(gentle music)

- There's a battle ragingfor the hearts and minds

of boys today.

This generation is facingpressures like never before.

So how can moms raise theirboys to become godly men?

Take a look.

- [Reporter] Rhonda Stoppeis an author, speaker,

and mother of four, who isdedicated to helping women

live life with no regrets.

With over 30 years of experience as a mom,

mentor, and pastor's wife,she understands the challenge

of raising sons in today's culture.

In her audio book, "MomsRaising Sons to Be Men,"

Rhonda shows you howto set clear boundaries

and create an environmentthat helps your boys grow

into spiritually strong men.

- Joining us now viaSkype is Rhonda Stoppe.

Rhonda, great to have you with us.

- Good morning.

- You are the mom of twosongs and two daughters.

So what's the difference between parenting

boys versus girls?

- (laughing) Right?

How much time do we have? (laughing)

When I had my daughters,it wasn't a mystery to me

that they were going togrow up and be a women.

But I remember holding my son and knowing

this little guy is goingto grow up and be a man.

Our oldest son, Tony,didn't come to our family

until he was 15 years old.

He was in one of our youthgroups when we had planted

a church in Austin, Texas,we're in California now,

but looking into their facesand knowing I want them

to grow up to be a godlyman, is intimidating.

And I knew I wasn't the momthat I hoped I would be.

In fact, my family rode theemotional roller coasters.

My motive for raising godlysons and daughters became more

about what I didn't wantthem to become rather than

what I did want to guidetheir hearts toward.

So I looked for mentors,I knew I needed help.

I needed someone to teachme what they learned.

The Bible, Titus two, saysolder women teach the younger,

that's the journeymanand apprentice program

that God provides for us.

- What are some of thechallenges to doing that, Rhonda?

What are some of the thingsthat we traditionally had make

mistakes in, especiallyin the world today?

- I think the thing thatwe have to be aware of is

there is a real enemythat wants to kill, steal,

and destroy the futures,the lives, of our children.

And for sons there's, you know,

let me go to the skateboardpark and I'm going

to hang out with my friends.

I remember my youngest sonasking that it's like, no,

that's where you're going to get meth.

You're not going to go do that.

Video games is a hugedistraction for young men.

There is a God-given zealin young men to conquer,

to accomplish, to, you thinkof David, he was 17 years old

when he was like aboutlike, about Goliath, like,

I'll fight him, I'll fight him right now.

And that zeal can be taken away virtually

when our sons just fillthat void with video games.

And I'm not saying no video games,

that's between you and the Lord,

but I am saying that in themany years that my husband

and I have been in ministry,there's a lot of young men

who get married, grow up,and expect to not play

video games all the time whenthey're with their families,

and they do.

And pornography is aterrible, destructive source

that is stealing the heartsand minds of our young men.

- Well you stress the need to motivate

rather than manipulate.

How do you do that?

- (laughing) You know,here's the interesting thing.

I always tell moms the first 10 years

of your little boy's life,love the snot out of them.

Mommy loves you, mommyloves you, mommy loves you.

But when they hit about adolescent age,

they start pushing mama away.

And if we try to manipulatethem to do the things

that we want them to do, thatwill breed in them rebellion.

That will cause them towant to push us away.

Instead of motivating them, Iknow the man you want to be,

I know the man you want tobecome, I think of a story,

my son, Brandon, he is a musician

and an a phenomenal musician growing up.

And when he was saying, why can't I listen

to this secular musicor that secular music?

And I remember telling him,we see the man God's calling

you to be, we see the musiche's put in your heart

to play for him, and if theBible says what a man thinks

in his heart, so is he.

If we let you feast only on secular music,

that will be the music that you write.

So until you're mature enoughto understand this vision,

this hope that God is puttingin your heart and guard it,

we're going to come alongside of you,

and we're going to help you do that.

And Brandon, later, he's33 years old now, he said,

I wanted to argue with you on that point,

but I trained his brain, that's a section

in "Moms Raising Sons," tothink through the process,

the why, of what we door don't want them to do,

rather than just manipulating them.

- You list seven principlesfor raising godly sons.

Could you just give us the top two?

- Well, the first one iswhen you teach your son

to respect your authority,they will know how

to respect God's authority.

The second one: have aclear idea of the kind

of man God calls your son to be.

And then the third one is guide your son

toward independence.

I feel that our sonsthink, especially as moms,

that we're trying to control them.

In fact, there's a sectionin "Moms Raising Sons" called

control freaks raise freaks.

The more they push usaway, the more we try

to hold on tighter.

And for our sons, there'sno real coming of man ritual

in our culture, exceptdon't be a momma's boy.

So when our little adolescentson starts pushing us away,

we have to make adecision that we're going

to hand them theirmanhood rather than make

them fight us for it.

- Well, your sons are nowadults, has your approach

to parenting changed as they've aged?

- My prayers have changed.

My, you know, there's a fun story,

Tony is a fighter pilot in the Air Force.

He's a Lieutenant Colonel,he grew up and went

to A and M University andbecame a fighter pilot.

And I remember talking tohim when he moved in with us

about girls and abouthis hopes and his dreams.

And you know, men don't listen eye to eye

as much as they do shoulder to shoulder.

So when they're little,you look in their face,

you tell them what you want them to know.

But when Tony was 15, hewas working on a Jeep.

I'd go sit out in theJeep and just talk to him

about all the things thathe wanted to talk about.

And he listened, and the sameway with my son, Brandon.

When they're younger, they'lllisten in a different way,

but when they're maturemen, we have to teach

them how to listen side-by-side,shoulder to shoulder,

and we're training them for their spouse.

There's a story in "Moms Raising Sons"

that talks about Brandon,and it's, he would wink

at me from the stagewhenever he was singing

at a Christmas programat school or whatever.

Years later, a woman who was reading

"Moms Raising Sons to Be Men" was sitting

behind his wife, Jessie,when he was in Nashville

and Brandon was on stage playing.

And the wife, the friend ofmine sent this picture of Jesse

with Brandon on stage, andshe said, he winks at her now.

And I love that story because that's

what we're raising them for.

- Well, I just want allof our viewers to know

that if you'd like more greatadvice, Rhonda Stoppe has

an audio book.

It's called "Moms Raising Sons to Be Men"

and it's available throughaudio on amazon.com.

She also has a free sampleavailable on her website.

So take a visit to noregretswoman.com.

Rhonda, thanks so muchfor being with us today.

Great to visit with you.

- Thanks, I appreciate it.