- High blood pressure, heart disease,

multiple long-term health problems,

and even premature death.

Loneliness can triggerall of these issues.

As Ruth Graham discovered,

being lonely actually makes our bodies

feel as if we're under attack.

- [Narrator] The third daughter

of famed vangelist, Billy Graham,

was known to be gentle,quiet, and kind as a child.

This Graham daughterwould become no rebel,

or firebrand preacher's kid.

She carefully put on her Sunday face,

and hid her personal suffering.

Eventually, Ruth's pain became public

through multiple divorces,

and crises with prodigal children.

That's when she sought counsel to recover.

Now, a prolific best-selling author,

her latest literary venture,Transforming Loneliness,

sheds light on what has become

one of the most cripplingemotional conditions

of the 21st century.

- Please welcome back toThe 700 Club, Ruth Graham.

Ruth, it's wonderful tohave you with us today.

- Thank you, it's nice to be here.

Thank you for having me.

- Ruth, it was bout ofloneliness after surgery

that prompted you to write this book.

Tell us what happened.

- Well, you know,

most of my books arewritten out of experience,

and I had a very profound experience

of loneliness after surgery.

My family couldn't be with me.

I had had back surgery

to remove a tumor from my spinal column,

but then it sprung a leak,

and I had to go back into surgery again.

And I was by myself, and I wasalone, and nobody was there.

And I realized that that'sreally a profound loneliness,

when you have no onethere to connect with,

no one to meet your needs.

No one to really see how you are.

'Cause we all long to feel connected.

We long to feel heard, seen, noticed,

and I was just all by myself.

I couldn't even reach theglass of water without help.

So I was alone.

Obviously the Lord waswith me, and I knew that,

but I wanted to connect with somebody,

and there was nobody there for me.

- We're made to berelational with each other.

You actually felt abandoned as a child.

How did that make animpact on you as an adult?

- Well, I wrote extensivelyabout that in my book,

Forgiving My Father, Forgiving Myself:

An Invitation to theMiracle of Forgiveness.

And I realized after many failed marriages

that I had an issue of abandonment.

For years, I had sought security.

I thought that Jesus was my security,

but deep down where the secretswere kept, that wasn't true.

I kept finding, wanting to findsecurity in a relationship.

And after the fourth divorce,

I had to say, what is wrong with me?

I even wondered whether I was saved,

but a friend looked at me, andsaid, Ruth, as a little girl,

you felt abandoned by your father.

I did not want that to be true,

because I absolutely adore myfather, adored him, still do.

And he would never havehurt me in a million years,

but it was true, I felt abandoned.

And that's when I realizedwhat my core issue was.

And I think we all have a core issue.

When we do repeated things,we have a core issue,

but when I recognized it,the Lord lifted the burden,

and I really felt like God spared me.

The condemnation that Ihad been putting on myself

for years, the guilt, and the shame.

But I realized that I wasstanding in Romans 8-1.

"There is now therefore,

no condemnation to thosewho are in Christ Jesus."

If I felt condemned, Icouldn't talk about the fact

that I have four failed marriages.

- Yeah.

Now talk a little bit aboutthe distinction you make

between the loneliness and solitude.

What's the difference?

- Well, loneliness isa feeling we all have,

and it's by and large temporary,it can become chronic.

And as you mentioned, thereare real physical issues

that can be dragged in with that.

But loneliness is really sortof a temporary kind of thing.

Solitude is something we choose to use

for a time to recalibrate,to spend time alone with God.

It's a very restorative kind of thing.

Whereas loneliness, as I said,

can become chronic, and become an issue.

And then there's isolation,

and isolation is when you are

completely isolated from everybody,

no connection whatsoever.

And that in our society

is considered the worstpossible punishment

that you can have, solitary confinement.

- Yeah, talk a little bit

about some of the thingsthat you discovered,

that loneliness, and certainly isolation,

would cause physically in our bodies.

- Well, we don't eatproperly when we're lonely.

So that causes poor nutrition,which causes lots of things.

We find that we're bored, we'renot stimulating our minds.

We get sort of apathetic.

It's just not a good condition to be in.

And lonely people havea greater death rate

than non lonely people.

And so we have to, and yetthere is a shame to being lonely

for some reason.

And I discovered that myself,

when I was on an airplane,

and I was doing research for this book,

and I thought, well, I'llread a book about loneliness.

And I had a book, and hadloneliness in the title,

and I started to pull it out.

And I thought the man sitting next to me's

gonna think I'm lonely.

And I don't want him to,

so I put it back in the bag,

but there is sort of a senseof shame to being lonely,

but I don't think we need to feel shame.

I think we need to realize that

so many people are just like us,

just look around in the grocery store,

look around at your church.

The people who are sitting alone,

a lot of people are alone,and by themselves, and lonely,

and that's okay, but we justdon't want to stay there.

- So the name of your bookis Transforming Loneliness.

How do we do that?

- Exactly.

What do we do?

We're lonely, so what do we do?

I use an acronym, REACH.

R, E, A, C, H.

REACH is to recognize the symptoms,

and the source of your loneliness.

E, express your loneliness, tell someone.

Tell someone that you're lonely,

tell God that you're lonely,

but also you need to expressit to another human being.

And then anticipate

that God is going totransform your loneliness.

C is to connect with other people.

And you can connect through a book club,

or small group at church, or exercise.

I go to a gym every weekend,

and that to me is connecting with people.

So it's important toconnect with other people.

We need that connection.

And the H is to honorGod with our loneliness,

and say, God, I give you my loneliness,

use it for your glory and my good.

And give me a purpose in my loneliness.

And we have so manyillustrations in the Bible

of those who were lonely, andGod used it for a purpose.

And I'm so grateful forthose illustrations,

like Noah, and all of his loneliness,

75 years it took him to build that ark.

And yet his purpose was to save the world.

And Jonah, he was lonelyin the belly of the fish,

and he was sloshing around

in the muck and juices of the stomach.

But God gave him a purposewhile he was in that belly,

and off he went to preachthe gospel to Nineveh,

and they were all converted.

- Well, it's a wonderful word for people

that as they'veexperienced such loneliness

during this pandemic,

I want our viewers to know, Ruth,

that your book is calledTransforming Loneliness.

Deepening our relationshipwith God and others

when we feel alone.

It's available, wherever books are sold.

Great to have you heretoday, thank you so much.

- Thank you, so good to hear your voice.

Thank you.

- And yours, thanks.