- You know, I always had this passion

and this desire to help people.

- [Narrator] For Michael McSellers,

that meant going into law enforcement.

- As a little boy, I wouldplay with my little cars

and pretend to be a police officer,

because I just held thatprofession with honor.

- [Narrator] So aftergraduating high school in 2000,

Michael enlisted in the Marines,where he served four years.

At the time of his honorable discharge,

he was married to Laketa,raising two children,

and was on his way to theVirginia State Police Academy.

- You know, it was exciting.

My expectations wereto just come out there

and serve people, tobe able to meet people

at where they're at intheir worst time of need,

you know what I mean,and to help the helpless,

to encourage those who are discouraged.

- [Narrator] Upon graduation, Michael

reported for duty inSpringfield, Virginia.

Then, three months into his career,

he responded to a gruesome,fatal car accident.

- I realized it affected me,but I didn't know how deep.

In law enforcement and the profession,

they say, "Keep work atwork and home at home,"

and you don't want to bringthat burden to your family.

- [Narrator] That wasonly the first of hundreds

of tragic scenes Michael wouldwitness as a first responder.

And over the next few years,

the emotional stressstarted taking a toll.

- I would suppress thosefeelings and it kinda,

in a sense, you become numb to the pain.

And if I could be honest,because of suppression,

you stop feeling.

You stop feeling.

- [Narrator] Then in 2013,Michael became a police chaplain

and joined the honor guard.

Now he wasn't just first on the scene.

It was his job to inform and comfort

the families of victims.

- I'll tell you, one of the worst things

you will ever do in thisprofession and deal with

is doing death notifications, man.

You'll never forget that moment

when you walked intotheir house and gave them

this devastating, devastating news.

- [Narrator] Even harderwas having to attend

the funerals of fallen officers,some of whom were friends.

- Carrying these officers'and these troopers'

caskets to honor their service,with thousands of people

walking behind us as their family mourn,

and just listening to the weeping.

It's heavy. But at thesame time, it's honorable.

- [Narrator] Eventuallythe stress and trauma

started affecting Michael's relationship

with his wife and children.

- My heart was hard because of the trauma.

So I remember one day mydaughter said to me, she said,

"Dad, sometimes I feel likeI don't even know you."

And it crushed me.

- [Narrator] Near the endof 2015, Michael experienced

a string of deaths closer to home.

One of them was a co-worker's wife

who had been abducted and killed.

It would only take a routine fender-bender

to send him over the edge.

- And I remember sitting inmy car and tears start rolling

down my eyes, and it was just anger.

And at that point I knew, I was like,

"Yeah, I have nothing else to give, man.

I am tapped out."

The passion, it went away.

It was pain.

It was pain from a trauma,what I had experienced

and what I was witnessing.

At the same time, the pain ofwatching these men and women

that wear a uniform, life be taken.

- [Narrator] Nightmares soon followed.

And in 2015, Michaeltook a leave of absence

and went into counseling, wherehe was diagnosed with PTSD.

But after six months,the pain and nightmares

still tortured him.

- I want those nightmares to go away.

'Cause every time I closemy eyes, every fatal crash,

every fatality, every deathexperience I've ever experienced

in my career all came back.

And for me, I thoughtabout ending my life.

It wasn't that I wantedto die, not at all.

I love Jesus. I love my family.

It was just, I just wantedthe pain to go away.

- [Narrator] One night in July of 2016,

Michael had but one place to turn.

- I woke up crying because of those dreams

and those nightmares.

I went into my closet, closed the door,

got on my knees, layprostrate on the floor,

and began to weep andcry, begging for the Lord

to release the burden off my shoulders.

He said, "Son, let it go.

I got it. Give it to Me.

I'll take it.

You don't have to carrythat burden anymore."

- [Narrator] And that's what Michael did.

- That pain was given tothe Lord, gave it to Him.

I said, "It's all You, Lord."

And He said, "Michael, whatare you gonna do with it?"

I said, "I'm gonna make it known.

I'm not being silenced anymore."

- [Narrator] So after rejoiningthe Virginia State Police

and restoring his relationshipwith his wife and children,

Michael became a speaker forBlue HELP and The Bridge,

two organizations who helplaw enforcement officers

and all first responderscope with the stress

of trauma and PTSD.

- It's okay to let your guard down.

It's okay not to carry theweight on your shoulder.

It's okay to talk about those dark things.

It's okay, 'cause that'sthe only way you can heal.

So that's been my passionever since my experience,

that's been my motivation.

- [Narrator] And of all hisexperiences as an officer,

there's one he remembers most of all.

- And in that closet, I can tell you,

as the Lord released aburden off my shoulders,

He touched me, He strengthenedme and He lifted me up.