(upbeat music)

- Shattered, that's how LysaTerKeurst describes her life

when she discovered herhusband's infidelity.

And then four years ofhellish heartbreak followed.

Since then, Lysa has createda life that's beautiful again.

How?

By forgiving what she can't forget.

- [Narrator] LysaTerKeurst is the president

of Proverbs 31 Ministriesand a prolific author,

including three NewYork Times bestsellers.

Her latest work delves deeplyinto the topic of forgiveness.

- I understand deeply andpersonally how hard it is

when someone does something unchangeable

that can also feel so very unforgivable.

- [Narrator] Lysa's newest book is

"Forgiving What You Can't Forget".

She takes a careful look atwhat forgiveness is and isn't

and says it's the bestgift we can give ourselves.

- Please welcome back to "The700 Club" Lysa TerKeurst.

Lysa, it's wonderful tohave you with us today.

- Thank you so much.

It's such an honor to be with you as well.

- Lysa, how did you discover your husband

was having an affair and whatwas that time like for you?

- Well, I'd been asking questions

and just not getting theanswers that were lining up.

It's so hard when you seesomething and you have discernment

but our discernment doesn't give details.

So one day I found something,it was just undeniable.

And so I confrontedhim and I was shattered

in not just in my heartbecause of our relationship

but I was so devastatedbecause of our family as well.

And honestly, Terry, I didn't think

in that moment that forgivenesswould even be possible

because he was not immediately repentant.

- Yeah, the affair went on for some time.

How did you stand that?

- Well, I mean, I think Ijust kicked into survival mode

and I did do some things with boundaries

that really helped as well.

You know, I createdsome emotional distance

and physical distance with my husband.

We wound up being separatedfor over two and a half years.

- Wow.- And I did that

with the help of somecounselors and some pastors,

but it was really important forme not to stay in the trauma

and getting traumatizedover and over and over.

But I also wanted to leaveroom for God to move.

- Yeah, well you eventuallybrought the brokenness

of your marriage into the light.

Did that help you begin to heal?

- Not at first, I'll be honest.

I didn't want to invite public opinion

into our very private pain.

So at first it was really devastating

to announce to the worldwhat was happening.

The thing was the rumor millwas gonna tell the story

or I could get ahead of it and tell it.

And so I decided to goahead and get ahead of it

and tell the story and my husband knew

that it was going public,and he would say today,

that was his very worstday and his very best day.

It was his worst daybecause it was horrifying

for the entire world to know

and to weigh into our private pain.

But it was the best daybecause it was the day

that my husband finallyfor the first time in years

sought to get the help that he needed.

And he checked himselfinto a treatment center

and that began his healing journey.

And so I was working on meand he was working on him

and eventually God didbring us back together.

- Yeah, so you were reconciled.

What was the key to making that happen?

- I think probably the biggest key

was when my husband really sat before me

and humbly acknowledged whathe did, but you know, Terry,

I think even before that moment happened,

because some people canwait their entire lifetime

and never have that moment,

so my counselor really challengedme if I wanted to heal,

then I needed to startworking on forgiveness.

And I thought, you're crazy,because it's impossible

to forgive when the other personhasn't said they're sorry,

or hasn't fullyacknowledged what they did.

But my counselor helpedme see that forgiveness

is the stand that I can take

to sever the source of suffering.

Because if I always waitfor the other person

to make choices, theymay or may not ever say

they're sorry or own what they did.

And I've got to detach my ability to heal

from choices that arenot within my control.

And so I remember a day Istood before my counselor.

Art and I were still not together.

And I said, I deserve to stop suffering

because of what thisother person did to me.

And so I'm going to sever the suffering

with the power of forgiveness.

And I did it from my heart.

- Yeah, that's such adifferent perspective.

You know, many peoplestruggle with forgiveness

because they feel likeit's giving a free pass

to the person who hurt them.

But really forgiveness is a gift of God

that we can choose to activate

so that we can separateand begin to heal, right?

- Absolutely, and I thinkthat's the biggest lie

that the enemy sells uswhen it comes to forgiveness

that it's this unfair gift we have to give

to another person, thatwe have to conjure it up

inside of ourselves.

But really when I studied the Bible

for over a thousand hours

really trying to understand forgiveness,

what I discovered is thatforgiveness is really,

it comes from God and asGod's forgiveness flows to us,

we simply must cooperate withit and let it flow through us.

And the power of God'sforgiveness flowing to us

and through us is whatsweeps our heart clean

of bitterness and resentment.

But I also leave room in my book,

"Forgiving What You Can'tForget" for people to understand

forgiveness is both a decision

to cooperate with God's forgiveness

and let it pass throughus to another person.

But it's also a processof emotional healing

and that process can take years.

So I was very, very careful in the book

to understand and bepatient with people's pain

because I needed that for mypain and my emotional healing.

- Of course not everyone whogoes through the experience

that you have comes to aplace of reconciliation,

but one thing that does affect everybody

no matter what the outcome is

is the memories and your title,

the title of your latest book,

"Forgiving What You Can't Forget",

I'm sure for you even today,

there are things that triggerthose thoughts in you,

or just memories that come back.

How do you deal with that?

- Well, I talk quite extensively,

actually the whole book opens up with

the traumatizing effects of memories.

When I look at a picturefrom five years ago

and is it a beautiful day with my family

where we're all smiling,or is it during that season

when my husband was keeping secrets?

It's both.

And so I give people permission.

You get to decide whatto do with your memories.

If it was beautiful toyou, then you keep it.

And if it is traumatizingto you, then release it.

But it's your choice.

And with triggers, Terry, you know

we've got to understandthere's a process of healing.

And so I really go into alot of depth in the book

to help people walk through that process.

- I just want to highly recommend it.

There are so many peoplewho have struggled through

or are struggling throughwhat you did, Lysa,

and you've just coveredit all for us in this book

"Forgiving What You Can't Forget".

Something many, many peoplewould find very, very helpful.

Thank you so much for being with us today

and thank you for your candor.

- Thank you so much, Terry.

God bless you.- You too.