Jacob says, “Now I actually love my wife for who she is and not what she does for me.”

Billi shares, “Marriage today is free of pressure, free of control, I feel like I have a voice. It’s the marriage I wanted the whole time.”

Today, Jacob uses his testimony to help other men find freedom in Christ. Billi encourages women to trust God and seek Godly support. They credit Jesus with transforming their marriage.

Jacob says, “I’m very happy about the marriage It is restored. It is happy. Christ alone is how we’ve achieved that. He is ultimately what saved us.”

Billi says, “God truly is a deliverer. Don’t give up. God cares about your marriage.”